What these two Adderall addicts need is a swift kick.

Lindsay Lohan and Brooke Mueller are together at the Betty Ford Clinic. Birds of a feather. Two of the tackiest hags that have relentlessly bitten the hands that feed them are sequestered in Rancho Mirage and Lord knows would it be fun to be a fly on the wall for a few minutes. Longer than that would be painful. Lindsay has threatened to escape the court ordered rehab due to the fact that the doctors @BettyFordCenter are not letting her do drugs. “No Adderall for you!” With @LindsayLohan stealing all of the celebrity thunder from wanna-be @BrookeMueller, one can imagine the following scene:

INT. BETTY FORD CLINIC REC ROOM – AFTERNOON

LINDSAY enters, yawning as though she has just woken up. Brooke is attentively watching the television screen taking notes. LINDSAY observes and grabs the clicker, changes channel.

BROOKE: Hey, I was watching that.
LINDSAY: Taking notes on the Jodi Arias case? That’s pathetic.
BROOKE: She is one smart cookie.
LINDSAY: Smart? Are you dumb? She’s been found guilty in the first degree.
BROOKE: She was smart enough to kill the guy.
LINDSAY: (Screams to attendant) I gotta get out of here. Where is my Adderall. I need my Adderall.
BROOKE: Don’t hold your breath. We’re trapped here.
LINDSAY: I’m a celebrity, I will get what I want.
BROOKE: You self involved piece of shit. Who do you think told Charlie to give you that money to pay Uncle Sam?
LINDSAY: Not you surely. You and your mom would steal the lollypop out of your kids’ mouths for a dollar.
BROOKE: Your mom is out there spinning her bullshit and using you all the way.
LINDSAY: Don’t you dare talk shit about my mother.
BROOKE: Your mother is shit.

CAT FIGHT ENSUES.

I Mean…What?!?

Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote & Paul have so much in common.

All this talk about the Fiscal Cliff reminds me of Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote. Paul Ryan is still licking his wounds from being burned on the losing Presidential ticket and John Boehner is stuck between a rock and a bunch of hard ons in Congress. The Fiscal Cliff political charade is becoming barely interesting to watch. Paul Ryan recently made a speech trumping up Marco Rubio for 2016, which is a major waste of time, but otherwise, the weasel’s horrendously thin lips are sealed.

Let’s face it, Paul Ryan’s farkakteh budget went over like a lead balloon with the American people. Paul Krugman from The New York Times said, ”The Ryan budget is full of — is full of magic asterisks, too. It’s not a real budget. It’s a fake document. I mean, I’m amazed that people haven’t gotten that. You know, we’re now a couple of years into the Ryan thing, and the fact that he doesn’t actually present real budgets.” Say what you want, but all the mean things that Paul “Gross Baboon” Ryan said about President Obama on the campaign trail, has boxed him into a corner and it is a pleasure to be hearing very little from that very little guy.

Paul Ryan is a gross Gross Baboon.

Paul Ryan Canceled Like The NYC Marathon – UPDATE: November 7, 2012 Post Election 2012: 

Nothing feels better than sex and knowing that this shnook, Paul Ryan is relegated back to Wisconsin, where he could not pull off a win in is home state. That, and that he has to return to Washington spewing the same budget nonsense that caused the Republicans to LOSE big time. I called his selection as Vice President the nail for Mitt Romney’s Presidential coffin, and as always, was right. Hasta la vista, baby. Take comfort that you lost Gross Baboon of the Year Award to Donald “The Orange-utan” Trump.

Paul Ryan Canceled Like The NYC Marathon – NOVEMBER 3, 2012: Paul Ryan, the world-renowned, record-breaking, blue eyed, thin-lipped marathon runner will suffer the same fate as the ING New York City Marathon… canceled. The Paul Ryan Marathon is the name of the mad dash he is making across the swing states begging right-wing zealots to get out and vote for him and the other liar, Mitt Romney. As of late there has been little coverage of the guy who “whoops” gave the wrong information when asked about his personal running best. Paul Ryan actually lied about running faster than any Kenyan. (A subtle swpie perhaps?) Well, maybe not in so many words, but when Ryan claimed, “Under three hours, high twos… yeah, I was fast when I was young”, Runner’s World magazine cried fowl, or as I would like to say, “Fotz!”

