Introducing Shay UK Bombshell, Kanye West's new gal pal.

Kanye West, in his  desperate valiant effort to comeback from his loose-lipped, Taylor Swift mishap last year at the MTV Video Music Awards went right to the heart of the Social Media Climbers Paradise…the offices of Facebook. Look, the guys is smart. He’s not gonna just work from the periphery, rather, he used his celebrity status to infiltrate the nucleus of the social media machine. Let’s call it  Journey To The Center of the Earth meets Back to the Future.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQYi6RybLSI

Listen to the cooing and chortling of the Facebookers, like 2nd graders when the Fireman and Policeman come to give their annual presentations. I know, he’s a celebrity. All is forgiven. And frankly all is forgiven in the case of Kanye West. It is not like he whooped her or anything. So, Kanye made an inappropriate remark. Who doesn’t? What I might be entirely over is rap.

Kill the hypocrisy,
This is an aristocracy.
I’m Socrates
But my skin more chocolatey.

Yikes. Let’s see what Wikipedia says about Socrates and compare notes…shall we?

Socrates (Greek: Σωκράτης, soˈkraːtɛːs, Sōkrátēs; c. 469 BCE–399 BCE^[1], in English pronounced /ˈsɒkrətiːz/) was a Classical Greek philosopher. Credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy, Socrates is an enigmatic figure known chiefly through the accounts of later classical writers, especially the writings of his students Plato and Xenophon, and the plays of his contemporary Aristophanes. Yeah…let’s just say that Kanye plays Soccer-ates.

Barack Obama to sit in on The View.

So Barack Obama is going to be a guest on The View. That is more than interesting. Surely, this was David Axelrod’s idea. Considering how down the line Obama’s ratings have gotten and while I am at it, Axelrod’s recent outing on the Sunday talk shows was less than stellar. Yup, it is time for yet another achy-breaky PR blitz the goal being to Re-Hail to the Chief. Granted, this is probably the worst financial time on the planet and the Administration is doing whatever it can to help our economy, but the war in Afghanistan is putting the nail in the second term coffin. We are on the verge of Viet Nam, the Nixon years, like I am sitting here. Having lived through the Moratorium of 1969, the mood in the country was such that we had had just about enough of the politics that were killing off our troops. Granted the numbers are much different, but when read about the corruption in the Karzai Government, the drug dealing Taliban running rampant, well, people are getting really pissed. My guess is that the US is in for the biggest cut of that pie, which is why we are still there. Oil and drugs man. That’s what we live for.

I just wonder if Barack will join the ladies for that opening segment, Hot Topics, where they bitch and moan about things in the “news”, or as I like to call it…Bitchin’ Kitchen. Imagine if Obamski was including in the real nonsense that these gals obsess on like Kim Kardashian’s Tweets, Al Gore’s Masseuse-Gate, Lindsay Lohan’s Mug Shot, Snooki’s Pay Raise. Now that would be riveting television. Instead, we are about to be fed a pre-determined, all-holds barred, propaganda-fest, where Barack will try to sell us on his decision to stay in the Poppy Capital of the world so that we can stay there to protect Gross Baboons.

And God said, "This is perfection".

Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of Elizabeth Taylor In Vain

When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the Fifteen Commandments, as depicted in Mel Brooks‘ History of the World Part 1, there were five commandments that never saw the light of day. (Watch this short clip to learn about this little known biblical fact in Exodus 20:2–17.)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5aO7sswvJo

Anyhoo, one of those laws as commanded by the Lord himself was: Thou shalt not take the name of Elizabeth Taylor in vain. Sadly, we have become a society not dissimilar to those Israelite hedonists running rampant in the desert, building false idols, having orgies and carrying on like…well…people at Coachella. Recently, Katy Perry and Snooki have been cited and compared to Elizabeth Taylor and the Earth has started to shake. Who knows, perhaps this explains the extensive heat in New York City this summer. God is angry at these two women, whose art imitates the life of Elizabeth Taylor. Read these two snippets, which will explain everything.

Snooki was compared to Liz Taylor. And I say, De-Nial, is not a river in Egypt.

The Snooki Principle

Now, I have literally heard it all. In today’s The New York Times Style section, Cathy Horyn utters the words Elizabeth Taylor and Snooki in the same breath. Like it wasn’t bad enough that Katy Perry vomited her visions of grandeur, comparing herself to La Liz. But, really? Snooki? Somebody stick a fork in me, because I am done.

“The reason she (Snooki) makes me think of Elizabeth Taylor — quite apart from the unbridgeable divide of talent and beauty — is that photographs of Ms. Taylor in the 1960s, many of which recently ran in Vanity Fair, confirm a short, busty woman with high hair, big jewelry, garish taste in clothes and a complete indifference to the cyclonic effect that all that produced.”

First of all, Alexandre de Paris, the designer known for the elaborate up-do’s of that time was a master artist. The Snooki bump is utter nonsense. All you need is a friggen Bumpit and whallah….you too can be Snooki for a day…namely on Halloween. And as for the garish taste in clothes, Cathy, what was you mother wearing at that time? Go rummage through old photos. You’ll see that Liz Taylor was at the height of chic for the fashion of the times. I just can’t even believe I am writing half of this stuff. I am out of here, I am going to watch A Place in the Sun and compare it to Season One of Jersey Shore. I am surprised Ms. Horyn did not throw in the comparison of The Situation to Richard Burton while she was at it.

