“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Far be it from me to be a buzz kill, however, last time I checked we were still in the middle of two wars. Though the Afghanistan debacle is kind-of top-of-mind, we still have the Iraq situation, which gets very little media play…despite the fact that the July death toll there was the highest in two years. But, what do I know? Let’s just discuss the big news items of the day as though they are real hard-hitting news items. Hmmm, where shall I start? BREAKING NEWZZZ: Lindsay Lohan is able to smoke cigarettes while in rehab? How’s that for… Read More »

Lindsay Lohan’s assistant Elinore just quit. Between the lost passport drama in France and the boozy anklet nonsense, she must have gone bonkers. She’s been covering for Lindsay on all fronts, as at the recent photo shoot with the Cougar Lesbian. Anyone looking for a high-stress, low paying gig in the entertainment industry? Have fun. – TMZ Would you want to live in this Gross Baboon’s uber-tacky guido farm after this new Jeresy house-frau  got her stank all over it? I have been asking to exorcise that woman out of my home state for a week now. – E ONLINE… Read More »

Announcing the newest candidates for Gross Baboon of the Year Award, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa and Joe Guidice. Reading about their spendaholic, bankruptcy-inducing shenanigans made me really angry. As someone born in that fair state, the recent bevvy of Gross Baboons with New Jersey blazoned on their foreheads is enough to make anyone lie about where they hail from. We now have The Real Housewives, that lame show Jeseylicious, and even the cast of Jersey Shore, though none of them are from there, but MTV has managed to muck it up anyway. Until recently, it was Woody Allen… Read More »

When did these tacky gifting suites enter the realm of fabulous? Who were/are these people that infiltrated the groovy backstage green rooms in order to display their sad wares? And when did real celebrities begin to frolic through free shit not minding that it becomes a press opportunity? When did fabulous go all wrong? Somewhere between the Golden Age of Hollywood and now, things have gotten cock-eyed. Press is no longer real press, and celebrities are no longer real celebrities, rather a bunch of schnorrers (Yiddish for moocher, as in Minnie the). Any schnook (Yiddish for stupid person) can be… Read More »