Paul Ryan Marathon also suggests that he will be running fast and far away from Mitt Romney’s side on November 7, so when he gets back to his regular job, he will resume begging Barack Obama for Federal Funds to distribute throughout his fair state of Wisconsin. Yes, the same swing state that will help re-elect Obama. Too bad Mitt Romney didn’t run a marathon for the hills away from those who suggested to Paul Ryan in the first place. That was the nail in Romney’s political coffin, coupled with the 47% moronic statement which ultimately did him in. All together now kids, say it with me, “Out of fucking touch!” This election will end the way I predicted all along. The good news is that Nate Silver, FiveThirtyEight Blog has also been doing the math of what I have been saying. Guess The New York Times has more credibility than me, which, frankly, is a bunch of hooey. I Mean What suffers the curse of always being right, but only my fancy few followers know that, while the world jerks itself off believing the nonsense that most other media outlets and phoney baloney pollsters throw out as bait. You know the drill, let’s throw a bunch of shit at a wall and see what sticks. But that’s politics and the media these days. But what do I know?

I Mean…What?!?

The Grossest of Gross Baboons continues his cross-country tour.

When innocent, good-hearted, well-intentioned, loving people die…way too young…it gives me pause to come back from days of grief to the real world and read a newspaper. There I am accosted by people that should be ashamed of themselves for opening their pie holes and spewing or Tweeting the kind of nonsense that should otherwise have them carving their draggy asses into hell rather than having a prime spot on the media landscape. Must I name names or will that make me equally as evil? Fine. John Sununu. How much longer must we listen to this jerk for? Hasn’t he been on this planet long enough? When we confront an untimely death in the family and watch the outpouring of grief, where over one thousand people attended the funeral of my 34 year old nephew-in-law and it makes me wonder, “Who the hell would come out to stand, sobbing by the wet dirt of John Sununu?” Frankly I don’t care how gross I sound, and if you want to nominate me for Gross Baboon, be my guest. But it will be a much colder day in hell when that jerk goes for his final resting place and leaves pontificating and bloviating behind.

I Mean…What?!?

You think Monica Lewinsky is looking at this General Sexgate Scandal as great preamble to her book about Clinton poontang?

About the General Sexgate Scandal: Mick Jagger said it best last night at the premiere of HBO’s Crossfire Hurricane, “This film takes you back to a younger, perhaps gentler, America. An America where only IBM and the military had computers. Where there [were] no smart phones . . . no e-mails. And a simpler America, where we didn’t read other people’s e-mails, so we didn’t know four-star generals were having affairs.”

The fact that Republicans are already trying their darndest to implicate President Obama in the General Sexgate Scandal is utterly preposterous. What I can say about Obama and this whole mess is that the sooner we get our “good old boys” out of harms way, the better. But that has been Obama’s intention since 2008. Clearly it is not fast enough, but what the General Sexgate Scandal proves is that we have been there so long, with frustrations mounting, that a little nookie seems to be the best order of business under the circumstances. And no matter what happened with Paula “Monica Lewinsky” Broadwell and General David “Did You See My Wife” Petraeus, it was something that kept him sane.

Let all the fat ugly bloviators like “Little Dick” Morris or Rush “I’ll Go There If They Have Oxycontin” Limbaugh to the front lines and see who they will dilly dally with. We cannot let the Fox News idiots use this as a way to besmirch the stellar win by Barack Obama. He has much bigger fish to fry than the penis’ of his generals. I for one will continue to defend and stand at the front lines of Obama. He is busy turning this farkakteh country around and the last thing we need is for him to be sidetracked with innuendo and overall brechy crap fueled by the losing team and other assorted Gross Baboons.

I Mean…What?!?

There is a cover for every pot. They make me brech (vomit in Yiddish).

Sheldon Adelson made several huge mistakes this year. The largest one was announcing that he would attend Mitt Romney’s s election night event in Boston on November 6, 2012. That is indicative of the entire Romney campaign when we learned that there was no concession speech written. The world had to wait up so that Romney’s camp could craft a slice of humble pie tasty enough for Karl Rove, Fox News and the world to swallow, most notably, Mitt and Ann Romney. Talk about putting the cart before the horse, or in this case Rafalka. Speaking of which, I hear Ann Romney was hysterical crying at the loss. Well, of course she was. She and that horse never had so much attention. As a devout Mormon wife, Ann Romney has been relegated to the kitchen since childhood. When all the fanfare wears off, is Ann Romney returning to a sister-wife lifestyle complete with frumpy dresses and other “Wives of Mitt” tucked away in the home with the car elevator? Who knows, and frankly, who cares?

