Levi Johnston For Mayor
Mayor Levi Johnston. Now that has a nice ring…huh? Fresh off the heels of his super-public split from Bristol Palin, baby-daddy Levi Johnston has announced from the Teen Choice Awards Blue Carpet that he will seek a run for the mayor-ship of Wasilla, Alaska. You know, that fair little town in our 49th state where [...]
Gloria Allred Does It Again
Gloria Allred, freedom fighter for all the single ladies, all the single ladies, has done it again. She was the lawyer on the case of real estate/actress Jodie Fisher, who was entangled with Mark Hurd, CEO of HP, the world’s largest tech conglomerate. Hurd resigned abruptly on Friday as a result of this case [...]
Why No News Is Big News?!?
Far be it from me to be a buzz kill, however, last time I checked we were still in the middle of two wars. Though the Afghanistan debacle is kind-of top-of-mind, we still have the Iraq situation, which gets very little media play…despite the fact that the July death toll there was the highest in [...]
Jersey Snore
With the endless promotion building up for the second season of MTV’S Jersey Shore, it was inevitable that the show would not live up to the hype. Sure, I tuned in…but I DVR’ed it so the advertisers don’t get my eyeballs. Strike One. “We’re going to Miami, bitches” was uttered more times than was necessary. [...]
Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston Are Gross Baboons
Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I [...]
Rachel Uchitel Is Back…With A Vengeance
We knew that Rachel Uchitel would not fade into the woodwork forever after taking the alleged millions of dollars from Tiger Woods in exchange for shutting her uber-collagen enhanced lips about their illicit sexual affair. The good news is, who needed her to tell us anything, my sources told me plenty. In particular, Tiger would [...]
Punking Sarah Palin
There’s something fishy going on here. My guess is that the unexpected news of the pending nuptials between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston is really just a ruse and not even true. The whole story is a publicity scam generated out of Sarah Palin’s office. Well, seeing that her publicist is Bristol Palin, BSMP, LLC, [...]
The Nobody News
Boy, it has been way too long since I did an entry of The Nobody News. Summer is usually the best time for TNN because virtually every nobody thinks they are somebody and virtually every nobody is wrong about that. We are all entitled to a good time for sure, just let’s relax about who [...]
Mel Gibson: Front Runner For Gross Baboon Of The Year
Not that I didn’t predict this, but Mel Gibson has put the final nail in his own coffin…and all I can say is, “Toodles, you psychotic nut bag”. Listening to the chilling tape of Mel ranting to the mother of his newest baby, whom he has recently clocked in the jaw, I agree with Oksana [...]
Eau de Bruce Willis?!?
Here we go again….yet, another celebrity-turned-stink. This time, Bruce Willis is the man of the hour. Yup, because I know how much you have wanted to smell like Bruce Willis since his Moonlighting days. I personally wanted to smell like him when he was in Death Becomes Her, with Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn. Speaking [...]
Ashley Dupre: Hooker-Turned-Real Estate Mogul
Ya gotta give Ashley Dupre credit for her uncanny ability to reinvent herself over and over again. She’s gone from a Jersey Shore-type girl to Girl’s Gone Wild party gal to hooker. Then she went on to hooker with a master plan to fashionista (vis-a-vis Kelly Cutrone) to Dear John Abby, to desperate for acting [...]
Mel Gibson: Gross Baboon Of The Year
Hi there. Big holiday weekend. Am already away and wondered what to write about today, sitting idly by a pool. There’s not that much happening in the news, beyond the controversy between Mel Gibson and his Russian gold digger, Oksana Grigieva. Who knows, maybe she is a Russian spy, too. We all know what a [...]
Sarah Palin’s Assets
The news of Sarah Palin’s seemingly larger breasts almost overtook the BP Oil Spill as the most talked about item of the week. Once again, it shows how deep the American conscience runs. Dead birds…awww…can’t deal. Big, shiny new breasts…let’s discuss and re-Tweet. We must stop trying to act like the leaders of the free [...]
Exorcising The Crap Out Of New Jersey
Announcing the newest candidates for Gross Baboon of the Year Award, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa and Joe Guidice. Reading about their spendaholic, bankruptcy-inducing shenanigans made me really angry. As someone born in that fair state, the recent bevvy of Gross Baboons with New Jersey blazoned on their foreheads is enough to make anyone [...]
Rue We Will Miss You
Who doesn’t love the Golden Girls? Each of the four lovely ladies are etched in the pop culture vernacular. Learning of Rue McClanahan’s death is just another reminder that we are all out of here…sooner or later. So…here’s to much, much later. Rue…you did good on Earth by bringing joy to many for years. I [...]
Cut From The Same Cloth
While dilly-dallying this morning, I came upon a few people who were recently photographed that somehow fit into a nice neat box. A fotz box. Now, I know that not everyone can be a supermodel or Gwyneth Paltrow, who has been on more red carpets lately than…well…red carpets. I just thought there was a through [...]
Jesse James Sheds Crocodile Tears
Awww, poor baby. Skank got your tongue? And other similarly shaped parts? Jesse James sits down for an interview and surely he must feel remorse that his whole butch straight act is no looked at as a stupid, low rent, low class, nobody that lucked out. We’ve watched you from The Celebrity Apprentice through the [...]
What Was That On American Idol
Perez Hilton was busy hawking his one-man, boy band, Travis Garland on American Idol and the end result was…yikes. Perez Hilton had the balls to compare this My Space novice to, “Justin Timberlake…only better.” The performance was sad. Sadder than punch actually. The dancers were fotz…and that girl titillating Travis was so stagey lame that [...]
Run For The Hills
Last night I watched my first episode of The Hills. Yikes. There is not one redeemable character on that show. The way Kristin Cavallari drones on and on in Valley Girl speak makes my skin crawl. Has she been shot up with too much Novocaine? Kristin does not close her mouth to enunciate complete words. [...]
Donald Trump To Host “Gross Baboon Of The Year Awards”
Look, I am by no means a prude, but have you seen the new campaign to promote the Miss USA pageant? Donlad Trump’s properties have just had a major Victoria’s Secret overhaul. The marketing campaign just launched and all 51 contestants have traded in their pageant hair and cornball, prom gowns for that skanky, Gross [...]
The Making of a Gross Baboon
Do you ever stop to wonder how on Earth all these tacky, low-rent people have managed to claw their way into the media and take up so much of our time these days? Look no further than your mirror. What you will see there is one of the reasons that Gross Baboons have even entered [...]
Vanity Fair To Middling
What is the deal with Vanity Fair’s obsession with Tiger Woods and his merry band of hookers? The new issue, on stands today, continues its coverage of the Gross Baboons that brought down America’s most boring sports superstar. The Temptation of Tiger Woods, Part Two digs deeper into this less-than-riveting story, which is sooo yesterday’s [...]
Kahlil Gibran: On Coming Out
This is the least interesting update on the planet Earth. Earlier I wrote about the pending homosexual announcement of a major star on the cover of People magazine. Well, TMZ, (Lord knows they are the go-to site for realness) is claiming that they have solved the mystery and the person coming out of the closet [...]
