Are they wearing vintage Valentino?

Hail Mary. This particular Papal Conclave has so much riding on it, that I am seeing red. And with that, I give you the gals from Heart Truth event that kicks off New York Fashion Week. Any money bet that Diet Coke would love to sponsor the Papal Conclave too. Or maybe we should get Paypal can offer up some merchandising points. Anyhoo. What I want to know is why the Papalettes wear red, does it bring out their eyes?

Who wore it better?

I Mean…What?!?

Well, I guess Charlie Theron hair accessories was a no go.

Ooh…La La..Charlize.
Nothing comes between me and my Therons?

Move over Sasson, Calvin Klein, Mr. Levi and Mr. Strauss ’cause there is a new denim brand on the horizon and Charlize Theron has her hot, little, Oscar-winning, paw prints all over it. Word is that Ms. Theron is planning to launch a denim line in cahoots with her stylist Leslie Fremar, surely to help raise money for her very important AIDS-related charity work in South Africa, though that info was not included in the hot press tip.

So, let me get this straight, with all the many denim companies around, no one wanted to just cut a deal with Charlize and donate proceeds to her charity hence, eliminate another SKU, another ridiculous celebrity fashion bridge line…as in I have a bridge to sell you if you think this nonsense will last. I am an old timer who believes an Academy Award puts someone in a league of their own as opposed to a viable schmatta peddler. But what do I know?

Yes, you too can be photographed wearing Theron Jeans with a Matthew McConaughey shirt accessorized with an I Mean What?!? trucker hat.

I Mean…What?!?

Fashion’s Night Over And Out

FNO - Rest In Peace – Sayonara Shopping Sisters – See You At The Next Market Crash

Fashion Night Out: Here lies a perfectly great idea that came to light at an incredibly upsetting time in our economy and leave it up to the PR & Marketing Gods & Godessess to have taken this brilliant concept that Anna Wintour created for the City of New York and turned it into a cheap cluster-fuck of nonsense and even cheaper thrills. Two years go while walking through the Meatpacking District smack dab into the POP CHIPS activation, I turned to my friend and said, “This event has two years, three tops before it dies on the vine.” And died on the vine it has.

The announcement came as no surprise to me, but websites like Buzzfeed sure had a giggle on the back of what was created to help desperate retailers. Amy Odell wrote a persnickety piece, Nine Reason Fashion’s Night Out Needed To End. Truth is, this is no laughing matter. Our economy is still in the shitter. I don’t care what small percentage of bithces are able to buy The Row alligator bag priced at $35,000, overall things still blow chunks for the masses. And correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t Fashion’s Night Out designed to be at the core a Democratic idea? Bringing fashion to the people in celebration of the new fall season? What FNO needed to do–which I told the people at Vogue–is have it become a monthly activation with less hoopla and more in-store incentives. Enroll endless media partners and select a different charity each month and give the friggen zillion of needy charities a moment to flourish. But what do I know?

Naturally the uber-marketing hussies worked overtime to booze up consumers while selling shwarma on the streets. Really classy, y’all. These black clad bitches ruined FNO with their not-so-bright, big ideas and are partially responsible for its demise. More celebs, more booze and more celebs, meaning Real Housewives getting paid to appear at a friggen Aldo Shoes store. Am I alone in knowing that this is not a good way to go? Don’t answer that because the truth is too depressing. Where does one go when everywhere you turn has exploded into a cross-marketing-pollination of vomit offering a Sunglass Hut its first five minutes of fame? Either to hell or Los Angeles. So I opted for LA. Venice, actually. Sure there is nonsense here, but at least on Abbot Kinney the chain stores are not welcome…yet.

I Mean…What?!?

Just what you wanted, a Matthew McConaughey shirt.

Matthew McConaughey What? Anyone who is anyone knows that I Mean What has been a voice against celebrity designers. These Johnny Come Lately non Academy Award winning, or Emmy, or Tony, or any any award winners try their hand, rather, they sell their name to a schmatta peddler and take some dosh.
Lindsay Lohan, the slew of Kardashians, heck even Sarah Jessica Parker threw her hat in the ring at Halston, and today the news is that Matthew McConaughey has entered the ring for a bout of utter nonsense. This is more than anyone should bare. And when I say bare, I mean bare assed because hello…he looks better naked! Matthew, bless her, should be selling a fitness regime and excercise wear and even a line of jock straps for his excellent turn in Magic Mike. But this new menswear collection is so bland that reminds us why Matthew McConaughey will never get an Oscar. Not until he cancels this ridiculous attempt at being a celebrity designer.

Don’t believe me? Look at the highlights of this bullshit excuse for a collection.

