Every so often a sweet, little movie comes along and warms the cockles of your heart. It makes you laugh, makes you cry and makes you appreciate whatever hand life has dealt you. The Intouchables is that kind of film. Based on a true story of friendship between a handicap millionaire (Francois Cluzet) and his street smart ex-con caretaker (Omar Sy), The Intouchables depicts an unlikely camaraderie rooted in honesty and humor between two individuals who, on the surface, would seem to have nothing in common.

Don’t you hate when people talk up a movie and say how great it was and then with that level of expectation, it dampens your experience when you go see the film? At the risk of doing just that, I want to say that this movie should be seen… period. I am not going to tell you how tender and immaculate the performances are, especially by Mr. Sy, playing a Bengali adoptee that finds himself in the employ of this lovely gentlemen, suffering the worse fate, becoming quadriplegic from a hang gliding accident. Nor will I expound on how the simplicity of the script makes it so easy to fall in love with these two characters in a buddy film to end all buddy films. Charming, delightful, spirited, heartwarming, delicious, these adjectives apply to movies like The Artist and Slumdog Millionaire. However, if you ask me, which you are not, those films barely hold a candle to The Intouchables. There, I hope I haven’t ruined it for you. Just go see it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34WIbmXkewU

The two faces of Bristol Palin.

Dear Bristol,

Surely death threats are not an effective means to change minds. I am sorry for those people who recently resorted to using those tactics based on your desperate need to be in the media. Had you not blabbered on about Barack Obama’s position of gay marriage, perhaps you would not be in this situation. Naturally, when you say, “hate doesn’t win any arguments” that is true. But the fact that you were compelled to stick your neck out and make a point on such a hot button issue, then you must accept your responsibility in this situation. You more than most should know the ire of strangers who disagree with you. Considering you are the by-product of Sarah Palin.

For someone who had a child out of wedlock, that puts you on the short list of THE most hypocritical people. Proof that you are jonesing to be in the spotlight was when you booked Dancing With the Stars. By the way, what ever happened to your PR firm that you started called BPMP LLC? Are you your only client? One could say you inherited your mother’s desperate need to be in the limelight and for that, you put yourself in the crosshair (you know what that is) of all the nuts who threaten others. Although YOU might consider yourself to be a quotable member of the media elite, in reality, you are a garden variety reality star who cannot fully accept being out of the limelight. Hence, you stick your puss into any camera that will have you. Want to avoid death threats? Consider obscurity.

Love,

ABE

Jane Svoboda is the craziest bitch on Earth... including Sarah and Brsitol Palin.

This crazy bitch, Jane Svoboda, a known schizophrenic went on an anti-gay rant in Lincoln, Nebraska at a non-discrimination ordinance proposal hearing. It is very simple, watch this video and somebody put her out of her misery. And when I say put her out of her misery, I mean lock her up in an inane asylum and throw away the key. She does not even deserve to be honired with the Gross baboon Of the Year nomination because as per reports, she really is crazy. So why is she allowed to roam the streets freely?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMANMIe0ZZI

If given the choice, the Liberty students would probably prefer death...to gays.

Mitt “The Bully” Romney gave the commencement speech at Liberty University, a conservative, southern Christian temple of learning and pontificated this nonsense: “The American culture promotes personal responsibility, the dignity of work, the value of education, the merit of service, devotion to a purpose greater than self, and, at the foundation, the pre-eminence of the family,” Romney said. “As fundamental as these principles are, they may become topics of democratic debate. So it is today with the enduring institution of marriage. Marriage is a relationship between one man and one woman.”

So, what does that mean Mitty, who has polygamists closely related to him. If two people from the same sex were to get married, that you do not consider them a product of the American culture? They won’t have the dignity of work? The merit of service and all the other crap you spew? For someone who lives in a glass houses, don’t throw stones. Mitt Romney continues to lie on the campaign trail and and forever changes his positions. You’d think he would tread lightly on such a hot button issue, epecially while it is so fresh on the lips of every media outlet. Romney was in the right place though to vomit his blather. Liberty U. is in Lynchburg, Virginia, where the graduating class would surely enjoy a good lynching of gays given the chance. Give me liberty or give me death? I think the Liberties would prefer to see the death…of gays.

My mom, photographed by Bruno of Hollywood.

I woke up thinking about my mother today, not only because it is Mother’s Day. I think of her often because she was so amazing. She had a wicked sense of humor that inspired my edge. Her downside was stuffing us with food, rendering me rotund as a child. Thank goodness for the drug filled ’70′s that helped me get my body in check. So many people I know have unresolved issues with their parents: guilt, anger, resentment. Yes, parents can be annoying, but so can their children. So it is a wash.

My mom was a concentration camp survivor. The fact that she maintained a sense of humor through that nightmare is a testament to the resilience of her spirit. Maybe it was her sense of humor that saved her. They say, “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Then does that which makes you stronger, also makes you funny, too? My father was no slouch either. He escaped the labor camps in Siberia to join the underground smuggling women and children into Switzerland. I cannot fathom what they went through for so many years but I am honored to have their genes. I feel sorry for no one when hearing people moaning on and on about their daily struggles. I have little tolerance and/or no patience for people who have the power to make difference choices but don’t and complain about their circumstances.

And Kim Kardashian's pregnant bagel.

Oooh, Lordie be. The gossip mill is saying that Anna Wintour has banned Kim Kardashian from the Costume Institute Gala. Snap and snap again makes two snaps up. Naturally, we must immediately turn this moment into The Days of Kim’s Lives…All Nine of Them. The Gala Snub Episode.

