“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

V is For Victory for Tubby…I mean…Voluminously Voluptuous Women. To be clear, V Magazine is doing a whole issue with plus-sized models. This is a major statement for the normally anorexic audience that reads most uber-fabulous glossies. Didn’t they all start the trend in vomiting and other such lovely feats of strength to look thin and gorgeous. As a past fatty, I am glad that V is willing to dedicate this much attention and resources to acknowledge this audience. I just wonder if it will be the token fat issue and never again will we see an unsightly bulge…except in… Read More »

My head is spinning from the announcement of Bristol Palin’s new public relations firm that has launched called BSMP LLC. Since you asked, that stands for Bristol Sharon Marie Palin Lascivious Lame Crapola. Bristol has become the spokes-model for Candie’s Foundation against teenage pregnancy and abstinence, not that she would know anything about any of that. But besides the point, what next step is there for the teenage mother, really? Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Palin compound (nee house) as they sat around trying to figure out next steps in world domination on the heels… Read More »

As we close out the year and begin anew, let’s see who has what it takes to keep their puss in the light of media glare and what nudniks gets cast aside like a pair of old shoes. It’s a tough business, this business of show, and you have to be cunning, baffling and powerful…oh, that’s alcohol, but still applicable here. Who doesn’t benefit from a booze addled night coupled with a few Hooter-types? Can you say Tiger Woods thirteen times fast? Anyhoo, here to kick-off 2010, is the first installment of Last Five Minutes of Fame.… Read More »

There are two dreadful days of the year. No, not April 15, that one I can stomach. These are the bitter pills of days. One of them is that first day back to work (or school, which caused the problem in the first place) after the long, joyous summer. I did a piece The End of Summer Stomach Ache earlier this year. It is clear as a bell why they call it Labor Day because it’s as painful as being in labor. The other horrendous day is the first day back to work after the Christmas holidays having overdosed on… Read More »

How did The New York Times Style section figure out a way to stretch an article about Justin Bieber as long as it was? The guy is still in diapers for Christ’s sake. Is there really enough depth for such an extensive piece? Oh, right, the Jingle Ball, now there’s a life-altering lesson to share. Needless to say, when I read that his mother was praying that the Jewish hip-hop manager would not be their ticket to fame and fortune, I cringed. But to learn that Justin has a swagger coach…for what…to give his prepubescent genital area some Elvis action…well…I… Read More »

Here is what I cannot stand about the liberal media. That you have a certified jerk and admitted Oxycontin addict like Rush Limbaugh, rushed off to the hospital while on his Christmas vacation, admitting to the medical crews that he was taking drugs for his back problems. That old excuse? Where are all the conflicting reports? Where are the many spoofs on his drug addiction? Where is that hospital report? If this was any other well-known person (I hate to call him a celebrity because he is so gross), it would be all over the tabloids. But yoo hoo…must you… Read More »

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTWkNbjZyDc Produced by Image Loading for IMW-TV.… Read More »

Plans, schmans. I tend to not go out on New Year’s Eve after so many years of going out. Plenty of fun was had over the years, but as rigor-mortis sets in, I have embraced the solitude, perhaps a friend or two and a sister or two to share the tidings has been the deal as of late. This year, I was invited to a small gathering, which was actually a great option. Car service to and fro, being with my good friend in town from Los Angeles, we rarely are in the same timezone on New Year’s. All the… Read More »

Everyone is doing their Year in Review…why can’t I? Every news station, cable or otherwise, newspaper, magazine, website, you name it…it’s recap central. We are being accosted by The Year’s Best, The Year’s Worst, The Top Ten Movies, The Top Ten CNN Heroes, The Top Thirteen Tiger Woods Hookers, you name it, there’s a list going on. Well, I am not special, I want to do one also. So, join me as we sing Auld Lang Syne here at I Mean…What?!? and close out our (barely) first year since birthin’ the baby (not be confused with the Birther Movement). Herewith… Read More »

When Alphonse Karr said, “The more things change, the more they remain the same”, he must have had a vision of the United States, circa 2009. At a time when we are most in need of change (hey, I thought that was going to happen with the Obama Administration, but what do I know), we are just stagnantly maintaining the status quo, in light of our misgivings. The turn of events since the attempted terrorist attack on Christmas in which Barack Obama finally moseyed over to a microphone to make a poorly written and delivered speech about the “evil doers”,… Read More »