“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Come 2012, if Sarah Palin has her druthers, the White House will once again be just that, white. But not just white, we’re talkin’ really, really white. Alaska snow white. Pre-Lyndon B. Johnson Civil Rights Movement white. Her first day in office she will make some cockadoodle proclamation, “We need a woman in the White House to clean up the mess of that last administration.” Can’t you just hear it now? The irony will be that a white woman is cleaning up after black people. I wonder if she will do windows. The new First Family will be very innovative.… Read More »

Witches and warlocks have been the focus of this last election cycle. But it really all started with that Witchy Woman, Sarah Palin and her daughter Bristol. Come on…don’t you think they have America under their spell? Let’s face it, Christine O’Donnell rounds out the Three Witches from Shakespeare’s Macbeth and you can just see them together in a room, complete with cauldron, plotting. “Double, double, toil and trouble.” Say what you want, but for Bristol Palin to still be on Dancing With The Stars, all clutsy and annoying, there has to be some truth here. When Sarah showed up… Read More »

Now that’s a coupling made in heaven. One desperate, unwed, teen mother, Bristol Palin, who uses the media to compete with her skanky ex-baby daddy, Levi Johnston, coupled with The Situation, a Staten Island goombah who is the most talked about character second to Snooki from MTV’s Jersey Shore. Coupling? Yes…because they will both be on Dancing With The Stars. Well, they won’t be dancing with each other…but trust me…we will see plenty of paparazzi shots of those two leaving the DWTS studio. So, what ever happened to Bristol Palin’s public relations business? Guess she decided to become her own… Read More »

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category,… Read More »

My head is spinning from the announcement of Bristol Palin’s new public relations firm that has launched called BSMP LLC. Since you asked, that stands for Bristol Sharon Marie Palin Lascivious Lame Crapola. Bristol has become the spokes-model for Candie’s Foundation against teenage pregnancy and abstinence, not that she would know anything about any of that. But besides the point, what next step is there for the teenage mother, really? Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Palin compound (nee house) as they sat around trying to figure out next steps in world domination on the heels… Read More »

Move over Marc Jacobs, Brandon Maxwell and Raf Simmons because the KKK debuts its ready-to-wear collection @NYFW. Will Anna Wintour sit front row? The White House has requested front row seats for Melania Trump, while Ivanka Kushner has refused to attend in solidarity with her Jewish husband, Jared, the nebbish.… Read More »

Taking bets on who will win Gross Baboon of the Year?… Read More »

I have two words for the Women’s Movement: Christine Quinn! During the Golden Age of Hollywood women were heralded and revered but with that era long gone, women needed new roles models if they were to ever break from the confines of their traditional place in society. When Bella Abzug, Betty Freidan, Gloria Steinem and Helen Gurley-Brown entered the cultural landscape, there seemed to be hope for the role of women in politics and media that made the tireless work of the Suffragettes begin to finally pay off. Then Helen Reddy roared, Joan Baez claimed her place in the cosmic… Read More »

So help me if they cast Tom Hanks as General Petraeus, I will scream. Paula Broadwell could be cast by Diane Lane, since she wishes she were her, and Jill Kelley can be played by Kim Kardashian. Well if the illicit sex fits…… Read More »

Donald Trump and this orangutan go to the same hair stylist. Hence, his new nickname is Donald “The Orange-utan” Trump instead of Donald “Orange” Trump.… Read More »