Miss J Alexander’s Clothes Call

Apr 30, 2010Fashion

Alexander Jenkins' Clothes Call.

Did you hear about the mid-air bomb scare this week? Guess who was on that plane? None of than Miss J Alexander, (Alexander Jenkins), our favorite America’s Next Top Model judge (no offense Andre Leon Talley). Alexander was en route to a taping of The Mo’nique Show in Atlanta on Tuesday night on Delta Flight 253 when some kook announced that he had a bomb and the plane was rerouted for an emergency landing. Miss J called me to tell me the news.

ABE: So J, take it from the top.

MISS J: You never think you’d be a part of something like this, you just see it on TV. So there I was watching ‘Precious’, you know, to prepare for the show with Miss Monique and they came and took all of our pillows and blankets and asked us to sit up right and fasten our seat belts. I thought that was strange because there had been no turbulence on the flight what so ever. You know girl, I was sitting first class, and you just don’t know what is going on back there.

ABE: True.

MISS J: Things started getting really weird when all the lights on the plane came on and it was way too bright. I wasn’t properly moisturized and bright lights are never a good thing. I was going to ask the crew to turn the lights down a bit, when I noticed that the crew had this weird look on their faces. Kind of like they were constipated…yet smiling. And girl, that’s when the shit hit the fan. The plane started to dip, like we were going to land, even though we had not been up in the air long enough to be near Atlanta yet. We landed and we were told that there had been a breach of security and we were in Bangor, Maine. This would be the point where everyone realized something was very wrong.

ABE: Dead giveaway.

MISS J: Then all of a sudden the plane was taken over by a SWAT team of life…

ABE: Not to be confused with lip-sync for your life.

MISS J: Exactly…Ru Paul would have flipped her wig. Anyway, the SWAT team told us we had to get off of the plane and leave all of our belongings. So I grabbed a clean pair of panties and my passport and followed the boys. They brought us to a holding room for five hours.

ABE: Jail, girl.

MISS J: Exactly. And my face was crusty from the flight.

ABE: Nightmare.

MISS J: We had to be transferred to a hotel for the night, so the SWAT team could paw through our luggage. And here’s the worst part. We were being loaded up onto yellow school buses.

ABE: Rosa Parks, Miss Thing.

MISS J: I know, girl. I went to school in The Bronx, we never had school buses. Now I know what you white, suburban people go through.

ABE: It’s painful.

MISS J: And you know how tall I am, so there I was sitting side ways and everyone thought I was being a prima donna.

ABE: You?

MISS J: All I wanted to know was whether I was going to make it to Atlanta for Monique. Naturally I was grateful to be on the ground and safe. But when you realize what could have really been the case…well…child…I really went through it.

ABE: Did you ever see the terrorist?

MISS J: He really was not even a terrorist. He was some boy from Florida named Derek Stansberry. And he was really cute, in his mid-20’s wearing flip flops. Apparently, he was on like six Ambiens and looked completely dazed and confused. All I can say is that I hope he has a clean ass for where he is going.

After that harrowing experience, click here buy Miss J's book.

Click here to follow I MEAN…WHAT?!? on Twitter.

Tagged:You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

2 Responses to “Miss J Alexander’s Clothes Call”

  1. Jeff Yen says:

    Your post is smashing. There are some issues here but don't have the time right now. I'm bookmarking this and leave this post to check again later and update my primary comment (this one). By the way i found your blog post as i was quering for similar subjects in Bing

  2. The article is in reality the wonderful on this worthy topic. I slot in collectively with your conclusions and looking forward to your coming updates. Just saying many thanks won't simply be enough, for that improbable readability inside your writing. I've grabbed your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. Gratifying job and a lot success in your company dealings!

Leave a Reply to Lorenza Nieva