Not flattering.

Too many flaps. Not feeling the cocoon sleeves either.

Not flattering...again. And not feeling every dress with boots either.

A little to pineaplle-y for me. Also, not with boots.

I would Edward Scissorhand the hip apppliques.

Not a fan of the entire Givenchy collection, but this outfit was especially ridiculous. What's with the camel toe? Even Cher would never have worn this in the good ol' days.

Here's another collection that we can all live happily ever after without, Gustavo Lins. Petite mains? My eye. Looks more like the work of Edward Scissorhands, if you ask me.

Really? Couture? Have I got a bridge to sell you.

And who is this...Chewbacca's girlfriend? When Woobies with a string become fashion...correction...couture, no less, well...I say fotz.

I could have lived without a few of Giorgio Armani Prive day looks, quite honestly. It's really about the gowns anyway.

Eh. Whatever.

This is like Emporio Armani. And if that is the plan, to subtly promote that label...well...two snaps up girl.

Alexandre Vauthier clearly wanted to redesign Wonder Woman.

This is "like" so Viktor & Rolf two years ago...and that didn't work either.

Here, Vauthier takes a page out of the JWoww fashion handbook.

See what I mean?

Ans this Vegas number is like an updated Debbie Reynolds.

See what I mean?

Click here to follow me on Twitter…I’ll be your best freind.

Bruce Willis: For the man who has everything...except maybe a clue.

Here we go again….yet, another celebrity-turned-stink. This time, Bruce Willis is the man of the hour. Yup, because I know how much you have wanted to smell like Bruce Willis since his Moonlighting days. I personally wanted to smell like him when he was in Death Becomes Her, with Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn. Speaking of which, these gals would NEVER sign on to become a fragrance. Back to Bruce. The Bruce Willis Collection includes an eau de parfum, hair and body wash, deodorant spray and after shave balm. HAIR?!? Have they seen him in the past 20 years?

Now here's a guy whose namesake hair wash makes alot of sense. Fotz.

This guy needs to have a hair wash named after him like I am going to the moon. What’s in it? Nair? All this to say, more power to anyone who brands their ass…Lord knows, I would love to have a line of something, NOT schmattas, the playing field is too crowded. Who knows, if this I Mean…What?!? thing goes over, you could be driving in an IMW…but I digress. To refresh your memory, this season Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston and Anonio Banderas have launched a signature schtoonk. That is on the heels of 50 Cent, Rihanna, Mariah’s 3rd, Paris Hilton’s 6th, Britney’s 4th. Frankly, I would love to know how they are selling. We see the launch, the hype, the ads, the red carpet photos and then nothing. I wish Women’s Wear Daily would do their due diligence and update us will sales reports. Chop-chop.

Be sure to read Smell Like a Movie Star…Stink Like a Bee or The Sweet Smell of Celebrity or Beyonce Wears JWoww For Heat.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pgZXnRAUEE

Produced by Image Loading for IMW-TV

Are these two the new hot item? A very hot combo indeed. What will Sam Ronson say?

I MEAN…WHAT?!? was on set at the recent photo shoot with Lindsay Lohan shot by Markus Klinko & Indrani, styled by GK Reid, produced by Jorge Perez. They are all part of the new Bravo-TV show, Double Exposure, that is set to finally air on June 15. Should be a hoot as each episode is a different celebrity photo shoot and all the Bravo-type drama that ensues. Lindsay was the consummate professional on this set and gave it her all.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pgZXnRAUEE

Lindsay as Super Hero.

Vanity Fair loves beefcake and hookers.

What is the deal with Vanity Fair’s obsession with Tiger Woods and his merry band of hookers? The new issue, on stands today, continues its coverage of the Gross Baboons that brought down America’s most boring sports superstar. The Temptation of Tiger Woods, Part Two digs deeper into this less-than-riveting story, which is sooo yesterday’s breakfast. Surely I am not alone when scratching my head wondering why Vanity Fair, my favorite (or used to be favorite) magazine would spend their resources and time on something that could have lived on thier blog and save the printed pages for more compelling worldly people. The new cover is a beefcake shot of the top soccer players in the world. Now, David Beckham is one thing, and yes, these guys are hotter than hot. But this is friggen Vanity Fair. Since when does golf and soccer make for interesting reading? I give up. Maybe, I know nothing and should sit back and watch the world go koo koo for cocoa puffs, waxing poetic on things that could not be more fotz-inating. Look at these photos and tell me, would you attribute this pictorial to the likes of Vanity Fair or…rather…Maxim?

Veronica Siwik-Daniels is so accomplished, that she made it to the pages of Vanity Fair.

