Lions & Tigers & Bed Bugs…Oh My

Yes, you guys are adorable...but you need to be scrubbed and scrubbed some more before anything else.

What in tarnation is going on in New York City with all these bedbug outbreaks? It used to be that mice and cockroaches were the big evil that plagued our city, but bed bugs? Really? I am breching (vomit in Yiddish). Bedbugs have been discovered recently in theaters, clothing stores, office buildings, housing projects, posh apartments and hotels. Gross! The city fielded 11,000 complaints about bedbugs last year. The thing that is sooo gross about bedbugs is that they make crabs look like the bug of choice. A little pubic scrub and some laundry and off you go…being the town slut. But bed bugs is like a whole production starting with throwing out your bed coupled with moving to another city. Feh, it just gives me the willies. So help me…if I encounter one bed bug…I will not only scream, but kill everyone who entered my home since 2008.

When Hollister, Victoria Secret and Abercrombie & Fitch were forced to close their stores to get rid of their bedbug infestation, I wondered:

1. Does this mean we can still sleep with those shirtless demi-Gods?
2. Rather than throw out all those clothes, won’t they send them off to needy countries like Haiti and Pakistan, where bed bugs are the least of their problems?
3. Have you walked into those stores for the very last time?

The answer to all three questions is Yes! Now with reports of bedbugs at the Elle editorial offices and the Empire State Building, nowhere is safe. I am going to become the Boy in the Bubble and live my life accordingly. No more direct meetings…I will communicate with others exclusively through SKYPE, email and I MEAN…WHAT?!?

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