Russell Brand is the Katy Perry of men's cosmetics. (Click image)

Finally, men can come out of the closet…and we are not talking about their sexuality here, rather, that men can openly say they use cosmetics and still maintain their butchness…ish. The New York Times Style section has an article about the rapidly growing market of cosmetics created exclusively for men. I love that the evolution of man boils down to his desire to maintain his youth and beauty. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. On the contrary. When men became admitted metrosexuals…though I prefer the term Manzies for this purpose…all bets were off. Suddenly, “straight” men were allowed to wear a pink Ralph Lauren Polo Shirt…collar up, sport an over-sized purse and drink cocktails with titles.

Zac Efron should do a deal woth MAC Cosmetics...if you ask me.

The men’s cosmetics industry is in fact booming and I applaud those who create the product lines and the men who use them. Let’s all be honest…who doesn’t want to look the best they can? Lord knows I tweeze and cover whatever is not locked down to my personage. And if you look at the “boys” on the Jersey Shore…you’d think that Snooki and JWoww were the guys in the house.

There is no better place to be than the Meatpacking District on Fashion's Night Out on September 10th.

What do Selma Blair, Christina Ricci, Kelly Rowland, Sean Lennon, Robin Thicke, Charlotte Kemp Muhl, Helena Christensen, Miike Snow, DJ Cassidy, Ali Hewson, Harley Viera Newton, Mia Morretti have in common? Fashion’s Night Out in the Meatpacking District, which we have sub-named…Fashion Lives Downtown.

Say what you want about Fashion’s Night Out, that Anna is only doing this for Vogue, or that Jews in Borough Park are mortified because it falls on Rosh Hashanah, or that this is about drinking and not shopping, but Fashion’s Night Out is like the blob and literally engulfing all of Manhattan. Yes, I know, it has spread to other cities as well…but let’s face it….NYC is where it’s at. Fashion’s Night Out has taken on a life of its own and we have organized a ferocious set of events and activities throughout the Meatpacking District that are off the hook. Click the image for a complete list of activities. Also, please note, that I MEAN…WHAT?!? will be handing out Fotzy Balloons that evening as well…no..seriously….actual balloons that say FOTZY.

Don't be popping that cork just yet.

The Emmy Wards were not terrible. But they were not great either. The reason why the Grammy Awards racks up over 25 million viewers, like twice that of the Emmys, is because the show itself is interesting…or more so…due to the sheer fact that there are performances. I have to agree with Defamer on half of their commentary. I liked Jimmy Fallon as host, though he could be reeled in a bit. Not everything worked. The worst part of the telecast was that color commentator who spoke as each winner went to the stage to receive their awards. He was unfunny and beyond annoying. The bad little bits and barbs that the presenters spew trying to act spontaneous are painful at best. The other thing about the Grammy Awards is that they don’t have corny orchestra music. The Emmys, as well as the Oscars are so old fashioned, like in a corny french horns kind of way. Anyhoo…between the bad up-do’s on the red carpet and the format of a show that lacks energy and performances, someone hip needs to take the reigns of these awards shows and change things up.

1: Weddings
2: Red Carpet Events

What compels women to forgo their usual relaxed hairstyles for something that looks so awkward. They become robot heads and in most cases, it just does not work. Just because you are on a red carpet, does not make you Audrey Hepburn. Here are a few examples:

Rita Wilson was wrong on all fronts. The Prada dress, the wanna be Prada ad campaign hair. Oy.

The hair, the dress. Just sing and dance girl. Too pretty to be this clueless. Does she not own a gay?

This actress needs to know the red carpet basics. Loud prints on loud bodies does not work. And the hair should have stayed down.

Kim Kardashian is lovely...but I would have rather seen a high ponytail rather than this wanna be Alexandre de Paris.

Jane, Jane, Jane. The couture Escada colostomy bag is not helped with your up do...or rather...up don't.

Kate Gosselin is still annoying. And I can;'t quite make out whether she has her extensions pulled back or its back to her dyke cut.

Lauren Graham also needs to purchase a gay. Between the bad hair and the dress designed by a straight man (Yigal Azruel) there is no way a gay was part of her team. Wanna bet?

Ditto on Kristin Whig. Not a gay in sight.

Heidi Klum should have known better. The dress is wrong, the hair is too. Project Runway needs to do an episode on making an Emmy Red Carpet dress for Heidi.

Yikes. This is like a black birthday cake.

Rose Byrne, what in God's name is that bride of Frankenstein homage.

Emily Blunt's 30's bob needed volume.

Conan O'Brien had an up-do with sad eyes.

Follow I MEAN…WHAT?!? on Twitter.

Social Media jobs are available at I MEAN...WHAT?!?