Let’s get back to the second Grossest Baboon of this election cycle after Donald Trump… Sheldon Adelson. What Sheldon Adelson is guilty of besides throwing away “blootikeh gelt” which means “bloody wasted money” in Yiddish, he and Bibi Netanyahu cast a shadow over Israel because all that war/fear mongering was unfounded. As a Jew, I am ashamed of these overblown tactics and antics. It is a shanda, meaning shame in Yiddish. Goyim might be used to Donald Trump and the Koch Brothers with their blovoiating selves, but we Jews need to temper our rhetoric. As a child of Holocaust survivors, I get very nervous when big-mouthed, rich Jews act like they can use their money and influence to manipulate the government. That is how Adolf Hitler was able to convince the German people that Jews were the enemy and the reason for their failed economy in the 1930′s. Imagine if Mitt Romney won the election and the economy followed the same fate as the Bush economy. Who would America blame then? The friggen Jews, not Donald Trump. When Jews try to act like they are not the “other” is when all hell breaks loose. And if these rich Jews think for one second that one single solitary American would give a rats ass about Israelis if a war broke out between Israel & Iran, well, they and Benjamin Netanyahu would have a rude awakening. If Obama were to send troops to Israel to defend Israelis, boy would that cause World War III, complete with concentration camps…here in the Five Towns of Long Island! And Leonard’s of Great Neck would become a work camp.

It was not that long ago that Americans put innocent Japanese-Americans into internment camps. So why does anyone think that human nature has changed? Sure, pot is legal in two states and gays and women have cause to celebrate but anti-Semitism and scapegoats are here to stay. Period. Far be it from me to push what can come to shove. I would rather have people like Sheldon Adelson shut their pie hole and not reflect their beliefs and cash on others unless it is for others’ good. Fortunately the Jewish vote went largely to Barack Obama by 70 percent. But that self-serving 30% of suburban Jews and billionaires that were desperately protecting their own interests by showering the Republican Party with untold riches got the most attention. I was surprised at the final tally of the Jewish vote, surprised and proud. The expression “Money is the root of all evil” never rang truer than this past election cycle. Six billion dollars bought bupkis (nothing in Yiddish) for the Republicans. And when you think that Sheldon Adelson has all the money he does, then why doesn’t he buy his wife Miriam Adelson some cream rinse. She has got to stop flat ironing her hair. Between that and the amount they spend on fresh cheeks, the can finance a small country…like Israel.

 Follow I Mean What on Twitter.

I Mean…What?!?

Here are the locations of a racist bunch of gross baboons. Hopefully not for long.

Here is the map of America that Twitter posted showing “where evil lives”. All those red dots represent the locations where the most racist horrendous remarks came from via Twitter on the night of the election. One can imagine these kinds of racial slurs were also prominently heard in the local pubs and at White Supremacist meetings. Naturally I could not resist labeling the overall map with the official title, Gross Baboons, and enjoyed breaking it down even further into the various group of lunatics and shit heads. Notice I pointed out two such tragic creatures, Peter Brant II (the mini queen) and that fat, ugly Denise Helms, both of whom threatened to assassinate the President. The bigger problem that may be created with all this hate is a reprise in some areas of the LA Riots of 1992. I lived through them and they ain’t pretty. So pretty boys like Peter Brant should watch his fey, silly ass unless he is inviting a whoopin’.

Where Evil Lives is also a movie from the 1980′s produced by Troma Pictures. This upstart production company was best known for their cheesy horror movies, one of which I worked on. They were also known best for making The Worst Movie Ever. Can’t remember which film since much of the 80′s is a blur–as are then 70′s and 90′s–but what we can say is that the creeps identified on this map would be perfectly cast in one of Troma’s worst horror films featuring zombies. Although zombies seem to be on trend, let’s just say that all these Gross Baboons should suffer the same end of the zombies as in the horror classic Night Of The Living Dead.

I Mean…What?!?

They will be eating the shit pie that Octavia Spencer served in “The Help”.

Things you can count on: taxes, death and that I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em. To deal with the stinging Presidential loss, all the nominees for Gross Baboon of the Year will play Monday morning quarterback at this Dinner For Schmucks. On the menu? Just desserts, humble pie and heaping portion of the lovely left over shit pie that Octavia Spencer served up in The Help. The dinner will be hosted by the two largest loud mouths, Karl Rove and Donald Trump. Truth is, had these two Gross Baboons kept their mouths shut, things could have gone differently. Though we will never know that to be true or not, at least we would not have been inundated with their vile and anti-American rhetoric. Yes, I accused them of what the accused Obama of…sue me.

The attendees at the Dinner For Schmucks have plenty of searching to do. Notice how I did not say soul searching? That is because if they are on the list of nominees for Gross Baboon of the Year, a bunch of soul-less creatures, with one foot through the karmic Gates of Hell. Surely they will start the dinner off by congratulating themselves for their fine work, which they will say was thwarted by that “Other” Barack Obama. Then they will congratulate themselves for being rich. Finally they will conclude the dinner by saying that Marco Rubio will be their nominee for President in 2016. Good luck with that, too.

Click here to see the 2012 Nominees for Gross Baboon of the Year.

I Mean…What?!?

Donald Trump and this orangutan go to the same hair stylist. Hence, his new nickname is Donald “Orange-utan” Trump

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Donald “The Orange-utan” Trump continues to blather on via Twitter and making a bigger fool of himself than humanly possible. Now Trump questions Global Warming on a level that makes any kindergarten student seem like a scientist compared to his lack of understanding. “It’s extremely cold in NY & NJ—not good for flood victims. Where is global warming?” Ugh, embarrassing much? His own kids must be cringing from what a buffoon the Gross Baboon has become. Poor Ivanka Kushner, she is so cool and is stuck sitting next to that tangerine-colored blabber mouth come Celebrity Apprentice–Rehash.

UPDATE: NOVEMBER NO SURPRISE:  Donald “Ass-Clown” Trump continues to trump his better interests by keeping his mouth open and Twitter fingers nimble. The douche bag tweeted, “Now Chrysler wants to send all Jeep manufacturing to China–and will!” A Chrysler executive, Ralph Gilles told Donald Trump in a Tweet on Thursday that the real estate executive and television personality was “full of shit” for repeating a notion that Chrysler is shipping U.S. Jeep production to China, which the automaker refutes. Well I am glad to know I have been calling Donald “The Orange-utan” Trump a Gross Baboon for years now. But I guess it takes a tragedy for people to see what I saw clearly forever. What will it take for Trump to shut his pie hole.

OCTOBER SURPRISE: So the October Surprise has come and gone. What comes as no surprise however is that Gross Baboon nominee Donald “The Orange-utan” Trump, has made a full court press announcement that he is going to make an October Surprise announcement about Barack Obama with the intention to discredit him. Problem is that The Orange-utan has no credibility since his birther embarrassment coupled with the way everyone trashed The Orange-utan at the Washington Correspondents Dinner last year. And all he came up with was the offer to donate money to charity to pursue the birther nonsense. This means that The Orage-utan has been the brunt of a joke for a really long time and will continue to be after today. Recently, Daily Beast columnist Bob Shrum called Donzie a “laughingstock” and was NOT because of his hair or skin color. The Orange-utan’s stupid plan for the Republican Convention to faux fire an Obama look-alike went over like a lead balloon. Well, not even, it was cancelled. Heck, between The Oragne-utan’s antics coupled with Clint Eastwood’s The Old Man and the Empty Chair ridiculousness we can safely say that the Republican Party has become ONE BAD JOKE AFTER ANOTHER!

So the October Surprise is… there is no surprise. What surprises me is:

1. That women would vote for Mitt Romney.
2. That people are not horrified…horrified at the prospect of Paul Ryan–who makes Sarah Palin seem relevant–being a heartbeat away from the Presidency. And no one is saying anything about that!
3. That Barack Obama created over 5,000,000 jobs and the Republicans keep saying he created no jobs.
4. That suburban Jews are in such fear of their wallets that they are willing to deny their gay children…and there’s plenty of them…of their rights.
5. Please add to my list and post your own October Surprise on Twitter.

