I Mean.... What?!? » oy

Stupid Ads From Diesel

Abe Gurko — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 12:47:55 +0000

The new Diesel ad campaign, Be Stupid...is stupid...and worse...quirky.

No, I am not being mean about the new Diesel ad campaign. Their new campaign slogan is Be Stupid. How stupid is that?!? Growing up, I used to hate that word. It was one of those words that really cut through me…like fatso. I don’t know why it affected me so much…because one thing I am not, is stupid. But it just did. Seeing these ads made me think of how stupid the ad campaign is. Let’s look at the first image, where the Diesel jeans wearer is killed by an elephant. Gee, that’s aspirational. This guy is so stupid because he spent a couple hundred bucks on a new pair of Diesel jeans, only to cut his life short by sheer stupidity, making an ill-fated investment in a garment. Or is the message, “Buy Diesel, and make yet another stupid decision”. Any way you slice it…the mixed message is stupid. And the worst part of this campaign is that we can easily call it…get ready because I am going to use that tragic term that applies here…QUIRKY. Yes, you can easily say, “This ad is quirky”. Like that’s a good thing? Yikes. Click here to see the “quirky man hat” proving that quirky is what quirky was.

What are we saying here, these two queens are stupid? So, Be Stupid? Fotz.

Quirky Ad # 2 shows two queens riding a brick wall as though they are on a Vespa. My, isn’t that quirky? So, what is the message here? These gays are stupid, so buy Diesel jeans? Diesel used to do the greatest ads when David LaChapelle did those dynamic, fully staged, sexy ads. Chairman Renzo Rosso tapped a new “Artistic Director” Bruno Collin to oversee the creative. “We needed a big creative change,” said Rosso in Women’s Wear Daily. “Innovative brands should be managed like magazines, with a strong and unique identity. We have a Diesel lifestyle we want to project, and we need an artistic director, a more modern figure that will act as an orchestra director.” So let me get this straight, magazines, the dying industry, is the inspiration for this? Or, what, they will launch a social networking site where you sign up and share some of your other stupid moves? Oy. Might I suggest using the boys from Dumb and Dumber for the next ad in the campaign?

Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels would make great spokes-models.

Fresh Cheeks ‘R’ Us

Abe Gurko — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:01:22 +0000

Not too long ago I did a piece Fresh Cheeks on cheeks. No, not the cheeks on your butt, there’s always Levi Johnston’s spread in Playgirl for that. I’m much more obsessed with the ones on your face…especially after they have been enhanced. As Christmas is upon us, I wanted to see who’s been naughty or nice…well…who cares about that really, I wanted to see who’s been getting fresh cheeks.

First of all, this photoshopped image of Sarah Jessica Parker is way too odd for me. Cheeks is one thing, but this sandblasted festival is another.

Lis Rinna is my perennial favorite cheek, lip, forehead person.

Oy, Renee Zellwegger.

Bless Liza Minelli's multi-talented, iconic heart.

Yes, Jennifer Aniston looks great...thanks to the cheeks.

Oy vey, Mercedes Ruehl.

Awww, Poor Little Los Angeles Fashion Week

admin — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:16:30 +0000

It’s astonishing how unimportant Los Angeles Fashion Week is when you think about Hollywood once ruled, and how Adrian, Edith Head and Orry-Kelly and many others were major influences. Somehow, the Los Angeles fashion scene fell short and all the other major fashion cities excluding Madrid reference Old Hollywood all the time, as in the case of John Galliano’s amazing Spring 10 collection. By the time the last dress sashays down the runway in Paris, nobody wants to see another dress…like ever again…at least not until next season. But alas, there’s Los Angeles Fashion Week-let. And a sad little market that is. Women’s Wear Daily doesn’t give it that much play and style.com gives it none…hence…awww. Well, did you see any of the collections? Major fotz.

Here is Skingraft. And an appropriate name at that...as it hurts to look at this yaba daba doody. Duh...you think this head dress was inspired by the Gareth Pugh ridiculousness from Paris? Give me a break.

What's this? Pirates of Penzance meets Z-Cavaricci? Oy.

Yes, Pirates plenty. Ahoy Matey. Is that a parrot on your shoulder, or are you just happy to see me? Help.

Oh, and here we have some front row sitters at Skingraft. Look, he borrowed Fred Munster's shoes and was feeling all that...and a bag of chips. And what's on her head?

Look at the amazing workmanship of this Alakazia. Nice fit on the legging.

Ah, now I get it. Alakazia...alakazam. You are in a fashion show!

Alakazia makes quirky man hat and bike pants the must have pairing. And look, he's wearing boxers with that. This is the first man to need Underalls.