Katy Perry launches Purr, a new fragrance.

Katy Perry Purrs Like A Wanna-Be Cat on A Hot Tin Roof

Look, I love that new Katy Perry song California Girls. It kinda makes me feel like a California girl, they play it my spiritual aerobics class, the video is adorable. Love it. Love it all. What I am sad to report, is that Katy Perry was feeling compelled to go one step further to monopolize the media by launching a new, signature fragrance called Purr. What’s worse, is that the sound bite in Women’s Wear Daily, “I am a product whore,” Katy Perry said with a laugh. “I am a consumer of a multitude of beauty products and I’m always looking for the next great thing that will make me into the young Elizabeth Taylor I would love to be. I must have about 100 products on my counter right now.” Excuse me dear, but please don’t flatter yourself by comparing yourself to a young Elizabeth Taylor. Purr all you want, you are not A Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. If La Liz is your inspiration? Great. Claim that because she is mine, too. But a friggen bottle of schpritz does not do a damn thing to make you Elizabeth anything. If that was your modus operandi…you should have signed up for The Actor’s Studio to shed some of your veneer.

California Girls is also the song of the CW11 for this fall season, so get used to seeing her, hearing her and now smelling Katy Perry…ad nauseum.

This image is almost prophetic since Lindsay Lohan is twice as hard to handle.

Sung to the tune of Laverne & Shirley

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Shapiro, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated. She’s gonna do it.
Give her any chance, she’ll take it. Give her any rule, she’ll break it. She’s gonna make her dreams come true.
Doin’ it her way.

Will she go, won’t she go. I have a headache. Any way you slice it, the media is hanging on Lindsay Lohan’s every move anxiously awaiting for her to speak. And just who she will she be spilling her guts to, besides her Twitter followers? Surely she has locked in some big deal with a news source to bla bla about how afraid she is, and how unfair that judge was, and how annoying we all are. Well, I wish her well. Even when she is locked away, Lindsay will dominate the news. Every woman that so much brushes past her will come out of the klink with a TMZ story. So, if you think you’ve heard the end of Lohan while she is in the slammer, think again…’cause…

She’s only just begun….to live. White lace and promises. A kiss for luck and she’s on her way….

And as Lindsay goes on her merry way into the bull-dyke pit, here is that behind the scenes photo shoot shot by the Cougar Lesbian at the Complex shot.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pgZXnRAUEE

And while we’re at it, this is my favorite video of Lindsay Lohan shot by Yu Tsai for Muse magazine.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLI8rWtU86M

www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTWkNbjZyDc

Here’s an informative look as to where the business of imagery is going. I set up camp at LeBook Connections this season to ask the industry leaders where they though moving images versus print was headed. There were several riveting conversations, and all of which meant that things are ever changing…yet, somehow staying the same. You decide for yourself.

Produced by Image Loading for IMW-TV.

The point  being…one thing led to another and Sarah was in New York on business, (no, not monkey business, she is retied from that) earlier this year. We sat down, rather, laid down in bed at the Hotel Gansevoort for an IMW-TV interview. To read the original article, click here.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxV2vfLJZ3I

Produced by Image Loading for IMW-TV.

Sarah Symonds is the not Anonymous Mistress.

BP has the opportunity to plug the other big hole.

Did you ever have one of those days where nothing seems to make you go mmmm? Far be it from me not to have an opinion on just about everything in today’s headlines, mind you. The Gulf Oil Spill is finally capped. It seems like that saga has gone on longer that than the War in Iraq. Yes, the gusher is sealed, yet there seemed to be no real celebratory hooray from the media. It took second spot to that Wall Street non-starter reform package. Here I thought it was all about the fact that whole areas of land and wildlife were being destroyed, families forced to move away and start new lives, America’s greatest disaster on record. And the response was like…”Ho hum”. Are we that desensitized to great news as opposed to the titanic response to let’s say, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston’s engagement? How about the 80th newly released audio tape from that crazy lunatic Mel Gibson, kvetching about how broke and horny he is? My suggestion to BP executives and Hilary Rosen, their public relations point person, to combat the unending bad publicity caused by the spill, would be to use the same plugging device on Mel Gibson and watch how quickly the tide will turn for a positive spin. Imagine, a picture of Mel Gibson with a big BP plug in his mouth on the cover of People, Us Weekly, Star, The Huffington Post, Perez Hilton, D-Listed, Gawker. But what do I know?

Sign me right up!