I Mean…What?!?

UPDATE ABOUT MILLENNIALS AND THEIR FEAR ISSUES: Generation Opportunity, with over 4 million fans on Facebook and direct grassroots engagement with over a quarter million young Americans, today released additional results from their comprehensive Michigan-specific survey of young adults ages 18-29. The poll found that 73% of Millennials in Michigan are concerned that so many American jobs are going to foreign competitors like China. If given the opportunity to set America’s fiscal priorities, 67% would lower taxes to restore and expand jobs in America. These cry babies annoy the shit out of me.

FROM THE OTHER DAY:

What is Peace? Well, those much sought after “millennials”–or as I like to call them, an over-compensated for, over-shuttled whiners–would not know what peace is because we have been a country at war for so too long. Millennials are so desensitized that that might would find that bit of news…news. These kids spent their Wonder Years texting and googling and complaining that their generation does not have the opportunity their parents had. Well, don’t blame the Obama Administration for the huge mistakes of the Baby Boomers, those the age of the Mitt Romenys, the Me Generation that had run-a-muck.

This election cycle is the most hate filled in memory since volunteering for my first Presidential campaign in 1972 for George McGovern, may he rest in peace. I was a sophomore in high school at the time, our boys were fighting in Vietnam and America’s youth was motivated to speak out, protest and do our part to end the war. George McGovern was a dove. For those of you millennials that do not even know what this expression means, it refers to politicians that are for peace, not war mongers, peace lovers. A term that would be snickered at today if either candidate dared use it to describe themselves. The soil that covers George McGovern’s casket is still fresh, making it easier for him to be turning in his grave.

I Mean…What?!?

Sarah Palin could not let the election go by with out a sad attempt for press.

ELECTION UPDATE: Since Sarah Palin has been reduced to being a failed reality-show Real Housewife of Wasilla and is now a newly-minted fitness buff while being an annoying loudmouth limited to Facebook and Fox News. But the Gross Baboon Lifetime Achievement Awards Winner could not let the election go by without desperately inserting herself into the process by coming out today to support Mitt Romney. No, really Sarah? How much of a desperado are you to think we didn’t guess that bit? Don’t answer that, we already know. A huge one. Hey, Sarah, please note: shoving your finger down your throat (breching*) then washing the taste away with chocolate Ex-Lax squares is not a good regime for your new fitness video and books deal.

*Breching = Yiddish for vomit

Prelude To A Day That Will Live On In Infamy – Written March 30, 2010 and a chilling foreshadowing of what happened to Gabrielle Giffords.

Yoo-hoo…America…where is the outrage? Where is the backlash to all the violent rhetoric and uncivil actions by these Tea Partyers and all other Gross Baboons (need I name names) from last week? Where is everyone? Is there solace in silence. Is saying “tsk tsk” while shaking your head in dismay enough? Dismay is for sissies. We need intolerance. We need an uproar. We need a groundswell of defiance. What do you think Nazi Germany was like in those very early years? Only Sally Bowles wearing green nail polish? Marlene Dietrich warbling? Snap out of it kids. What good can come from putting a crosshair over Arizona and crying: “Don’t retreat! Instead – RELOAD!” It is pure unadulterated hate mongering. Hitler rose to power when the German economy was beyond depressed. Sound familiar? And what then would that make the half-baked, power-crazed, media-whore of a lunatic, Sarah Palin? When they say history repeats itself…it is because, sadly, it does. Only this time, look out liberals, blacks, Jews and anything else besides uneducated, toothless white people. If Franklin Delano Roosevelt‘s line, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself,” rings true, then now is the time to be fearful. Every pundit on every political chat show yattles on about how fearful everyone is because of rising unemployment. But fear not unemployment. Fear Sarah Palin and her Fascist ideals. All this rhetoric that she is spewing, be it at rally’s to re-elect the octogenarian John McCain, or at her gun toting, mass-hysteria inciting Tea Party Rallies, is merely to bolster herself to secure the best TV ratings. This is reminiscent of the movie Network with Faye Dunaway. Where one man motivated a nation to rise up and express their anger. Only this scenario is much scarier because these are much scarier times. Network was made in the 70′s when we were all too high to really be angry.

I Mean…What?!?