Alakazia, alakazam...you will have a flower growing out of your crotch. Bam. Nude Underalls needed here.

They're creepy and they're kooky...

Mysterious and spooky.

They're all together ooky.

The Martin MARTIN family.

I mean…what?!?

Michelle Obama Is Fierce…But…

Abe Gurko — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 12:04:35 +0000

Michelle Obama is fierce…but…not everything she wears works. Today’s New York Daily News did a pictorial on “Michelle’s Smashing Summer Style”. Now, I will be the first to say that Michelle is fierce…she has had quite a few sensational looks since entering the Vanity Fair International Best Dressed List. But like every other human, one can not be flawless 365 days out of the year. Unless you are Blaine Trump or Carolina Herrera. That said, since Michelle–prior to White House duties–was a working attorney mom, she definitely proved a great sense of style, considering lawyers are known for their fashion savvy. Either way, here some snap shots from the pictorial from Daily News (DN) of her smashing summer…which I know you will agree with me…are not even remotely smashing…rather…crashing and booming.

Here''s what I think: she should be able to wear an outfit as pedestrian as this while schlepping through Grand Canyon National Park.But the Daily News needs to edit the Smashing Summer nonsense to feature only her best looks...this not being one of them.

This schmateh looks like one of those Woolworth house coats from the 60's that my mother wore while cleaning the house...sans lei. And no, they are not coming back into style..belted or otherwise.

The Short Answer On Shorts

admin — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:39:54 +0000

Now that we are in the thick of shorts season, and the men’s trade shows in New York City are showing shorts for Spring ‘10, shorts are in the air. Yet, so many guys get the short end of the stick in terms of the correct length to wear. I MEAN…WHAT?!? received another Dear Abe-y. This one from Bruce regarding…what else…shorts.

Hey Abe,
About the Manzie thing…I was wearing a pair of shorts the other day and because I’m not tall a.k.a. short, they were a little long and I was worried that that were looking like men’s capris!! I may never be able to wear those shorts again!! What is the right length? Thanks…
Bruce

Hello Bruce,
This is a great question as I am no Jolly Green Giant myself and have to think three times before I walk out the door when wearing shorts. The thing about fashion is that it shouldn’t be too rigid. Surely, you might send me a jpg of you in these shorts to get the final answer, but in the event you have less time on your hands and going through that exercise might make you feel insane, then let me share with you a few images of do’s and don’ts as well as a rule or two. Let’s start with lengths that will never work…period. Then into what is acceptable and then end with the short shorts that should be outlawed. Hope this helps.
Abe

A gentle reminder that Old Manzie on a Train is not a good look and those shorts needed to be longer...if at all.

Short...tall...either way you slice it, this length is way wrong...as in too long. If you have chicken legs as shown here, then by no means should the shorts hang mid-calf showing what chicken legs you have. Calves are a big reason why shorts can go wrong in one fell swoop. To the knee or just below with this look. Snip, snip.

You see what I mean? This short, old Manzie, seems very sweet, but a short, old Manzie has to be careful with baggie shirts and shorts, which accentuate his skinny arms and legs. I don't know, I'd love to say "live and let live" here, but yikes.

Proof that two wrongs don't make a right. If Kevin Federline (left) is the length your shorts are...then grab a scissor now. On the other hand, Jamie Spears needs to pull the shorts down a bit because he has clearly shoved tons of shit in those side pockets, rendering the look unflattering.

This length is not bad...but that tucked in shirt on the high-waist shorts is all sorts of not fabulous. And I am sure he thought he looked fabulous. I think Mayor Bloomberg should implement the stylist at every corner law. That means with every policemen, there should be a stylist on call making corrections to every pedestrian. Just think how much safer it would be to walk the streets of NYC, not fearing my wrath.

This guy is cool. His body type works with this length, and the overall look really works well. Knowing your body type is critical to any ensemble.

I like this length for most people. Short, tall, dead.

Once again, tucking it is a challenge. And draw string is no exception, on the contrary.

Oy.

This works because this guys also knows his body type. The shorter length looks good on a tall, lean body. I know Bruce, I hate him too.

Though Chuck Bass is a total Manzie, he is all sorts of adorable and his style of dress is never offensive. Overbearing, yes, offensive, no.

Somehow this outfit doesn't work. The shorts are a bit short. Maybe it's the straight cut shirt that bugs me. It feels so matchy-matchy in a way. Am I just being a bitch?

This Prada-lina homage to Flashdance is not gonna happen. And it's in stores now.

And this Prada-lina micro-mini short is best worn under a pair of pants, or shorts for that matter.

Muccia darling, this is a mini-skirt...not even a skort. I mean...what?!?

Are you ready to brech? (Vomit in Yiddish)

This is just more than I can bear.