Just putting it out there that I MEAN…WHAT?!? is looking for an able bodied human that is prolific on social media activations for a series of projects beginning now. Not only would the candidate be included in all things I MEAN…WHAT?!?, but they will also interact with the fashion clients being represented by the New York City based parent company ABE NYC, INC. The position will start out as part-time but will surely swing into a full-time situation given the candidate’s effectiveness during the critical New York Fashion Week trial period. See below requirements and if you fit the bill, click here and send in your resume.

• Research, strategize, and contribute to the development of social media strategies designed for maximum coverage
• Measure, monitor, and report results on an ongoing basis
• Proven ability to establish relationships with online and digital media outlets and influencers
• Extensive knowledge on social media platforms including Twitter and Facebook
• Experience with social media tracking and analytics tools
• Strong organizational skills
• Creativity, strategic thinking, attention to detail, and ability to multi-task are a must

If you know someone looking for a job, please forward this link to them. http://bit.ly/cpueOZ

Reincarnation: Timing is everything.

There is a fascinating article in today’s The New York Times Style about reincarnation. I guess reincarnation is a style issue. Questions raised are: What to wear in your next life? Or better yet, What did I wear in my last life that I can correct in this one? The article begins with a psychiatrist, Dr. Paul DeBell who believes he was a caveman, and that, “I was going along, going along, going along, and I got eaten”. Oy. Now if that were me, for the sake of this Style piece, I would have said, “I was going along, going along, going along in this sumptuous boar-skin, one shoulder mini-dress.” He also believes he that he was a conscientious German who refused to betray his Jewish neighbors in the Holocaust. Beyond admirable, no doubt. But I would have said, “I was a Sally Bowles look-alike, with green nails, black lingerie slip dresses and furs, who fell madly in love with the Jewish bandleader of the Cabaret (old chum) and valiantly ran off with him to live in the woods”.

A Sailor Jerry to the naked eye...but in fact, it is an emblazoned foreshadow of my next life.

All kidding aside, I have been a firm believer in reincarnation for the simple fact that there is no way that this is it. This incarnation…my life…fun and all…coupled with years of insecurities and poverty…could not be what God had in mind as an overall experience for my core being. I have followed my spirit for many, many years and know that it moves me through processes, journeys, and is my ultimate decision maker. It is stronger than my mind and body and will surely live beyond I Mean…What?!? Notice that picture above? Emblazoned on my left forearm is a picture of a bosomy blond, a Holly Madison or Pam Anderson look-a-like. This is who I will be reincarnated as in my next life. Are you kidding? Those looks and my mind? What a dynamic combination. The world will be at my fingertips. The real question is…if you knew that your next life will be amazing…does one off oneself from their current one?

Here's what Bristol Palin will look like on Dancing With The Stars.

Now that’s a coupling made in heaven. One desperate, unwed, teen mother, Bristol Palin, who uses the media to compete with her skanky ex-baby daddy, Levi Johnston, coupled with The Situation, a Staten Island goombah who is the most talked about character second to Snooki from MTV’s Jersey Shore. Coupling? Yes…because they will both be on Dancing With The Stars. Well, they won’t be dancing with each other…but trust me…we will see plenty of paparazzi shots of those two leaving the DWTS studio.

So, what ever happened to Bristol Palin’s public relations business? Guess she decided to become her own best client rather than providing that service for others. Let’s face it, I was right when I wrote in I Mean…What?!? on January 6 that Sarah Palin’s announcement of her daughter’s public relations firm was a mere ploy to make the family look less Beverly Hillbillies meets Anchorage. Anyway, here is how the conversation went at the Palin compound when Bristol announced that she was cast on Dancing With The Stars.

