“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

V is For Victory for Tubby…I mean…Voluminously Voluptuous Women. To be clear, V Magazine is doing a whole issue with plus-sized models. This is a major statement for the normally anorexic audience that reads most uber-fabulous glossies. Didn’t they all start the trend in vomiting and other such lovely feats of strength to look thin and gorgeous. As a past fatty, I am glad that V is willing to dedicate this much attention and resources to acknowledge this audience. I just wonder if it will be the token fat issue and never again will we see an unsightly bulge…except in… Read More »

What do Jon Gosselin, Hailey Glassman, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller have in common? The fact that they are common. Longtime nobody Hailey Glassman has figured her way back into the media glare and boy, must she be in pig heaven. Well, if the shoe fits. We now have a story that she ransacked Jon Gosselin‘s, (the other pig in this story) New York City apartment, leaving a threatening note at the end of a knife. Ooooh….chills. The antics that these two (remember, water seeks its own level) gross baboons have been up to since they first made the scene… Read More »

Am I just an old, jaded, desensitized grump who disagrees with everything out of sheer habit or do I say what many people feel, and don’t say anything?!? Looking at the list that Barbara Walters (Babba Wawwa for those of you who remember Rosanne Rosanna Danna) put together for her 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009 reads like the 10 Most Googled People on Earth. Frankly, Google should do their own online TV show and let Babba settle into the distance. Google-able and Fascinating are not the same thing in my mind. Let’s discuss for one minute the word fascinating.… Read More »

Here’s a game that we can all play together. It’s pretty easy. I will show you a picture followed by a few statements. You select the answer that best fits the person/people and the situation. Easy and fun! A) Now what are we gonna do? B) Look, we’ve gotten this far, surely some stupid publicity scam will keep us in the public eye. C) All of the above. A) One sex tape, even sex tapes. What’s the difference? B) These boobs are all I have left. C) I should have lied to Perez Hilton, God damn it. D) All of… Read More »

Awww. The poor little babies (a.k.a tragic media whores) that think they are all that and a bag of chips by virtue of their being tracked by the tabloid news. You have to love these people for they know not who they are. They only know who they think they are. Then we also have the people who’s media-driven projects that got all sorts of hype but alas, did not live up to the expectations. Cheer up because you have been graced with the honor of being on the I MEAN…WHAT?!? LAST FIVE MINUTES OF FAME LIST. It’s a great… Read More »

Some days there are a slew of silly stories that are worth commenting on. This is one of those days. There is no real theme, no rhyme, no reason. Well, surely there is no reason for these people to be in the news, but since they are, hello fodder. NEWSFLASH!!! Carrie Prejean and Sarah Palin have become friends since the ‘I hate gays (except my mother) speech’. Birds of a feather. NEWSFLASH!!!  Carrie Prejean confesses to sex tape on Sean Hannity’s FOX-TV News Show: “It was the biggest mistake of my life-ish.” To read past installments of The Nobody News,… Read More »

All the News About Nobodies That’s Fit to Print. This surely has become one of my favorite I Mean What?!? entries. The phenomenon that is “People in the News” has been so watered down, that we are now desensitized to actual news about people that are really interesting. Anyway, I’ve explained The Nobody News countless times. It’s just a fact of life that the fast lane is so crowded with wanna be’s.… Read More »

Is it just me or is there like some weird energy going around? Maybe it’s the economy, or the loss of key Democratic states so soon after President “Change” Obama took office, proving that Americans don’t really want change. Or perhaps it is the pre-holiday blues. Hell, now that retailers are bringing Christmas in so early, why not move up those holiday doldrums, too. Anyway you slice it, this mid-season funk does not make anyone feel sexy. Introspective, yes. Sexy, no. Take the following IMW WTF Is Wrong With Me Test, (move over Rorschach or Minnesota Tests) to see if… Read More »

Here we have another edition of Last Five Minutes of Fame. This is an odd week because some of the people on this list are the current obsession of the media. Maybe it is wishful thinking. But I am testing my witching powers to see if by virtue of putting them on the list, if that has an impact on what we will see in the press going forward. Which is such a sad state of media affairs. I heard that Access Hollywood told a publicist that they only way they will cover an event if Jon Gosselin attends. Like… Read More »

It’s been a while since The Nobody News appeared on I Mean…What?!? and with the weather in New York City being so uber-dreary, I needed a lift. To all of you newbies, The Nobody News, is news about a bunch of nobodies…that think they are somebodies…and followed by a bunch of nobodies…who also wish they were somebodies. If you do not know what I just said, it pretty much sums up our current media fascination with a pack of annoying individuals. Looking at today’s news reports, it was clear that the Nobody News was aching for a comeback. With that,… Read More »