Does it get more interesting than this Matthew McConaughey original?

No it does not. To say nothing of the fact that this shirt is better purchased at the Melrose Trading Post (Flea Market).

I rest my case.

I Mean…What?!?

“Our clothes are quiet”, says Ms. Yang of Holmes & Yang. Well, nothing says quiet more than something boring that you might find at Ann Taylor Loft, several years back. Shhh or rather Zzzz…

WTF! Has the world gone so topsy turvy that gross is the new black? When I read Cathyn Horyn’s bit in The New York Times about how mundane the first few days of New York Fashion Week were, I had to see for myself since I am lolly gagging in Venice Beach for the winter rinsing off the many prior New York Fashion Weeks for a cleansing moment.

This is a look from Kelly Wearstler. More to the point, this is the worst ler I have even seen. Like stick to interior design and fotz. Every one wants to design fashion or direct.

Upon perusing some of the collections via Women’s Wear Daily, style.com or my inbox from a host of publicists, I was horrified at much of what I saw. Not everything, but enough to say that in a tough retail climate like the one we are mired in, the many Anna Wintour darlings should be damn glad that friggen Targette and Jean Claude Penniey exists, not to mention the softer side of Sears. YIKES!

Continuing my rant about Kelly “The Worst” Wearstler.

Join me won’t you. This is the worst of the Wearstlers.

Whit referenced Marianne Faithfull in her story on this season. And this girl is like the antithesis of Marianne. Actuallly it is more like Marianne half Jewish grand daughter’s frenemy.

Heather Lawton, another new addition to the scene thinks this is what to wear in the snow. Little Red Riding Hood is turning in her grave.

Either that or Little Red Riding Hood has become a bag lady. This is an outfit yanked off a homeless person on the Bowery. Oh wait, the Bowery is now gentrified, make that the Port Authority.

This new designer is called A Detacher. Now if you want my opinion, the only thing that should be detached is that orange dickie. WTF!

Nothing says slenderizing fashion than a fucking cow print complete with yoke. A Detacher seems detached from women looking svelte.

Do you have a headache from this look? I do. Haus Alkire should revisit the hat. and other things…like New York Fashion Week. Clearly there is a market for this look, but not in this part of the hemisphere.

Sorry, but this Gregory Parkinson collection looks like it would be best suited on Mary Todd Lincoln. There is more fabric per square foot in this presentation that attendees.

Creatures of Comfort are taking their name to literally. If I wanted to wear a woobie, I would go with the black blanket that the chick from the homeless shelter was wearing. This fabric looks like the blanket I bought for my dogs Woodstock and Alfie at Ross for Less.

Again, Creatures of Comfort want you to parade about in your night cap (not a shot of booze) and your somewhat stylish-ish pajamas. Rachel Roy did that a couple of seasons ago and Lord knows thank goodness that’s over.

I Mean…What?!?

A couple of summers ago I wrote a piece for the Huffington Post called Oil of Oy Vey, which dealt with the Hurricane Katrina fiasco. In an effort to make lemons into lemonade and thinking out-of-the-box after the tragedy, I suggested that the Gulf of Mexico states embrace the region and turn it into a beauty spa destination updating the tourists quotient and giving a fresh start to a disastrous area where much rebuilding was needed. Having gone to Belle Harbor, New York  and seeing first hand the devastation and the need to rebuild, it brought me back to the core idea to that article. Might there be a sliver of reason to consider doing this spa thing here in the New York – New Jersey area. Granted, the freezing cold months will be less appealing, but if what we accomplish here is age-defying and youth-enhancing, trust me, no one will care to leave the warmth of the spa. After all, ski lodges are packed in the winter, so perhaps we can design the interiors complete with lodge-like details for those who need to feature apres-ski wear, and better yet, sans the risk of skiing accidents. Just a thought.

Let’s face it, people are flocking all over the world for well priced beauty treatments and surgeries. So, my thought is we create an area here, build a couple of beauty clinics, staff up with great new doctors from around the world to keep the prices competitive. It’s not such a stupid idea. By eliminating international travel costs that could help keep the prices relatively comparable. Am I crazy? I also want to draw everyone’s attention to using this platform to promote products make is the USA and more specifically Queen Helene located in Long Island. This little known drug store brand discontinued one of their products around the time of Katrina that had me searching high and low for whatever stock I could snatch up. This stuff is amazing. I would bathe in it if I could, which I could in a spa setting filled with vats of this stuff here jut near Long Island.

