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There’s Yet Another New Gross Baboon Of The Year

Move over Michelle Bombshell McGee, Joslyn James wants the crown.

Yesterday, I announced my newest nominee for Gross Baboon of the Year with the news of Jesse James and his uber-skank Michelle “Bombshell” McGee (a.k.a. Skanky McGee, in my book). But the competition continues to be fierce for that award. Today, it’s all about Joslyn James, from the quorum of bosomy broads who diddled with Tiger Woods‘ doodle…or is it doodled with his diddle. Actually, neither, if you go by the salacious texts that poor, little victim of poontang, Joslyn endured…then released to the media…really?!? Who can feel sorry for anyone that makes choices with open eyes and hires someone like Gloria Allred. What on God’s green Earth is she doing at all of these hooker-with-a-heart-of-green press conferences? Is Gloria Allred their madam…or what?

(Madam) Gloria Allred is always where the "action" is...just sayin'...

It surely is shaping up to be a year of surprises. The Oscars honored a Razzie Winner, America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, while also acknowledging fat people, Gabourey Sidibe. We watched the Tiger Woods scandal unfold then proceed to monopolize the airwaves. We wondered what on Earth did Brooke Mueller say to Charlie Sheen that fateful Christmas morning that made him put a knife to her throat. Seems as though controversy never ends and there are people that show up in the media for being…well…skanky…think Rielle Hunter. As a result, I Mean…What?!? created a new award, Gross Baboon of the Year, honoring those who throw themselves into the fray of controversy, and the laps of married men, surely for personal reasons and not for “love”. My friend Sarah Symonds would naturally, and rightfully so, has made it her mission to point out the horrendosity of the men in these cases, and I thoroughly concur. I, however, have chosen to acknowledge the Gross Baboons in these affairs and give out awards. I will let Sarah do her very good work at trashing the Jesse James’ and Tiger Woods’ of the world, while I focus on the bitches. It makes for better copy anyway. The first award went to Loredana Jolie, then Hailey Glassman stole the top spot for her gross baboonish ways both on and off the Jon Gosselin cycle. Rachel Uchitel was a clear favorite as well. (Jon Gosselin, for the record, is the original Gross Baboon and for whom the award was named.) Nominees abound with, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee. Yes, she is a distant relative of Yowza McGee (see below). Michelle zoomed in on the kill with Jesse James, when you read how that relationship unfolded. And when I say kill, I mean kill two birds with one stone:

With Jesse, the lumbering well-endowed ox, she gets the great roll in the hay.
With a scandal of this magnitude this will surely up her Google rating.

Each nominee and winner of the award proves my bigger point that, “Illicit Sex: The Stepping Stone to a Media Career“. (Quick, good read on Huffington Post.) Herewith are the aforementioned lovelies. Feel free to email me your choice for Gross Baboon of the Year.

Hailey Glassman...past recipient.

The Queen of the Gross Baboons.

Rielle Hunter is grosser than a Gross Baboon.

Laura Bush was dubbed Yowza McGee in Fresh Cheeks*.

Michelle McGee, also called Michelle Bombshell

Michelle Bombshell McGee shows the McGee family resemblance?

*Click here for Fresh Cheeks.

Mar 18, 2010 | Categories: Can You Believe?!? | Tags: America's Sweetheart, Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen, Gabourey Sidibe, gloria allred, Google, Gross Baboon of the Year, Hailey Glassman, Jesse James, Jon Gosselin, Laura Bush, loredana jolie, Michelle Bombshell McGee, Michelle McGee, Oscars, Rielle Hunter, sandra bullock, Sarah Symonds, Skanky McGee, Tiger Woods, Yowza McGee | 4 Comments »

How To Deal With World Fashion Week

You can thank me later. For now, I have devised a devilishly good plan to put an end, once and for all, to World Fashion Week. Now, when I refer to World Fashion Week, I mean places in this world besides Paris, Milan, London and New York that host “Fashion Weeks”…and I use the term loosely here. Having looked at image after image (click on links for a good giggle) from places such as Madrid, Rome, Kiev, Krygyzstan (no, I am not kidding), Abu Dabi, Pakistan, Lakme, San Paolo, Aspen (really?), Dubai, Couture Tranny, Los Angeles (they are actually claiming Los Angeles Fashion Month…tee hee), I have decided that all this needs to stop. The brilliance of my plan should bring applause all around, and cheers by actual designers who are already feeling the pinch from the glut of celebrity designers. All these ancillary activities have to be eating into the core business of fashion. And if I am wrong, well, you can just thank me for getting rid of the fashion riff-raff.