“Mommy, Mommy, please, please.” Can you just imagine the amount of whining going on in the households of tweenagers across the U.S. when they discover that there is such thing as Modeling Camp? I am even pining to go. What fun would that be? Daily walk-offs, applying lipstick, vomiting…I’m there. The reactions from the readers of The Huffington Post is that of horror, comparing Modeling Camp to those scary pageants like the Universal Royalty Child Beauty Pageant that JonBenet Ramsey used to belong to. But I don’t think they are similar at all. Modeling and Beauty Pageants are two different animals altogether. What they teach you at beauty pageant school is nothing that you can use in real life. What…big hair and bugle beads? Not unless you are Debbie Reynolds does that figure into our current fashion landscape. At least with Modeling Camp there the intention to introduce kids to the business of modeling. Surely they do not cover, sleeping with the photographer in order to get new pictures. But you know what I mean.

Let’s face it, neither of these institutions are going anywhere. Even with all the recent exposés on child beauty pageants, including Kathy Griffin’s goof on Bravo’s My Life on the List, there will always be those chubby mid-western moms pushing their dainty, little, loved ones onto runways in Ramada Inns till the end of time. And as for models, well, they have fully come into their own thanks to Tyra Banks and heroin chic.

So do I…Oy.

Click here to follow I MEAN…WHAT?!? on Twitter.

I actually did catch the bouquet from my friend Annie at her wedding. Uh, oh. What does that mean?

It is not often that I go to a gay wedding…you can count them on one hand. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. The idea of gay marriage resonates more for the gay community at large than for me, though I support it wholeheartedly. Just not sure whether it is something for everyone. Not being a bigot here, I believe the same holds true for straight marriage as well. All that aside, my friends Annie Washburn and Emily Giske tied the knot yesterday in the loveliest setting on Cape Cod…Provincetown to be exact…duh. But it was moving and sweet, and having been the one to introduce them, it was a touching culmination of two ships passing in the night…only to end up docked at the harbor of P-Town.

Anyway, if you know me at all, you know what a cynic I am about these things. A year ago I wrote a piece, I Mean…Gay Marriage?!?:

It’s time for me to chime in on this gay marriage issue. Clearly I am not an opponent nor am I a proponent either. I’m from the school of “live and let live”, so if two gay people want to get married…by all means, make it legal in every state, you have my blessing. I think you’re nuts…but go right ahead. The notion of marriage has always seems a bit archaic to me, straight, gay or otherwise. Monogamy is a challenging notion that defies gravity: that which is forbidden becomes obsession. Yes, there are those lovely exceptions; couples that are perfect for each other…harmonious…the ideal couple. I’ve seen that maybe twice. Other than that, it’s “Relationships are tough, I feel trapped” or “What an asshole” and “Not tonight, I’m not in the mood” as a rule of thumb. I should know, I survived an eleven year relationship.

I went to my first gay wedding in California in 1999. It was a gorgeous affair in Montecito (where Oprah now has a house)  attended by the couple’s 100 closest friends in a grand, Spanish-style mansion built in the 1920’s. We all stood in a large circle on the sprawling grounds as the couple went around in the circle, “honoring” each and every one of us for sharing in this momentous occasion.  I attended my first gay divorce, six months later to the day. Same house, less lavish affair. I knew then that gay marriage was a sham just like straight marriages, except for those rare exceptions like Ellen and Portia or Elton and David (and now Annie and Emily).



This creature is no longer with us. Move on kiddies.

Today’s article in The New York Times Style about Miley Cyrus is reason one to celebrate the passing of Hannah Montana. The article quotes Percy Hamm, some 11-year old who is disenchanted with her recent risque behavior. When asked about the Vanity Fair pictorial, she said, “I don’t know what was going on in her head.” Like I…or Miley…give a hoot about what some judgmental tangerine thinks about her life choices? Let me clarify: A tangerine is what I call precocious, unruly, overly verbal, whiny kids. Several years ago, Tropicana was launching a line of fruit flavored drinks, and their ad campaign featured a few kids tangerines, each spouting the different flavors. The girl they cast to represent “tangerine” was sooo annoying…like beyond…hence the name stuck. Anyhoo…back to Miley and Hannah.

Miley Cyrus caught giving an old queen, Adam Shankman, a lap dance.

What astonishes me is how people are not willing to let go of their preconceived notions of who their idols can become. Miley Cyrus was acting as Hannha Montana. She isn’t actually that character. That’s like saying that Glenn Close who was playing the character Alex Forrest in the film Fatal Attraction, was really acting like Glenn and being a total, murderous nut bag. There is no difference….besides age group. The fault does not lie with the Miley Cyrus’ or Lindsay Lohan’s of the world when little kids can not accept their idols growing up. It is the Disney-fied dream machine that makes millions of unsuspecting kids turn their will and their lives over to the care of an idea of who someone is. Smart or otherwise, Disney is still able to manufacture illusion, as in the old studio system of Hollywood, where dreams were made and the movies took people away from their mundane lives and problems. Well, the same holds true with the Hannah Montana good girl machine. What is really happening here is that Miley Cyrus is growing out of her tangerine stage and her tangerine followers are not letting her go. I, for one, think that Miley is making the best possible moves, like a snake shedding its skin, to shake off that Hannah Montana image and live her life as she sees fit. Funny, this is pretty much the same story as yesterday about LeBron James and his decision to move to Miami. Do you really think that highly of yourself that your opinion matters when it comes to celebrities making personal…really personal life choices? Think again…tangerine.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA