“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

After what was surely the greatest media story on Earth, second to the death of Michael Jackson, The Tiger Woods Affair…rather….affairs, took an unexpected turn when Elin, the long suffering golf club aficionado, reunited with her overly poontanged husband, Tiger. In the midst of that media flurry, when the public was introduced to 13 of the skankiest bitches on the planet, Elin hired an attorney and the prospect of 350 million dollars was surly the best reason to leave her philandering, sex addict of a husband for Sweden’s lake shores. But, the holidays came and went and Elin must have… Read More »

Let it be said that I called the Sarah Palin getting a Fox News deal early this summer. I wrote: “You can ask my sister Vivian, as we were watching the freakishly neurotic and overly audible Sarah Palin resignation speech on CNN, though we were shocked that they broke away from the Michael Jackson Minutia Report, that I immediately turned to her and quoted Deep Throat and said, “Follow the money”. Sarah Palin, the smart but insane sexist windbag, will write her book, which will read like a diary from an eight grader, do a massive book tour throughout the… Read More »

Yesterday, I Mean…What?!? shared the cover art for the upcoming issue of MUSE, the Fashionart Magazine from Milan shot by Yu Tsai, featuring Lindsay Lohan. You’d think by the the comments all over the internet that we did something malicious. You know, like the Bitches of Eastwick coming out of the woodwork, claiming that we had sex with Tiger Woods, (I’m breching at the thought, but would happily take the million bucks). Or sneaking into the White House illegally like Michaele and Tareq Salahi the desperadoes du jour. Or perhaps like Courtney (more facial fillers now) Love, accusing Britney Spears‘… Read More »

Far be it from me to not appreciate a good marketing opportunity, but a blatantly gross one is surely worth mentioning, if not brech-ing from. Last night at the American Music Awards, a.k.a. the sell-out awards of the century, Coca-Cola hosted some kind of area that celebs went to in order for Coca-Cola to shnorr up a few photo ops. Naturally, since Pepsi has so effectively aligned themselves with the music industry over the past couple of decades (Michael Jackson, Britney, Mariah, etc.) Coke needed to think fast on garnering some of that limelight, without actually pushing what the music… Read More »

Man does not live by gossip alone. Well, that’s not true either. Sometimes there’s nothing like a good crumb of dish to get you through the day. There are so many levels of dish these days with the feeding frenzy of the internet that fuels innuendo, if not inciting outright lies. Who are we to believe? Who is THE go to source? Just Jared? Perez Hilton? People Magazine? TMZ?  Page Six? Gawker? All of the above? None of the above? As for I MEAN…WHAT?!?, what I do as purely a social commentary on all the madness rather than being a… Read More »

It never ceases to amaze me how some people walk around, be it at events, or otherwise, in get ups that are just shockingly wrong. Doesn’t Own A Mirror could become a weekly column, seeing what weird taste people have. The focus is on those folks that should know better…like people that the media follows, who simply must know a stylist or a gay, to help them navigate the horrors of looking like…well…this…… Read More »

Several weeks ago I did a piece called “Is Everybody High Line?” which talked about the much anticipated opening of the High Line, that lovely patch of park/stroll fest (whatever) that stretches from the Meatpacking District to the West Chelsea Gallery District. The sound alone sounds like the hippest channel on Earth. It surely is lovely, especially at night. But it’s much ado about little. Nothing has received more press than the High Line except maybe the passing of Michael Jackson. The pomp and circumstance around this clinking clanking clattering collection of collagenous junk was way over the top. It’s… Read More »

My usual routine is to brew a pot of coffee, read the headlines online and determine what’s my story of the day…then start writing. Somehow nothing struck my fancy. Sure, there is the health care issue (debacle) that is exploding in our faces. The fact that right wing fringe lunatics are leading the charge and changing the dynamic of getting universal health care is heartbreaking. But not shocking. And that Sarah Palin still gets this much airtime? Well, it’s all just wrong. In an effort to shake the Glenn Becks out of my head, I perused the gossip websites only… Read More »

Ahh, the head shot. That ticket in. The piece of critical collateral that determines whether you stand a chance to get through step one of “I wanna be famous!” We’ve all…well…many of us…have gone through the process. Really hopeful and exuberant. Filled with pride that our hidden talents shall soon be unleashed for the world to admire. Thanks to that glossy piece of paper, featuring you and all your features. If you have not gone through that sticky process, let me say that between the time you decide you want to get a head shot and having the actual stack… Read More »

Pack your bags kids. It is time to move off this continent and go to a place, any place in this world, where you will be safe from the prying, vomitous eyes of the media that gives us the endless stories about wanna-bes, never was-es, and nobodies galore. Today I have read a story that has made me so nauseous, that I am beside myself. Let me just list the cast of characters in this item and surely you will agree and run to start packing. Jon Gosselin, Michael Lohan, Jill Zarin. Should I stop now? And wait, this trifecta… Read More »