“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Awwww, poor Michelle Bachmann. She’s running neck and neck with the losers Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman for Biggest Loser in recent polls. Now, look, I am the first one to call that woman a crackpot and her gay husband Marcus Bachmann, a closet case. But to refresh your memory, I started the Michelle Bachmann for President campaign in May (see below), knowing full well that she guarantees Barack Obama’s second term. Well, I am still happy to support Bachmann for President. Please join me.

Listening to old bug eyes yattle on and on how she would stop giving food stamps and take away healthcare is far more entertaining than endless reports on Rick Perry’s brain freeze or Herman Cain’s libido. The though of him makes me cringe let alone in a sexual way. Feh. And how many times a day do we need to be reminded that Romney is a flip-flopper and not the Tea Party’s choice? The fact that the Tea Party supports a black man is proof enough for me that they can’t be trusted, because given the opportunity, they would stone Obama, and not because of his politics mind you. The Cain phenomenon makes no sense and he will never…. read my lips… never… be a U.S. President. Oh, I wouldn’t leave the country or anything, I’d stick around to watch another Civil War, started by the Tea Party. They are the ones that do that stupid Civil War reenactments.

POST FROM MAY 29, 2011

As a reminder, this post went up on May 29, prior to Michele Bachmann‘s recent announcement  that she was, in fact, going to take a stab at the White House. Operative word…stab.

We announce the launch of the I MEAN…WHAT?!? campaign to elect Michele Bachmann for President in 2012. Of all the Republican quasi-candidates currently fighting for face time, and desperately trying to have a personality, Michele Bachmann has what it takes to generate major waves and become the darling of the press. A Bachmann tsunami will challenge the current (and I quote Michele here) “Gangster Government run by Barack Obama”. Bachmann is incredibly polarizing. Between her anti-gay stance coupled with how unbelievably white she is, not to mention beyond straight-laced, that she will scare the be-Jesus out of gays, blacks and young people. All those who voted Obama into the White House in the first place. Once it sinks in to old people that Bachmann supports The End Of Medicare as we know it, that crowd will be running to the voting booths in droves. Bottom line: Michele Bachmann is my secret  weapon to keep Obama right where he is.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7miRCLeFSJo

Now that Tom Petty has issued a cease and desist order to Bachmann about not suing his song American Girl on the campaign trail, that brings me to my choice of campaign song and slogan, You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet by Bachman Turner Overdrive, no relation. Well, maybe in the overdrive part. It is still too soon to announce Michele’s running mate for VP because we need to get through a few primaries and caucuses first. We can assure you, that we are well financed and plan to bring along plenty of apple pie and Dentu-Creme to Iowa, Nebraska, and North Dakota to give her the kick-off she deserves.

Surely Michele’s bid for President is feasible thanks to the glass ceiling being cracked by Hillary Clinton, then shattered to smithereens and tarnished by Sarah Palin. Fortunately for us, Palin’s unruly family coupled with her zeal to blabber on and on on camera, has greatly diminished her chances to get the nomination for President, though we could not have done this without her. We expect Sarah Palin to join us on the campaign trail and who knows, she may very well be added to the ticket as Vice President, unless of course she gets offered another reality show at which point she will be off like the wind to club seals and teach basket weaving.

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httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixs27-xUSRA