These Debs look like future bridezillas if you as me.
It’s not fair that I was NOT put on Earth as the blond daughter of an Upper East Side, Protestant, Republican with Democratic leanings…depending on the year. No, my lot in life is that of a downtown, non-hetero, scraper-byer. It is just not fair. After reading the article in today’s The New York Times Style, I wanted to get a wig, take a few extra spinning classes and buy some Ralph Lauren to justify my existence. This week is the International Debutante Ball at the Waldorf-Astoria and if ever there was a room that I have no business being in…that would be it. Do yourself a favor and read this article about one deb in particular, Hadley Nagel, whose total persona makes my teeth hurt. Actually, the combination of the deb and her mother, Susan Nagel, who serves as her publicist, yes, you got that right, is so claustrophobic, that I simply cannot breathe. To aim for perfection has always seemed like the kiss of death. See Black Swan if you want to really see the downside of trying to be perfect. The Nagel Principle has all the trappings of the perfect life with the underlying desperate need to keep up with the Joneses. Though two of their ancestors signed the Declaration of Independence, which renders them the Joneses, I am referring to a non literal description of the Joneses.
Guys born into this good life where they simply take over their father’s business are called members of the Lucky Sperm Club. Women, such as the 30 debutantes that will be introduced to society on December 29, only get to take over the role of neurotic, controlling, pill-popping busy-body like their mothers.
“What is important in life is life, and not the result of life.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I'd rather have a friendship with a scraper-byer than with an iron maiden hellbent on having the illusion of a perfect life anyday. Enjoy life as it is, stay in the present, and keep the self-deception at bay with a good cup of coffee, a donut and a certain amount of self deprecation and humor!
Happy New Year Abe! Keep up the great insights! XO K
I so appreciate the kind words. And trust me..I ain't cuttin' out just yet. happy happy holidays….xo
Just read about Hadley Nagel and her mamma and oh, my my. Grey Gardens 2.0, anyone?
Though I must say, I always find it poignant to read about over-achieving girls whose only "vice" involves putting two Splendas in something. Such a perfect metaphor, so much bitter(Nutra)sweetness…
Genius…happy new year. xo
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You have made a number of unkind generalizations here about your expectations of the character of these young women and their mothers.
I was a debutante, and I hope that my daughter, who is now 7, will also be one. I was raised to respect and honor those who have gone before us, of all backgrounds, who have given us the freedoms and the wonderful blessings of our country today; to serve through volunteerism; and to try to "live out my beliefs" in my religious faith and my moral bearings.
…And both my daughter and I have brown hair!
Hadley Nagel is a civic-minded young woman who has worked hard, on projects that benefit others. Her mother has done for her what would I hope that every mother would want to do for her daughter: to give her guidance, help, and to celebrate her successes in life.
I would be surprised if Miss Nagel or her mother ever "popped pills", and I know that none of the women in my family ever have. If you call us "busy bodies" because of our volunteer work, then I will wear that title gladly.
When people make broad generalizations about other groups of people that they know little about, they are merely reflecting their own values, biases,insecurities,and characters. That is the origin of racism, as well as of classism.
The fact that you turned this conversation into a self-aggrandizing list of the virtues of being a debutant kind of proves that the stereotype of debutants is true. You're not a better person than anyone else just because you were a debutant. You're not a better person than anyone else just because you do volunteer work (and I'm sure you love those charity tax write-offs). Almost everyone who reaches the age of 21 knows that you should respect other people and help others.
And are you seriously comparing the "discrimination" against ultra-rich upper-upper-class people with racism? Seriously?! Because I don't remember learning about millionaire WASPs getting lynched or being forced to sit in the back of buses in any of my history classes. The insulated naivete of that comparison is astounding.
From the article: "Her parents, former habitués of Studio 54, used to spend Thanksgiving with the hotel-heir Hiltons" That says it all.
As someone who knows Miss Nagel personally, if we had had a daughter, I would have liked her to be just like Miss Nagel. She is a remarkably poised and intelligent young lady, who is also very modest in demeanor. Sour grapes on the rest of the naysayers.