Queen Helene Grape Seed Extract Skin Firming Cream Ingredients = Fountain of Youth

Mineral Oil, Water (Aqua), Beeswax, Paraffin, Cocoa (Thoebroma Cacao) Butter, Sodium Borate, Grape Seed (Vitis Vinifera) Extract, Elastin, Collagen, Panthenol, Stearyl Alcohol, Wheat (Triticum Vulgare) Germ Oil, Tocopherol (Vitamin E), Vegetable Oil, Retinyl Palmitate, Ergocalciferol (Vitamin A & D), Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Diazolidinyl Urea, Propylene Glycol, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Fragrance (Parfum).

I Mean…What?!?

Peta Wilson is Wylie Wilson and says, “We are all a bit Wylie”.

Peta Wilson, the beautiful blond from La Femme Nikita has a new project that is totally unexpected and fun. Ladies and ladies, introducing, “Wylie Wilson, a collection of knickers that are cool, sexy, and irreverent. From bedroom to boardroom, bistro to beach-bar, express your personality with my kaleidoscopic collection of knickers.” (I’m guessing gentlemen will be interested as well.)

The look of the one-of-a-kind undergarments coupled with the way Peta is marketing Wylie Wilson is so hot. Peta launched the collection with a pop-up store on Abbot Kinney Boulevard in Venice, California. The wyliewilson.com e-Commerce website is up and there are plans for people to host Wylie Wilson home parties. After being accosted by Victoria’s Secret extensive marketing efforts, this indie version of underthings is really refreshing. Watch this short video.
ABE GURKO: Who is Wylie Wilson?
PETA WILSON: I am and so are you! Just put WYLIE with your name and you’re that girl, too.
ABE: I would like nothing more, they are adorable. Why Wylie?
PETA: Wylie is from the word “wiles” an old french word that essentially means smart cunning, sly…a bit mystical, magical…something I think we all need to be at times. Especially when trying to do something new that has been done a million times before.
ABE: One of a kind knickers are surely something new. Who was your inspiration?
PETA: My grandmother before she went to the other side she said, “Darling, don’t try and walk to the beat of some else’s drum… that’s just not your rhythm.”
ABE: Do you have plans to expand beyond knickers?
PETA: I have some great other Wylie ideas to share with all…
ABE: Any other influences?
PETA: For everything including this brand, my inspiration is the one and only Dr. Seuss. “Oh, the places you’ll go!”
ABE: I love the quote on your homepage of your eCommerce website.
PETA: Sometimes the knowing is all a girl really needs.

Check out wyliewilson.com

Peta Wilson has always had a penchant for sexy lingerie.

I Mean…What?!?

Girl, this is gonna be fierce.

Carine Roitfeld and Anna Wintour in the pre-fashion advertising war days. Let’s get ready to rumble! ‘Cause now the competition is going to get really fierce between Harper’s BAZAAR and Vogue. The war of the fashion glossies is on. And although Anna Wintour is sure to act like it’s business as usual, “No big whoop”, I am sure the backroom arm twisting for advertisers and editorial is about to get really sick. Meanwhile, I just hope Glenda Bailey, love her, is OK with all this. Though she doesn’t seem to be all that ego driven. She is quite lovely and chill. But poor W Magazine. Will Stefano Tonchi be left out in the cold on this one? Unless of course Conde Nast decides to use W as an added value placement opportunity for those Vogue addies. You know, advertise in Vogue and for every additional page you do with us versus Harper’s Bazaar, we will throw you a W bone. Anyway you slice it, the dish is huge… to the fashionista audience anyway. Most people on Earth won’t give a clahoon.

How this is going to impact CR Fashion Book or whatever the hell that magazine is called? Only time will tell if Hearst is obligated to do a couple issues a year and let that be  the Hearst answer to W. But damn, Carine Roitfeld leaving Paris Vogue was like the best thing she did besides inventing ONLY wearing all black at all times. Which, by the way, duh, did you see my piece in The Huffington Post last week?

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Here’s the actual dish from Hearst:

International Style Icon Carine Roitfeld Will Produce Limited Series of Fashion Stories To Run Across Worldwide Editions

Carine Roitfeld has joined forces with Harper’s BAZAAR internationally as global fashion director, it was announced today by David Carey, president, Hearst Magazines, and Duncan Edwards, president and CEO, Hearst Magazines International. Roitfeld will collaborate with Stephen Gan, creative director of Harper’s BAZAAR U.S., on several stories a year starting in the March 2013 issues of all 26 international editions of BAZAAR, which have a combined audience of more than 11.3 million worldwide. The special project may include covers of many of BAZAAR’s international editions.

Roitfeld, who has recently published the first edition of her new magazine CR Fashion Book, will give her own unique take on the key fashion trends each season. “I am thrilled to be contributing to BAZAAR, a brand with a rich history of creativity,” said Roitfeld.  Roitfeld will continue to work on her various other projects including her newly launched biannual, CR Fashion Book. (Reallah, see above.)

