“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

When I learned of Demi’s overdose last weekend, I immediately wrote a piece that included the below entry from November, titled Cougar Fatigue. My sweet nephew was appalled and asked me to take it down. But after I learned the details of what happened that night—which I will NOT share here—as always I was right. So here it is again. Cougar Fatigue is clearly what Demi Moore was suffering from.  But now, I guess we can say that Demi is now officially suffering from Post Cougar Fatigue. A syndrome that older women and even older gay men suffer from. Keeping up with the Joneses is one thing. But keeping up with men half your age is another and not good for your heart. I always loved Demi. But girl…. RE…lax. Aging may not be pretty, but somehow you have figured out how to do that well. Enjoy it. You are a beautiful woman. Now you need to let the boys go. And not just Ashton. Let’s face it, boys are annoying. Right ladies? And even older gay gentlemen?

I WROTE THIS IN NOVEMBER

With the news of Ashton Kutcher’s alleged infidelity and the split from Demi Moore, coupled with the seemingly never ending split between Courtney Cox and David Arquette, and not to mention Susan Sarandon’s pool-playing boy-toy after sharing years of bliss with Tim Robbins, I am officially suffering from Cougar Fatigue. Can we all admit that this scenario does not work… for the long haul? Not in celebrity-land anyway. What I would like to know is, “What is the shelf life of a cougar romance?” Can we come up with a formula that breaks this tryst into a mathematical equation? Move over theory of relativity.  Something like: If you add up the ages of the two willing participants and divide it by X, then multiply it with the number of children from the cougar’s prior marriage then subtract the age difference and then you are left with the amount of years this thing will last. Let’s ask Madonna, since she must have calculated this to the nth power… several times.

NOTE: There is a big difference between older gay guys romancing young boys versus women of a certain age taking on a boy-toys. Old queens have no choice but to romance twinkies, especially because that is why they have money in the first place. Women who take on the cougar role just want to feel vital and relevant, and for that, one can sympathize with them. The thing to know is when you have gotten what you need from the boy-toy and to move on before they do.

Even Courtney Cox changed the direction of her television show Cougartown where her character who was initially dating a younger guy, rendering her a cougar, has since ended that romance and is dating a guy her own age. Rumors swirl that she is also dating one of her co-stars in real life that happens to be in age group. Point being, when a cougar decides to stop cougaring, then clearly the cougar is suffering from cougar fatigue. After all, boy-toys will be boy-toys. It seems exhausting anyway. It is hard enough to keep up the facade of celebrity, couple that with tending to a twink who needs constant attention, affection and poontang, well, you see what I mean. Hey, I am all for love and salute romance, but not at the expense of the younger guy holding all the cards. Right ladies?