“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

How did The New York Times Style section figure out a way to stretch an article about Justin Bieber as long as it was? The guy is still in diapers for Christ’s sake. Is there really enough depth for such an extensive piece? Oh, right, the Jingle Ball, now there’s a life-altering lesson to share. Needless to say, when I read that his mother was praying that the Jewish hip-hop manager would not be their ticket to fame and fortune, I cringed. But to learn that Justin has a swagger coach…for what…to give his prepubescent genital area some Elvis action…well…I just give up. This weekend’s Sunday Styles Section baffled me. Nowhere do we have articles by Eric Wilson, Ruth La Ferla, Guy Trebay or Cathy Horyn, for some real fashion stories. Instead, there is that lengthy profile of a tangerine (that which I call extremely enthusiastic kids), and A Day Out With…not even A Night Out With, but A Day Out With…drum roll, please…Bob Eubanks.

Bob Eubanks? Now I know New York City is not quite as groovy as it was in the late 1970’s but you couldn’t find one remotely, if not, quasi-interesting New Yorker to spend an evening with? If The New York Times wants to promote the upcoming Newlywed Game Redoux, fine. You have the Art and Leisure Section for that. Cross pollinating Eubanks wearing golf clothes in the Style Section is an insult to style-conscious people everywhere. Especially in light of Tiger Woods‘ on and off-the-green shenanigans. Right now, who cares what golf-types are up to? Who are you going to do for the next for A Night Out With…Rachel Uchitel? At least she’s a New Yorker…yikes.

And finally, that occasional Generation B feature that The Times does is a heartwarming homage to old folks. Perhaps there is a way to combine a youth oriented YouTube success story with a Generation B person. Maybe I should do a music video of my creaking joints set to music while moisturizing with Queen Helene Grape Seed Extract. Perhaps then I can be a subject for the Style Section.