I Mean…What?!?

By purchasing this T-shirt, you will help the CFDA provide critical services for people with breast cancer.

Fashion Targets Breast Cancer T-shirt Campaign is available through CFDA. Join their critical initiative along with supermodel Karolina Kurkova, who lent her support to this fantastic cause, by purchasing the cool new T-shirt that sells for only $34.99. The Council of Fashion Designers of America continues to harness the power of the fashion community’s ability to motivate millions of people to respond to critical programs that support AIDS and breast cancer initiatives.

Since in 1994, Fashion Targets Breast Cancer is a widely recognized effort that raises public awareness and funds to support breast cancer research, education, screening and patient care. Inspired by Ralph Lauren in memory of his late friend Nina Hyde, The Washington Post columnist who died of breast cancer, the campaign has become an ongoing initiative of the CFDA Foundation. Since its launch, Fashion Targets Breast Cancer has become the worldwide fashion community’s singular and most successful response to breast cancer, raising over $50 million dollars.

The new mission of I Mean What is to draw the attention of my fiercely fabulous readers to critical fundraising initiatives, charitable causes, emerging artists and designers while honoring people that are doing meaningful things with their precious time on Earth. All the charities featured here are through one degree of separation of the diverse characters in my life. Steven Kolb and Lisa Smilor and two such people whose work with the CFDA must be highlighted and I am happy to do my part to help their valiant efforts. Please take a moment and purchase your T-shirt today.

SIDEBAR: In October 1998, I conceived and produced Save the Day, a citywide initiative to promote women getting mammograms in conjunction with the National Alliance of Breast Cancer Organizations. The campaign was quite meaningful to me as I lost my best friend to cancer the prior year. On October 16 of that year, thousands of women went to get their mammograms and by proving that they did, they received a fabulous gift bag from Bloomingdales, our key sponsor along with Mastercard. Anyhoo, just wanted to share that ditty with you. Throughout my career, I have been blessed with the ability to produce diverse fundraising initiatives that have benefited programs to support AIDS, breast and ovarian cancer, PTSD, poverty, bullying, children’s causes, and education. Please continue to visit I Mean What because when you do, there will always be valuable information about various charitable initiatives that will allow you to do your part to help the world or as I like to say, “Carve out your place in heaven”.

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I Mean…What?!?

The good old days.

Last year I wrote an article about the GAP just after they fired head designer, Patrick Robinson that went viral called, What The Gap Needs Now Is Love Sweet Love. In a matter of hours it went from my desk through the blogosphere landing squarely on the desk of the Global External Affairs, GAP, Inc. personage. The power of the internet at work. The GAP was–at least I would like to think–impressed with my observations, suggestions on how they might move forward. But what they did was ultimately romance the stoned (me) by setting up a meeting with one of their big wigs for a sit down interview. Little did I know it was just a ruse to shut me up. As nice as they all were, what it ended up being was a convoluted, extensive job of smiling while putting the kibosh on any reason for me to keep blogging about them snarkily.

This was all transpiring while the GAP was being clobbered by  the newer, hipper fast retailers opening up all around them from H & M to Zara. One of the points in my article was for the GAP to close the sadder looking stores like the one near my apartment that had more dust bunnies tumbling around than denim. That or just clean up the damn place. Another suggestion was for them to work with independent up-and-coming designers vis-a-vis Milk Made or similar, which they gladly followed suit and recently launched a project in association with GQ magazine.

It was that very project that caused the GAP a bit of weird controversy with the American-Indian community of all things. One of the indie designers, Mark McNairy, created a T-shirt that says “MANIFEST DESTINY” on it, an expression that–who would have thunk–had really horrendous roots. Specifically, Renee Roman Nose, a Native American activist wrote, “Manifest Destiny was the catch phrase which led to the genocide of millions of my people, millions of Indigenous people throughout this country.” The designer also Tweeted as part of the promotion, “MANIFEST DESTINY. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST” that disappeared off the Twitter feed soon enough. Hey, we all make mistakes, but one might suggest Wikipedia-ing everything slogan on Earth prior to going to print. Maybe I should have added that in my notes to them.

Note to self: Stop spewing your brilliance around freely for free and not expect your good deeds to go unpunished. Earth to Abe.

Note to Renee Roman Nose: Wikipedia also mentions: By 1843 John Quincy Adams, a major supporter of Manifest Destiny had changed his mind and repudiated it because it meant the expansion of slavery in Texas. Boy, this could not go away fast enough.

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I Mean…What?!?