Maybe Bristol and Levi can get John McCain to officiate their marriage ceremony in a vain attempt to get votes in the November election.

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category, A Couple of Gross Baboons. The awards show is gearing up to be quite a fete…even if it is in my own mind.

Now this is the episode I want to watch.

Word is that the soon-to-be newlyweds…though I would imagine that ceremony will only happen if they get a reality show…are demanding a full season from networks for their wanna-be television show. These kids, annoying as they are, seem to be better negotiators than friggen Lisa Kudrow, who couldn’t get a fair shake from HBO on her terrific show, The Comeback. Can you imagine a series based on two teenage delinquents whose mother’s are feuding, one of which is trying desperately to run for President of the United States while the other one is cooking up crystal-meth in her trailer? First of all, where do these kids live right now? Together? Separately? And who is with Tripp while Bristol is being the neglectful mother, off negotiating in Hollywood with cable networks and / or partying at 1 OAK in New York City? Now, if we can get an all-access pass to the aforementioned activities, then by all means, I would even produce this crap for IMW-TV. But if they think that we want to watch those two idiots act like phony, happy newlyweds, legitimizing their baby’s existence…well…think again. TLC…listen up.

Kathy Griffin is sure to turn up on an episode to co-promote My Life On The D List.

Nominee, Gross Baboon of the Year Award

Hi there. Big holiday weekend. Am already away and wondered what to write about today, sitting idly by a pool. There’s not that much happening in the news, beyond the controversy between Mel Gibson and his Russian gold digger, Oksana Grigieva. Who knows, maybe she is a Russian spy, too. We all know what a sick f#&k Mel is, now we can officially add him to the list of nominees for Gross Baboon of the Year Award. This is shaping up to be quite a year. The first annual awards presentation with be held at the end of the year. There, a bit of news. Have a great holiday.

Lisa Marie wants you to send sunflowers to Michael Jackons’s grave. Um…can you just arrange for a delivery every week and charge it to Graceland. - D LISTED

Matt Lauer is a horn dog and must attend Horndogs Anonymous meetings. Stat. Sounds like he did it with the Double-mint Twins. - RADAR

I love Cate Blanchett and so proud of her for wearing Alexander McQueen’s dress..that he had selected for her from beyond. – NY MAGAZINE

Known Gross Baboon, Rachel Uchitel is up to her usual tricks..being a trick to a married man. - POP EATER

What is the difference between Miss North Dakota and Rielle Hunter (see below).

Look, I am by no means a prude, but have you seen the new campaign to promote the Miss USA pageant? Donlad Trump’s properties have just had a major Victoria’s Secret overhaul. The marketing campaign just launched and all 51 contestants have traded in their pageant hair and cornball, prom gowns for that skanky, Gross Baboon of the Year look that all of Tiger Woods‘ skanks share. Now, I am all for racy, but didn’t Carrie Prejean…nutbag hypocrite extraordinaire…get chastised for being a skank? Will this new pageant action shift the talent portion of the evening? Will we see Fellatio? Speed Massage with Release? Will the judges sit on stage and get lap dances? And what of the swimsuit competition? Will it become a thong-bearing walk off? If the answer is yes…great. If the answer is no, then why skank up these beauty queens, who’s parents must be breching (vomit in Yiddish). And will the final spontaneous questions be a bit more salacious? Perhaps something along these lines:

1. If you were approached by Tiger Woods at a nightclub now, what would you say to him?
2. If a married politician, not unlike John Edwards, approached you at a fundraiser for the said politician, what would you say to him?
3. If Ashley Durpe wanted to interview you for her ASK ASHLEY column in the New York Post, would you grant the interview, and why?
4. Do you think Gloria Allred really cares about women’s issues or is she just a good old fashioned publicity hound? Would you ever seek her council?

When asked by The Insider, The Donald said, “We are in a different age. They are a little bit sexy but I’ll tell you what – everybody’s watching, so I have no problems with it”. Imagine the endless meetings to discuss how to turn up the heat on that otherwise boring pageant show. Boy have they come up with a formula that will do just that. The old sex sells method. If it works, no doubt, Vanity Fair magazine will feature the newly crowned Miss USA in yet another racy photo spread, just like the one featuring Joselyn James and Loredana Jolie, winners of The I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award.

The answer is nothing. And what is the difference between the Vanity Fair-like skanky photo spread and Miss USA...see below.

Miss Pennsylvania here is not that different from Joselyn James...right?

IT is all the same thing...skanks of America unite!

Click here

Underage Bristol Palin out at 1 OAK, a nightclub for virgins. - NY DAILY NEWS

Chaz Bono is officially a boy. – TMZ

Justin Bieber has lesbian hair. Check out this site: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber.

Rachel Uchitel, Gross Baboon nominee, is still in the press for reasons proving her gross babooniness. – D LISTED

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Joselyn James has now, officially, bounced Lordana Jolie out of the top spot for Gross Baboon of the Year.