The perception of those who used to make it into the pages of Vanity Fair were people who were amazingly accomplished, people who lived lives you only dreamed about. It was beyond aspirational. Now with the bar set so low, it is as though you read up on who you never want to be like, or perhaps feel sorry for. Though I have no pity for the likes of Veronica Siwik-Daniels, Cori Rist or Jamiee Grubbs (as in get your grubbies out of my pages of VF). Well, the upside of this is that I MEAN…WHAT?!? gets a few new nominees for Gross Baboon of the Year. Loredana Jolie…the competition is getting fierce.

Click here to follow I MEAN…WHAT?!? on Twitter.

Selma BLair is adorable, but whatever queen convinced her to put in hot rollers, was out of his mind. Or was she? I saw her at the bar at the Smythe Hotel looking relaxed and adorable.

See what I mean, Selma? No more curlers. That look needs length, period.

Oy, Joan Rivers, you have got to control the lighting. Hasn't Barbra Streisand taught you anything

We all know that Amanda Peet just had a baby like minutes ago, but did she have to come out to make an appearance in her night gown?

Yes, I know lingerie is the new outerwear...but really? This silk potato sack is gross and unflattering. And if you tell me it looks better in person...then...whatever. Don't get on a red capret if that is the case.

You all know my feeling on the Quirky Man-Hat. I get that Zachary Quinto is trying to do anythinig NOT to look like Spock, but a quirky man-hat is not the way to go.

Click here for original quirky man hat no-nos.

Look, I wear glasses too, but of all the glasses in the world, this is the pair Beth Ostrosky went with? It looks like Lens Crafters plenty.

In what almost was the perfect storm, not one Real Housewife from anywhere was spotted on one single red carpet premiere so far during the Tribeca Film Festival. I can just hear DeNiro now, "Under no circumstance does a fuckin' Real Housewife get an invitation to my festival. You hear me?" Whitney Port was one of the few reality "stars" seen on the red carpet.

This is pure genius.

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The View girls rule. And the lame attempt by CBS has sad written all over it.

Page Six reports about the proposed competition for The View from CBS-TV, you know, that network for old people, starring the lamest choices this side of the falling ashes of Iceland. Get this:

Lisa Rinna – She can always lead the plastic surgery topics.
Julie Chen – Nepotism…much?
Bethenny Frankel – Yikes…like we need to see her on yet another network?
Sara Gilbert – Yes, she was dry and funny on Roseanne, but that was 2,000 years ago.

Where do I begin? First of all, all four of those don’t add up to one of Joy Behar’s shoes. And while I am at it, where is their token black person? Who can hold a candle to Whoopi Goldberg. Who else has that gravitas? Niecy Nash? Fotz? Alfre Woodward, maybe. But she would never sit amongst that crowd, so forget her. Loretta Divine? Eh, OK, but she ain’t no Whoopi. Seems like they couldn’t find a viable black woman, so, let’s just stick to the quasi interesting choices already in place. My point here is why not just come up with a new show that does not resemble The View. What made The View groundbreaking was the new format. Is CBS that devoid of an original thought? Clearly or else they wouldn’t have Accidentally On Purpose or Gary Unmarried on the air. Why not just come up with a fresh, new approach to the talk format? Like 2 men and 2 women (not to be confused with Two and a Half Men). And might I suggest not casting 2 women and their 2 gay best friends, because there is nothing more horrendous than making gay men the thing that is supposed to bring on the comic relief. Truly, there is nothing un-funnier than a silly queen.

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The good old days.

Does this hairdo remind you of someone?

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Peter Barton was a big deal once too.

Where are they now?

Would he date a fan? No, he is busy hitting up on Kim Kardashian. Like he would know what to do to please her, too. Fotz.

Are you on Twitter? Click here to follow I Mean..What?!?

Here is a picture of Madonna kvelling (beaming with pride in Yiddish) for Lourdes. So cute but...

Oh Madonna, Madonna, Madonna. Madge, Madge, Madge. You are making me all fatootzed (confused in Yiddish). I am soooo not feeling the Material Girl–brought to you by Macy’s–thing at all. I know, through Kabbalah, you are like officially Jewish now. But that does not mean you have to automatically go into the schmatta business. And does Lourdes need to have a career at thirteen years of age? What’s wrong with a Bat-Mitzvah at Leonard’s of Great Neck and some dance classes? I know, you are a great mother. But I am not so sure that you are a real Jewish mother? A good Jewish mother raises their daughter to be a princess and expect everyone to do everything for them. Work…is a four letter word to that crowd. What you might do is explain to Lola that her obsessive phone calling will be put to good use when she becomes a publicist…like a good Jewish girl. Anyway, one thing is to instill a sense of responsibility to your child, but it seems like Lourdes is suddenly multi-tasking between polishing up on Conversational French, her acting debut in your film about King Edward VIII, and her new fashion stint with you at Macy’s. Frankly, I am exhausted just thinking about it. Is this your way of rolling-out the Lola brand? Fotz.

Like mother, like daughter, like daughter, like mother. Two peas in a pod.