INT. PALIN KITCHEN – AFTER DINNER

BRISTOL: (Entering the room) You should see how cute Tripp and Trig look sleeping next to each other.
SARAH: Yeah, it’s a real nativity scene.
TODD: Oh, Sarah. We have to be grateful for every day.
SARAH: Oy, and I have some land left in the Poconos that I can sell you, real cheap.
BRISTOL: Speaking of which…
SARAH: What did Levi Johnston do now?
TODD: Why do you always assume the worst?
SARAH: (Rolling her eyes) Exactly where have you been for the past two years?
BRISTOL: I took a job.
SARAH: Again? What happened to that lovely PR firm we set up for you in the hopes of you regaining some dignity?
BRISTOL: Oh, mother, PR and dignity hardly can be put in the same sentence.
TODD: Well, it sure was a step up from where you were darlin’. Unwed teen mother with a Playgirl centerfold baby daddy…come on. Your mother only wanted what was best.
SARAH: Oh Todd, don’t stick up for me. She’s going to do whatever she wants to do. So, let’s hear it. What is it this time? Spokesperson for Massengil?
BRISTOL: I am going to be on Dancing With The Stars.
SARAH: Are you kidding me? How on Earth am I going to run for President with you waltzing around in sequins showing all of America your pootch.
TODD: All Americas thinks about is Bristol’s pootch.
SARAH: (Rolling her eyes) Thank you Mr. Peanut Gallery. Don’t you have an oil leak to fix?
BRISTOL: Look Ma. It’s paying me a ton of money and I cannot spend my life wondering what can I do to help you run for an ill-fated presidential run.
SARAH: Look here Missy, I have had just about enough of you. Do you realize how many friggen Tweets and Facebook entries I have had to do to come out from under Old Man McCain’s shadow? The last thing I need is my own daughter undermining my hard work. Now tell them you are quitting.
BRISTOL: There is no way on Earth that I am doing that. And frankly, you should consider coming on the show, too. Do you realize how much money they would pay you? What do you care about government spending and health care when you can be twiddling your thumbs on the Riviera?
SARAH: Look, smarty pants. You may have a great point there…but the Tea Baggers are counting on me.
BRISTOL: Those poor slobs? Is that what you want to be known for…being the poster child for a bunch of losers? Mother…this is our time. We have to grab the brass ring whenever we can. Do you know how this will help you promote all you other projects? Those Tea Baggers are using you. I say screw ‘em.
SARAH: Oh sweetie, you would have been such a great publicist.

Where are you wearing this get up to? Nowhere fast perhaps?

This is like Holly Golightly...the down market version.

Knock out??? NOT!

This is all sorts of hideous.

Nice combination...I Mean...

Vegas showgirl meets muted nonsense with boots? Help.

Even Sass and Bide can make a misstep as shown here. The styling sucks.

This is beyond ridic. It's like Putamayo for pregnant, blind people.

This is one wrinkled schmatta that no one needs, except maybe Vampira...plus a steamer. And the hair...oy.

Rue-la-la the day that anyone wants this unflattering...thing.

Click her to follow I Mean…What?!? on Twitter.

We know...your body rocks...now can you put on a layer?

The papers are trashing Jennifer Aniston for her newest bomb The Switch, which you could have seen coming a mile away by the premise alone. Who walks around with the sperm intended for the hoo-ha. Your biological time clock is ticking…what’s with the celebration before the fact? Hurry up girl…shove it in. Here’s how the casting of this role went down.

INT. CAA OFFICES – DAY

CAA AGENT: Here, Jen, do this movie, it’s called The Switch.
JENNIFER: Who is the director?
CAA AGENT: (Thinking to himself) Who does she think she is…Bette Davis?
JENNIFER: Is it yet another comedy?
CAA AGENT: It’s the two guys Josh Gordon and Will Speck. They’re hilarious.
JENNIFER: But a comedy? I didn’t hear so much as one chuckle when I sat in the back of a theater for The Bounty Hunter.
CAA AGENT: Well… (Beat) Don’t you want to make ten million dollars?
JENNIFER: Of course I want ten million dollars, but can’t we find a better way? Can’t I play a hooker with a heart of gold who gets beaten and saves children in Darfur? I want to know what it is like to have the word Oscar remotely near my name.
CAA AGENT: (Thinking to himself) Angelina get all those roles, girl.

And on another note: might I suggest that Jen put on some clothes, too. Yes, your body rocks. We know, we know. There isn’t a bus shelter in New York City that doesn’t have the Smart Water ads plastered on them showing your cooch. And there isn’t a red carpet event when her entire leg and everything above the nipple is exposed. Might I introduce you to the concept of over exposure…which includes images from campaigns as well as your lovely sun-kissed, toned shoulders. Jennifer is gunning for the title of “the new Goldie Hawn” who, too, has never so much has seen a shrug.

Good thing Jennifer is launching her new fragrance, LOLAVIE, which she describes as “a non-perfume perfume.” Exactly what is a non-perfume perfume? Air? Water? A waste of space? Nonsense? I vote for the two latter descriptions. Let’s start with the name…LOLAVIE. Ms. Aniston refused to say what it means besides, “It’s a long story and honestly it’s too personal to tell”, then added, “But it has special significance.” Us Weekly suggested Lolavie means “laughing at life”, which can also be interpreted as “laughing all the way to the bank”. Since Jennifer is a comedian, maybe it’s an inside joke. But the joke is on whoever buys into this campaign, or any other celebrity fragrance for that matter. I get wanting to look like your favorite star, but the whole smell like thing is just odd.

This is so friggen cool. Click on the image to read the piece.

It is not often that I toot my own horn about the work work that I do for ABE NYC, INC. But every so often, there comes a serendipitous moment where the stars align and the pieces of the fashion puzzle come together in perfect harmony. And speaking of harmony, please click on the image and read the piece in today’s Time.com about my current project with Dan Black and Paul La Fontaine. Will be finishing the edit and posting the video this week. Please stay tuned.