“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Is Barbara Walters kidding? With all the interesting people that walk the face of this Earth, she has settled upon several choices that make me–and should make you–realize that her opinion no longer matters outside of The View.  Admit it, even Baba Wawa’s Academy Awards sit down interviews have been less than amazing the past couple of years. I could probably book those same people for I Mean What TV if I really tried. But seriously, have you seen the list for 2011? It is embarrassing. Donald Trump? The Kardashians? I was shocked that Lisa Van Der Pump from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills did not make the cut. Surely Andy Cohen must have reached out to Baba for her consideration. Derek Jeter, Donald Trump, Simon Cowell, Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet from Modern Family, Khloe Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Pippa Middleton. Fascinating? More like fotz-inating. (See below for etymology for the word “fotz”.) Some of these people are on the list for surviving sheer public humiliation alone.

1. Donald Trump: Is it fascinating that he was ridiculed for the birthing issue and trashed at the Washington Correspondents Dinner? Or that he had to cancel his self-bloviated Republican Debate? That is humiliating, not fascinating Babs. Sorry. Bad choice.

2. Kim Kardashian: Are you that desperate for ratings that bottom feeding the E! Channel pool of talent is your way of saying that scam weddings and self-importance is what you consider fascinating? Not only that, the interview was taped on October 5 when Kim says everything is fine and a couple weeks later all is anything but fine in Glocca Morra aka Calabasas? Embarrassing, not fascinating.

3. Katy Perry: Between Katy Perry and Lady Gaga the the word over-exposed comes to mind. Talk about plucking the low-hanging fruits from the PR machine trees. Being on this list is less interesting than when women were on Mr. Blackwell’s Worst Dressed List. And while I am at it, The Not Best Dressed List is even more compelling these days since all my selects end up on Joan Rivers’ Fashion Police, where Katy Perry resides regularly.

4. Simon Cowell: Have you seen X Factor. It is an over-bloated, over-produced nonsense fest featuring some OK talent. Surely not worth five million dollars and definitely not worthy of the Pepsi Icon Spot. Are these marketing people kidding? Is Simon Cowell kidding? Is Barabara Walters kidding? Moving on.

5. Pippa Middleton: Yes, she is a cutie but what has she done? Does having a famous sister constitute your eligibility to Baba’s list? Outside of that criteria, what else has Pippa accomplished besides walking around London in stylish frocks. Has this list been watered down to utter blather and air kisses? Somebody help me here because if shopping at Zara makes you fascinating, then I give up.

6. Jesse Tyler & Eric Stonestreet: I guess Baba wants to throw in the token gay element to get the queens watching this show. If we are talking about just from a comedy standpoint then I do not get why those guys would be on the list where as Larry David is not. Let’s hear it for the boys, I guess. Clearly I am not convinced. On the contrary. It is an obvious homo cow-tow.

7. Derek Jeter: Excuse me, isn’t he nearing the end of his career in like a minute? And now that we know that he gives out parting gift bags of Derek Jeter crap to all his tricks, I find that annoying not fascinating.

8. The Other Kardashians: See #2.

THE most fascinating person will be revealed the night the show airs. Oooh, who could it be? NeNe Leaks from Real Housewives of Atlanta? Kate Gosselin? Newt & Calista Gingrich? Yo mamma? Who cares?

Etymology of Fotz: It started out as a sarcastic reference to something that is or someone that “thinks” they are fascinating. So, it went from, “Oh, you’re fascinating” to “You are fotzinating” to “fotzy balloons” to “fotzy” to the currently, most used…”fotz”.