“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

It’s been a while since The Nobody News appeared on I Mean…What?!? and with the weather in New York City being so uber-dreary, I needed a lift. To all of you newbies, The Nobody News, is news about a bunch of nobodies…that think they are somebodies…and followed by a bunch of nobodies…who also wish they were somebodies. If you do not know what I just said, it pretty much sums up our current media fascination with a pack of annoying individuals. Looking at today’s news reports, it was clear that the Nobody News was aching for a comeback. With that,… Read More »

The above statement definitely makes me sound clueless, and perhaps I am. Though many of you have commented on my honesty and astute observations about the media, fashion, celebrity and politics, I still find myself scratching my head whenever I read the headlines. Today is no exception. Whether it’s from The New York Times, The Huffington Post or People.com, the headlines are chock full of information that gives me pause…to say the least. Here’s a few of today’s ditties.… Read More »

On several occasions I have featured The Nobody News and The Party’s Over, with stories and pictures of people you’d never want to meet. Kind of like Guest of a Guest or Hamptons Online only I was not serious. The people that those media (?) outlets feature on their party pages give new meaning to “the rags”. (I don’t care what their traffic is.) They actually legitimize the tabloids. I mean…seriously…reportage from a hagfest? Not only have we sunk to a new low on celebrity coverage, but now we have created an industry featuring people that you didn’t like in… Read More »

As I perused all the headlines and sidelines of  today’s “news” websites, I am amazed at the items that make the grade. It is an ongoing inner battle for whether I want to know things about celebrities, but really not want to know…as in TMI (too much information) or WC (who cares) or my fave new acronym IMW (I mean what). We will never go back to a gentler time if the headlines are filled with celebrity minutia, as in the case of these news stories…which frankly, are so uninteresting…that I am sleeping while writing.… Read More »

Many of you must know by now that I have coined the phrase “fotz”. There ‘s many applications to this term. But, what, do you ask, is FOTZ? Etymology: What started out as a sarcastic reference to something that is or someone that “thinks” they are fascinating. So, it went from fascinating to fotzinating to fotzy balloons to fotzy to the currently, most used…fotz. Here are a few good examples. Bing is fotz. What Madonna wore to the Costume Institute Gala was fotz. George Bush was fotz…still probably is. Most Republicans are fotz. Susan Boyle’s first makeover was fotz. People… Read More »

Fiscal Cliff Schmiscal Schmliff. I am beyond over it. If I hear the words John or Boehner anytime soon I will bust a gut, surely not a move.… Read More »

Yesterday, I announced my newest nominee for Gross Baboon of the Year with the news of Jesse James and his uber-skank Michelle “Bombshell” McGee (a.k.a. Skanky McGee, in my book). But the competition continues to be fierce for that award. Today, it’s all about Joslyn James, from the quorum of bosomy broads who diddled with Tiger Woods‘ doodle…or is it doodled with his diddle. Actually, neither, if you go by the salacious texts that poor, little victim of poontang, Joslyn endured…then released to the media…really?!? Who can feel sorry for anyone that makes choices with open eyes and hires someone… Read More »

So, not that I give a flying cahoot, but ABC-TV is beginning to release the names to the media of the people cast for the upcoming edition of Dancing With The Stars, a.k.a. How On God’s Green Earth Is This Show A Hit? Yesterday, Perez Hilton announced that Pamela Anderson will be one of the people desperately holding on to dear life for their careers. Though Kelly Osbourne, who I adore, walked away from this show with flying colors and a fierce body, many have gone onto seeming ridiculous…or insane. My source told me that Pussycat Doll extraordinaire, Nicole Scherzinger… Read More »

And now, for your viewing pleasure, the 2nd edition of Last Five Minutes Of Fame ®, the new weekly installment of people that truly belong on this list. With a nod to Andy Warhol, being on “the list” puts members of this most exclusive club in the center of the media glare…kind of like a deer in the headlights just before…KABOOM. One can’t help feeling sorry for them since they mean so well, not as in well-meaning, rather, mean so well to be famous, not matter what, at any cost, uber alles. The great thing about the Last Five Minutes… Read More »

Hair is probably the most complicated issue of our time. Perhaps second to universal health care…but an issue of the highest, most unprecedented order. Oh, yeah, and world peace. On second thought, hair is the number one issue for mankind and the other things follow suit. How can I say that? Well, admit it. You spend more time thinking about your hair as opposed to Obama’s heath care plan or the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq combined. Therefore…hair wins…horrendous as that sounds. These days with regards to hairstyles…everything goes. But, someone needs to be the voice of reason to prove… Read More »