No, this is not from a regional theater Romeo and Juliet costume...it's World Fashion Week.

THE PLAN: My idea was inspired by the article in today’s The New York Observer about the The 9/11 Gay Terrorist named Ahmad Hikmat Shakir. Gay, yes, hot, no. “He was tall as a mushroom, fat and gay,” one source familiar with the case told The Observer, “and the idea was to exploit him as an agent against Al Qaeda.” The article also points out that Mohamed Atta, the 9/11 hijacker from Egypt, was also rumored to be gay. OK, so, reading about these queens, I consider the whole Gays in the Military, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy drama and think, “What if we just take all the gays in the military and assign them to the critical task of rounding up all the World Fashion Week “designers”…and I use the term loosely here…and bring them to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Once there, the “designers” can host massive styling fests with the other terrorists, that, who knows, might also be gay.” Don’t you love it? Move over The Hurt Locker, these outfits are dangerous. Check out these images from around the globe and tell me if I am not onto something here. I mean…what?!?

When the French refer to petites mains (tiny hands), they do not have this nonsense in mind.

When you say something costs an arm and a leg, it is not meant literally.

When the fatties from The Biggest Loser shed their pounds, the old wardrobes should not be recycled on a runway far away as "What's New for Fall 10 in Outer Mongolia".

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but Couture (Tranny) Fashion Week must go.

When a tarantula becomes the inspiration for a hat...all bad fashion must end.

Can we all agree here that unless you are a Vegas show girl, this kind of stuff must go.

My plan to get all this off the radar and onto Guantanamo Bay is brilliant...correct?

Mar 17, 2010 | Categories: Fashion?!? | Tags: Ahmad Hikmat Shakir, Al Qaeda, Cuba, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy, gay, Gay Terrorist, Gays in the military, Guantanamo Bay, kiev fashion week, Krygyzstan Fashion Week, Lakme Fashion Week, Los Angeles Fashion Week, Madrid Fashion Week, Mohamed Atta, the hurt locker, The New York Observer, The Observer, World Fashion Week | Leave A Comment »

Lady Gaga Should Check Back Into The Fontainebleau

Lady Gaga needs to run back here and relax for a spell.

Just got back from Miami after an amazingly restful few days of R & R at the Fontainebleau Hotel. You would not believe the digs we stayed in. We were VIP Serviced to the tits into this beyond beyond penthouse. Not just some lame-ass penthouse suite. I am talking 4,000 square feet of stunning, with 20 foot ceilings, where Lady Gaga stayed when she was down there performing at LIV Nightclub for New Year’s Eve. Check out the view from the massive palais. Then check out this other view…yes…our humble abode stretched the length of the entire Tresor building. Move over P. Diddy…yes, he stays there too. All I can say is, if it good enough for Diddy and Gaga, it is good enough for ABIE & BABIES.

Everywhere you turned there was water and sky. Gags...come back now.

The VIP Services at the Fontainebleu are unbelievable. Lakaya, Massa and Janine could not be more helpful if they tried. They welcomed us (my friends Annie, Emily and Julian) into this five bedroom, four-and-a-half bathroom grooviness with open arms. The staff actually walked us to our suite from the check-in point. The amenities at the hotel are beyond. The spa, the pools, the gym are intensely lovely. Anyway, I can’t say enough good things about my experience. Also, please note: I am doing this shout out because being treated like a celebrity when I am only one in my own mind, is something that should be acknowledged. This is not some blog promo. We paid for our stay. The Fontainebleu = hospitality at its best.

Anyhoo, after watching this bit (below) on D-Listed of Lady Gaga exhausted in New Zealand, I am just saying she should take a much needed rest and return to Miami, where she will be well taken care of.