“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Awwww, poor Michelle Bachmann. She’s running neck and neck with the losers Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman for Biggest Loser in recent polls. Now, look, I am the first one to call that woman a crackpot and her gay husband Marcus Bachmann, a closet case. But to refresh your memory, I started the Michelle Bachmann for President campaign in May (see below), knowing full well that she guarantees Barack Obama’s second term. Well, I am still happy to support Bachmann for President. Please join me. Listening to old bug eyes yattle on and on how she would stop giving food… Read More »

The gloves are off and the cat fight begins between Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, the Doublemint Twins of the Tea Party. Neither zealot has officially entered the race yet, but they are already taking jabs at each other through their hired mouth pieces. What is more brilliant than that? Brilliant because as I predicted months ago, there will be no harmony with this duet. It is similar to the similarities of Bryce Dallas Howard and Jessica Chastain. It is hard to tell them apart, too. In March, when the Charlie Sheen meltdown was monopolizing the airwaves, I wrote: The… Read More »

Don’t you love people who shoot themselves in the foot? I sure do. It makes me very happy and few things make me very happy. Like a Percocet and a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. Or watching the snow fall from my bedroom window, which overlooks downtown Manhattan. Red Carpet arrivals make me happy, too, and last night’s SAG Awards was no exception. Winner is Mila Kunis. Let’s hear it for Alexander McQueen‘s busiest week. But in the case of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, their perfunctory need to yattle off at the mouth–spewing Tea Party nonsense–well,… Read More »

  Politicians are like an “IT” bag, and each season, there is a new “must-have”. This Presidential season is going to be the Chanel of wind bags. You find me one candidate for President of the United States, present company and President included, that is not prone to hypocrisy, and I will pay you money. Seriously, this is a one time offer, as I am not a betting man. No one on Earth can present the case for a candidate who does not talk out of both sides of their mouth and other orifices, in order to please the masses.… Read More »

Poor Sarah Palin. Now that she has been marginalized and stuffed back in her Wasilla box, she is desperately trying to claw her way back into some sort of rhetorical relevance by spewing hatred on, what else, Fox News. Any money bet that she had her finger in the reality show deal for Beehive, the hair salon that is credited for her up-dos. The new show, Big Hair Alaska will air on TLC, the network that brought you Sarah Palin killing animals and winking. Coincidence? I don’t think so. The other thing is that she is on contract with Fox… Read More »

Leave it up to Sarah Palin, with her grossly misguided sense of self, to launch her comeback from stupidity on Memorial Day Weekend. Kicking off in Washington DC, while grossly using the Vietnam War veterans to pull at heart strings, get ready for a calculated, lame attempt to prove to America, that her One Nation Tour is all about them and not about her. And if you believe that for one second you Tea Party zealot, well, by all means sign up here to buy a piece of what’s left of the Poconos. Sarah Palin and her yahoo family are… Read More »

Arrest me for making this comparison, but both of these outspoken fringe-element characters, Pastor Terry Jones, being incredibly evil, and Jimmy McMillan, The Rent Is Too Damn High Guy, being hilariously right have one unmistakable thing in common: their facial hair. When these guys are not in front of the cameras spewing utter nonsense–again, one being extraordinarily evil, like Charles Manson evil, versus hilarious, like will-never-get-elected hilarious–they must be members of Barbershop Quartets. What Rosa Parks was to the Civil Rights Movement, Terry Jones is to the War On Terror. What Terry Jones did by burning the Koran will be… Read More »

Meghan McCain, that quirky Republican daughter of the homophobic flip-flopper Senator John (yellow teeth) McCain…well…that is clearly why he lost the election…has made a vow to help “kick Obama‘s ass out of the White House”. Excuse me, but the language that these Republican women are using about our President even give rappers pause. Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell and now Megan McCain have gotten all Suge Knight on the Obama Administration and I am drawing a line in the sand. Megan and these other ladies (I use the term loosely) say the most inappropriate things, so I hereby declare… Read More »