“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Everyday there is a news item about someone that clearly fits the title, Douche of the Day. I hereby christen this new entry and intend to share with you my Douche of the Day. To kick-off this column I give you Republican Allen West who claims that Democrats are like Nazis or some such nonsense. Talk about calling the kettle black or the real Nazi calling the kettle a Nazi. This moron a.k.a Douche of the Day said this: “If Joseph Goebbels was around, he’d be very proud of the Democrat Party because they have an incredible propaganda machine,” West… Read More »

Not trying to outdo Barbara Walters, but surely after seeing her choices for Ten Most Fascinating People, I have been advised–and well-advised at that–to create my own annual Ten Most Fotz-inating People since Walters’ choices have been so banal… kinda like the people that grace the pages of I Mean What?!? … Read More »

Well, frankly, this Playboy cover is not as riveting as when Lindsay Lohan first showed us her nipple here on I Mean What?!? two years ago on the Muse magazine spread and accompanying video. Look, I have always wished her well—though I get flack for it—but I still do. Would love to see 2012 be the most productive for her. That is my holiday wish for Lindsay. Happy Ho Ho Ho. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLI8rWtU86M_i0&feature=player_embedded… Read More »

As The Stomach Turns, Episode 3, Oh Yeah?… Read More »

Oy vey. What a difference a day makes. There is a book out today called Celebrity Inc. that speaks to the tacky ways people make money off their fifteen minutes of fame. Written by Jo Piazza, writer for the New York Daily News, he is already predicting Kim Kardashian‘s fall from grace and her trajectory spiraling downward similar to that of Paris Hilton‘s demise a.k.a “the slippery slope to becoming the brunt of the joke then more painfully, obscurity”. Sure they still love Paris in Tokyo, which sounds like an oxymoron. But here, Paris can’t… well… can only get arrested.… Read More »

Q. What is the meaning of hypocrisy? A. The pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude. FACT: You cannot walk around trashing Miley Cyrus for doing a lap dance with an old queen like Adam Shankman and consider the new Miss USA marketing campaign a good idea. FACT: You cannot watch Jersey Shore and think it is hilarious, anxiously waiting Season Two, then judge Miley Cyrus for being too young to be sexy. FACT: You cannot be a self-righteous Tea Bagger (Sarah Palin) with a daughter that just so happens to be a teenage mother out of wedlock.… Read More »

What did I tell you? Three weeks ago, when the Breaking Newzzz of Kim Kardashian‘s unexpected divorce from Kris “The Brick Shit House” Humphries came to light, I predicted that the Kris & Kim divorce will be a major soap opera, which I titled The Days of Kim’s Lives…All Nine of Them. Well, since the dish has started flying, I am changing the name of the soap opera to As The Stomach Turns because this divorce is going to be a doozy. Before the ink is even dry—from the Parker Pen that was pitched to Kim to sign the divorce… Read More »

When Presidential candidates are continually caught in lies and/or webs of deceit, someone has to stand up for Truth, Justice and the American Way. No? And really, who better than me, a fast talking gay, Jew who would otherwise would have been chastised for having an opinion.… Read More »

Awwww, poor Michelle Bachmann. She’s running neck and neck with the losers Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman for Biggest Loser in recent polls. Now, look, I am the first one to call that woman a crackpot and her gay husband Marcus Bachmann, a closet case. But to refresh your memory, I started the Michelle Bachmann for President campaign in May (see below), knowing full well that she guarantees Barack Obama’s second term. Well, I am still happy to support Bachmann for President. Please join me. Listening to old bug eyes yattle on and on how she would stop giving food… Read More »

All this grotesque chatter about the Penn State crimes seem to prove that there are more douche bags in this world than I originally thought. And believe me, I thought there were plenty of douche bags up until now. But no one is douche baggier than the guy who thought that not doing anything was the right thing to do. Mike McQueary went running waaa waaa waaa all the way home to his daddy as his best course of action. A daddy that clearly never taught him right from wrong. A daddy that has to deal with his big cry… Read More »