Maybe Bristol and Levi can get John McCain to officiate their marriage ceremony in a vain attempt to get votes in the November election.

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category, A Couple of Gross Baboons. The awards show is gearing up to be quite a fete…even if it is in my own mind.

Now this is the episode I want to watch.

Word is that the soon-to-be newlyweds…though I would imagine that ceremony will only happen if they get a reality show…are demanding a full season from networks for their wanna-be television show. These kids, annoying as they are, seem to be better negotiators than friggen Lisa Kudrow, who couldn’t get a fair shake from HBO on her terrific show, The Comeback. Can you imagine a series based on two teenage delinquents whose mother’s are feuding, one of which is trying desperately to run for President of the United States while the other one is cooking up crystal-meth in her trailer? First of all, where do these kids live right now? Together? Separately? And who is with Tripp while Bristol is being the neglectful mother, off negotiating in Hollywood with cable networks and / or partying at 1 OAK in New York City? Now, if we can get an all-access pass to the aforementioned activities, then by all means, I would even produce this crap for IMW-TV. But if they think that we want to watch those two idiots act like phony, happy newlyweds, legitimizing their baby’s existence…well…think again. TLC…listen up.

Kathy Griffin is sure to turn up on an episode to co-promote My Life On The D List.

I Mean…What?!?

Phew. Award season is over. Whether you are pleased with the results of the Oscar winners (I am), or the Oscar telecast (I’m not), or the Red Carpet gowns (I’m OK overall) or the constant coverage (I’m exhausted), you have to be somewhat relieved that the barrage of celebrity overload is over…for now. Look, I, too, love celebrity culture, but you have to admit, with the rise in urgency of every award show (including the Razzies), we are now chock-full of Gabourey Sidibe (someone tell her to stop screaming), Jason Reitman (your daddy directed Kindergarten Cop, stop thanking him) and (the non-feud between) Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron. (From the looks of the new Mrs. C., Kathryn got out in the nick of time, figure in tact.) We have not heard an update in the media from Haiti, outside of Sean Penn‘s valiant efforts and surly no one gives a hoot about Chile. “Yes, it has been unseasonably chilly in Los Angeles this award season.” Is probably what is on everyone’s lips.

Anyway, let me take you away, like a Calgon bath, to a place where people really don’t matter. Where Jennifer Lopez would sooner be caught dead, and ne’er a Marchesa dress is worn. That is the New York party scene. Flocks of wanna-bes and never wases fill the cavernous nightclubs and retail events in an effort to catch the thrill and feel like a celebrity(ish), albeit a really sad version. Limelight and celebrity are two different things, but, you gotta love people for their vain, little attempts at fabulosity. Herewith are some folks that will never go to the Vanity Fair after party and clearly not the Governor’s Ball…well, maybe to the Governor Patterson Sayonara Soiree.

This group reads like the Who's Who of Who Cares.

Hold onto your LV bags, Jules Kirby (left) stars in the premiere of High Society this Wednesday after America's Next Top Model.

Tinsley Mortimer stretches her New York-ness to Hollywood for the E! Oscar viewing party. Think she got a little too overdressed? Yikes.

There's a new It-ish Girl in town, Sally Shan...wanna-be extraordinaire.

Here's who makes it to Guest of a Guest.

Guest of a Hoochi Mamma.

I Mean…What?!?