INT. KARDASHIAN KOMPOUND – NYC – SUNDAY NIGHT (EVE OF GALA)

Kim Kardashian is desperately trying to squeeze into a gold Herve Leger by Max Azria bandage gown, which gets stuck at her rump.

KIM: Mother.
KRIS: What are you doing?
KIM: (Grunting) Help me tug this mummy shit up over my ass.
KRIS: Maybe you should not wear this and let’s see that lovely Marchesa confection that Georgina sent me, I mean you.
KIM: Until Harvey Weinstein puts me in a movie, I am not wearing Marchesa. (Grunt)
KRIS: And where do you think you are wearing this rag to anyway. I have nothing lined up for you tonight.
KIM: It’s what I want to wear tomorrow to the Costume Institute Gala.
KRIS: Oy.
KIM: What, oy? (They stop trying to get the dress up.)
KRIS: You are not on the list for that event, dear.
KIM: What are you talking about. I am going to that Gala, period.
KRIS: But…
KIM: But, nothing. And speaking of butt, let’s try one more time.

They resume squeezing Kim’s ass into the dress and finally succeed.

KIM: There, wait till Anna gets a load of this Oscar worthy look.
KRIS: Darling, you know I deprive you of nothing but there is no turning back time.
KIM: Thanks, Cher. But I will just call Kanye. (Picks up bedazzled Blackberry.)
KRIS: Kanye has no power over Anna, dear. Trust me, this is a no go.
KIM: We’ll just see. Kanye, baby, its Ki Ki. Call me. Need to whisper sweet nothings in your… well… you know.
KRIS: How can you even breathe in that thing.
KIM: Help me out of this.
KRIS: Look, who cares about Anna Wintour anyway. She doesn’t appreciate your voluptuousness.
KIM: Yes she does, her daughter Bee kinda looks like me. Maybe Anna is just jealous of my fame.
KRIS: You have a point.
KIM: Now why isn’t Kanye getting back to me? If he is avoiding me…
KRIS: Sweetheart, let’s just get you our of this town and back to Kalabasas for a few days. Who cares about Anna, Costumes, or Kanye anyway.
KIM: Um, last I checked, ME! How dare that thug avoid me. He’s a cheap excuse for Jay Z anyway. You know, I think that is why Beyonce is avoiding me and all my calls. She probably thinks Kanye is not as good as her man. Well,  I’ll show her, him, them, Anna, everyone, (Break down into hysterical tears.)
KRIS: (Picks up leopard print iPhone) Kanye, this is Kris Jenner. It’s bad. And I have to get her out of New York City tonight. Now get your over exposed ass over here and help me with this. We had a deal. And you better help out or I will tell the press everything.

A SHORT TIME LATER

KANYE: Kris, I got here as soon as I heard. But what can I do?
KRIS: I don’t know, but something. She is in her room sedated.
KANYE: On what?
KRIS: A special blend I created over the years for when the girls get too hysterical or demanding.
KANYE: Inject?
KRIS: In the ass, they don’t feel it.
KANYE: Well, I called Anna again and she said no way, no how.
KRIS: Well, then you can’t go.
KANYE: Are you high, woman? Don’t forget who you are talking to.
KRIS: And vice versa.
KANYE: We need to get you and your baby girl out of town by sundown brown.
KRIS: Suggetions?
KANYE: Get another dose of that crap ready. I am calling Jazy Z to use his plane and you guys will wake up in sunny California.
KRIS: Us guys? What about you?
KANYE: Look, lady, if you think I am missing the biggest night in fashion for the sake of our cockadoodle romance, well think again. We made a deal to help you get Kim’s ass back in good graces. And I did my part. Now go get that needle, bitch. (Starts texting)

KIM ENTERS.

KIM: (Groggy) What’s everyone yelling about?
KRIS: We weren’t yelling dear. Look Kanye is here to see you.
KIM: Kanye, baby. I want to wear a gold lame dress tomorrow. What are you wearing? Maybe you should wear a gold tuxedo so we can wow the press. And show Anna that we are the Oscars of her silly little party.
KRIS: (Sotto) She’s three sheets to the wind. Just say anything. It’s like she is sleep walking.
KANYE: Great idea. I happen to have a gold tuxedo and we will look like a million dollars.

KRIS gets another syringe ready.

KIM: Oh Kanye, pretend dating you is so much fun. (Hugs him as Kris injects her butt.)
KRIS: That ought to do it.
KIM: Kanye, your tickling me.

KIM PASSES OUT COLD.

KANYE: Let’s get her on the couch. They’ll be here any minute to take you guys to Teterboro Airport.

FADE TO BLACK

The world according to Kanye.

A fashion faux pas happens every 1.5 seconds in New York City. Leave it up to the uber-fashion victim himself, Kanye “Me Loves Me A Hootchie Mama” West to calls ‘em as he sees ‘em via Twitter. Seems like Anna West went on a rant about how horeene people dress the other day, and though I may agree with him on some things, one would imagine that he who lives in a glass house might not want to throw stones. More people than not might think that wearing Kim Kardashian as a fashion accessory is questionable… at best. Others would have even worse things to say about that particular fashion choice. But, let’s all agree to agree with Kanye when we say cargo shorts must be erased from the Earth. Then again, I said that eons ago in an entry called The Short Answer On Shorts. Where’s Kanye been?