Do you ever stop to wonder how on Earth all these tacky, low-rent people have managed to claw their way into the media and take up so much of our time these days? Look no further than your mirror. What you will see there is one of the reasons that Gross Baboons have even entered the zeitgeist. It is because of you and me (or is it I) that there is even a need for the Annual Gross Baboon of the Year Award (to be held during the next awards season). We have glorified the lowest common denominator of humans. We forever photograph them and give them high-profile jobs after they have destroyed an upstanding, albeit slime-bag, of a person, cases in point: Tiger Woods and Elliot Spitzer.

We are all guilty of contributing to the demise of our newly globalized society. We revel in the salacious gossip, we even pay good money to promote these Gross Baboons, cases in point: Levi Johnston and Jon Gosselin. I am dumb struck from the attention and publicity that we fawn all over the likes of hookers without a heart of gold, cases in point: Joslyn James and Ashley Dupre. Speaking of which, Miss James’ new film project, The Eleventh Hole, is sure to create a stir among the glitterati of skankiness, as it will reveal even more uninterested details of the trysts between James and Woods. Sure to be an awards season favorite, The Eleventh Hole will clearly be nominated as Best Film Featuring A Gross Baboon.

Click here to follow I MEAN…WHAT?!? on Twitter.

Vanity Fair loves beefcake and hookers.

What is the deal with Vanity Fair’s obsession with Tiger Woods and his merry band of hookers? The new issue, on stands today, continues its coverage of the Gross Baboons that brought down America’s most boring sports superstar. The Temptation of Tiger Woods, Part Two digs deeper into this less-than-riveting story, which is sooo yesterday’s breakfast. Surely I am not alone when scratching my head wondering why Vanity Fair, my favorite (or used to be favorite) magazine would spend their resources and time on something that could have lived on thier blog and save the printed pages for more compelling worldly people. The new cover is a beefcake shot of the top soccer players in the world. Now, David Beckham is one thing, and yes, these guys are hotter than hot. But this is friggen Vanity Fair. Since when does golf and soccer make for interesting reading? I give up. Maybe, I know nothing and should sit back and watch the world go koo koo for cocoa puffs, waxing poetic on things that could not be more fotz-inating. Look at these photos and tell me, would you attribute this pictorial to the likes of Vanity Fair or…rather…Maxim?

Veronica Siwik-Daniels is so accomplished, that she made it to the pages of Vanity Fair.

The perception of those who used to make it into the pages of Vanity Fair were people who were amazingly accomplished, people who lived lives you only dreamed about. It was beyond aspirational. Now with the bar set so low, it is as though you read up on who you never want to be like, or perhaps feel sorry for. Though I have no pity for the likes of Veronica Siwik-Daniels, Cori Rist or Jamiee Grubbs (as in get your grubbies out of my pages of VF). Well, the upside of this is that I MEAN…WHAT?!? gets a few new nominees for Gross Baboon of the Year. Loredana Jolie…the competition is getting fierce.

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Rest in peace Lynn Redgrave. You will always be my Georgy Girl. -D LISTED

Pearls of wisdom from Kelly Cutrone on what not to do. - NY MAGAZINE

Jessica Simpson = Michelle Obama?!? - PEOPLE

A new gross baboon. Larry King’s kids’ little league coach to pose for Playgirl. - GAWKER

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Harvey Fierstein on Grindr? Yet another reason to not sign up for these gay easy hook up things. - PEREZ HITLON

The Gross Baboons are getting a reality show. Michelle Bombshell McGee and Jamie Jungers are on tap to sleep their way to the middle. - TMZ

Here we have a case where Steven Seagal is a cross between Gross Baboon and a Horndogs Anonymous member. - E ONLINE

Could Jules Kirby be, yet, even, another Gross Baboon of the Year nominee?

Just when you thought that moronic blabbermouth and admitted ethnocentric egomaniac, Jules Kirby (The Kirb), could not come off more annoying than on the first episode of High Society…think again. Yep, that pretentious cow (or is it gross baboon) did her usual yattling off at the mouth, this time berating a sad, little hotel maid. Whenever she is on screen she makes such a bumbling idiot out of herself and proving her worth for a nomination as Gross Baboon of the Year. The Kirb is a different kind of gross baboon…more of a verbal skank than the other nominees…but we are an equal opportunity awards presentation. So, The Kirb makes the list. Razzie’s move over. Oh, and (B) that tragic queen Paul Johnson Calderon also maintained his vomitous spewing of ridiculousness on Episode 2 and though he really is a gross baboon, he won’t have a long enough shelf life to make the list.

The Kirb should curb her yattling, blubber-mouth.

END NOTE: Tinsley Mortimer should be ashamed of herself for putting up with that German uber-wanna be, anger-management-needing, doofus, Prince(SS) Casimir Wittgenstein-Sayn that she called her “boyfriend”. How desperate can you be to have someone like that be part of your “new” life? If that is what your new life is all about…then opt for none.

PrinceSS Casimir Wittgenstein-Sayn is not worthy of Tinsley. Caution: Wide Load...of crap.