Quantcast

What's New

Greetings From Miami

New York's tacky element. Here she is airbrushed around the nose.

Though Miami has it’s tacky elements, one can’t help loving the penthouse suite at the Fountainbleu Hotel with a view of the ocean. Tacky? Who cares. What city doesn’t have it’s tacky elements (see above). Yes, I know there are more than most here…but for now…shhhh…I need to hear the waves rolling in…not what is in my head. But first, let me point out the desperate attempt that Jules Kirby is trying to make in Page Six today that the editing has made her out to be a stupid bitch. Jules, you can cry your crocodile tears from here to Timbuktu…but you are and always will be a stupid bitch. (A) For agreeing to be in that lame High Society in the first place and (B) For saying “My friends do not tend to be homosexuals, fat or Jewish-y bald . . . I use the N-word sometimes.” You can boo-hoo all you want that the editors made you out to be the culprit. But if you agreed to say those words on camera, you deserve whatever bad vibes you get. Frankly, I am hoping you get a good, old-fashioned, bitch slapping once and for all…and preferably by a chubby, Jewish, black, lesbian with a shaved head. That would make me very happy indeed. That and the sweet sound of the Atlantic Ocean…ahhh…heaven.

High Society?!? When Donkeys Fly

Oy vey, Tinsley, tatele. High Society not applicable here.

Did you watch that ridiculous excuse for a reality show, High Society, starring Tinsley (40+) Mortimer? How about that other “star” Paul Johnson Calderon, who is completely…beyond…gross…just gross. He makes that obnoxious fagele PC from NYC Prep seem like an upstanding normal citizen. But, then again, they must run in the same circles and are no doubt two peas in a gross baboon pod. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that these people say or do that is redeemable. Might the term Less Than Zero apply here? Yes. And (B) nothing about this show is real. High Society is not a reality show. Maybe we can call it scripted, just not written by a writer kind of scripted. Actually scripted is the wrong word. Let’s go with pre-conceived situations set-up by some newbie line producer in a “This sounds like a good idea to get real conflict, keep the cameras rolling”, kind of pretentious, nonsensical way. All the while making our “heros and heroines” out to be morons of the highest order.

Paul is on the left. His buddy Kristian Laliberte is on the left. Yikes.

That scene when the horeene queen Paul Johnson Calderon (above left) asks his “Mother” for money was beyond. I do hope we will find out whether Paul was in fact adopted from some 3rd world country by the end of the first and only season of High Society. The Mother looks like a yente from Long Island and he looks like he might have been purchased from a small town in South America. And that tragic bitch Jules Kirby makes me cringe. Someone please bitch slap her and while you are at it, do the same to Paul. They call themselves socialites? Do they know what the world means? None of them are sophisticated or worldly. Tinsley comes out best of the lot by spending time with family, which is somewhat grounding. “But yikes, Tinz. You should have never done this.” She must be hoping for a Jersey Shore boondoggle to get five grand to go to the Axe Body Spray Lounge.

Jules Kirby is a pretentious, obnoxious, vomitous, annoying, gross, gross baboon.

This picture must have been taken before the season started. That or proof that the big fight between these two maroons is all a set up by a lacky.

Chanel Presents The Abominable Snow-Manzie

Each season, Karl Lagerfeld does an amazing collection for Chanel that editors wait for with baited breath as the grand finale of Paris Fashion Week. Once again, he delivered the goods and the spectacle. For the last few seasons, he’s been throwing some men’s looks into the show as eye candy. Speaking of eye candy, seems like Karl is obsessed with model, Baptiste Giabiconi. Yes, he is a tasty morsel of sugary goodness, but this Fall ‘10 collection has him dressed in all sorts of furry nonsense, and I am not loving his tragically fashionista hairdo. I remember the Eskimo Collection that Isaac Mizrahi did that was filmed as part of the movie Unzipped. But this new Chanel show takes Eskimo to the nth power. Karl Lagerfeld’s men make Eskimos look like Navi, those tall, blue, creatures in Avatar. I am surprised that Cathy Horyn didn’t report that Zoe Saldana was sitting front row. Anyhoo…I call the pieces he showed for men, Abominable Snow-Manzie. You tell me if I am on the money or not.

All these guys need is some big ass moosehead and they can be mascots at some college football game.

Baptiste is ready for the Iditarod Great Sled Race.

See what I mean about the Abominable Snowman reference?

Now do you see what I mean?

How about Bride of Abominable Snow-Manzie.

Would you believe Abominable Snow-Manzie's gay younger brother. A touch more tasteful look.

Feeling Celebrity Fatigue?!? It’s Time For The Nobody News…

Phew. Award season is over. Whether you are pleased with the results of the Oscar winners (I am), or the Oscar telecast (I’m not), or the Red Carpet gowns (I’m OK overall) or the constant coverage (I’m exhausted), you have to be somewhat relieved that the barrage of celebrity overload is over…for now. Look, I, too, love celebrity culture, but you have to admit, with the rise in urgency of every award show (including the Razzies), we are now chock-full of Gabourey Sidibe (someone tell her to stop screaming), Jason Reitman (your daddy directed Kindergarten Cop, stop thanking him) and (the non-feud between) Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron. (From the looks of the new Mrs. C., Kathryn got out in the nick of time, figure in tact.) We have not heard an update in the media from Haiti, outside of Sean Penn’s valiant efforts and surly no one gives a hoot about Chile. “Yes, it has been unseasonably chilly in Los Angeles this award season.” Is probably what is on everyone’s lips.

Anyway, let me take you away, like a Calgon bath, to a place where people really don’t matter. Where Jennifer Lopez would sooner be caught dead, and ne’er a Marchesa dress is worn. That is the New York party scene. Flocks of wanna-bes and never wases fill the cavernous nightclubs and retail events in an effort to catch the thrill and feel like a celebrity(ish), albeit a really sad version. Limelight and celebrity are two different things, but, you gotta love people for their vain, little attempts at fabulosity. Herewith are some folks that will never go to the Vanity Fair after party and clearly not the Governor’s Ball…well, maybe to the Governor Patterson Sayonara Soiree.

This group reads like the Who's Who of Who Cares.

Hold onto your LV bags, Jules Kirby (left) stars in the premiere of High Society this Wednesday after America's Next Top Model.

Tinsley Mortimer stretches her New York-ness to Hollywood for the E! Oscar viewing party. Think she got a little too overdressed? Yikes.

There's a new It-ish Girl in town, Sally Shan...wanna-be extraordinaire.

Here's who makes it to Guest of a Guest.

Guest of a Hoochi Mamma.