“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

So help me if they cast Tom Hanks as General Petraeus, I will scream. Paula Broadwell could be cast by Diane Lane, since she wishes she were her, and Jill Kelley can be played by Kim Kardashian. Well if the illicit sex fits…… Read More »

Look, I am by no means a prude, but have you seen the new campaign to promote the Miss USA pageant? Donlad Trump‘s properties have just had a major Victoria’s Secret overhaul. The marketing campaign just launched and all 51 contestants have traded in their pageant hair and cornball, prom gowns for that skanky, Gross Baboon of the Year look that all of Tiger Woods‘ skanks share. Now, I am all for racy, but didn’t Carrie Prejean…nutbag hypocrite extraordinaire…get chastised for being a skank? Will this new pageant action shift the talent portion of the evening? Will we see Fellatio?… Read More »

Yesterday, I mentioned that Karl Lagerfeld thinks that only thin people can pull off the Underwear as Outerwear Look that has seized every collection. I received a note from one of my lovely I Mean…What?!? readers. She goes by the name Marketing, and she referred to an old story I did, Underwear is the New Outerwear.  Marketing agrees with Karl Lagerfeld and also says, “Many stylish women are wearing more corsets, matched with skirts or pants. Sometimes they even wear one over a simple blouse.” Really? Naturally I was intrigued. My new, dear best friend, Marketing was kind enough to… Read More »

Here’s a game that we can all play together. It’s pretty easy. I will show you a picture followed by a few statements. You select the answer that best fits the person/people and the situation. Easy and fun! A) Now what are we gonna do? B) Look, we’ve gotten this far, surely some stupid publicity scam will keep us in the public eye. C) All of the above. A) One sex tape, even sex tapes. What’s the difference? B) These boobs are all I have left. C) I should have lied to Perez Hilton, God damn it. D) All of… Read More »

Awww. The poor little babies (a.k.a tragic media whores) that think they are all that and a bag of chips by virtue of their being tracked by the tabloid news. You have to love these people for they know not who they are. They only know who they think they are. Then we also have the people who’s media-driven projects that got all sorts of hype but alas, did not live up to the expectations. Cheer up because you have been graced with the honor of being on the I MEAN…WHAT?!? LAST FIVE MINUTES OF FAME LIST. It’s a great… Read More »

Some days there are a slew of silly stories that are worth commenting on. This is one of those days. There is no real theme, no rhyme, no reason. Well, surely there is no reason for these people to be in the news, but since they are, hello fodder. NEWSFLASH!!! Carrie Prejean and Sarah Palin have become friends since the ‘I hate gays (except my mother) speech’. Birds of a feather. NEWSFLASH!!!  Carrie Prejean confesses to sex tape on Sean Hannity’s FOX-TV News Show: “It was the biggest mistake of my life-ish.” To read past installments of The Nobody News,… Read More »

All the News About Nobodies That’s Fit to Print. This surely has become one of my favorite I Mean What?!? entries. The phenomenon that is “People in the News” has been so watered down, that we are now desensitized to actual news about people that are really interesting. Anyway, I’ve explained The Nobody News countless times. It’s just a fact of life that the fast lane is so crowded with wanna be’s.… Read More »

OMG…IMW…Just when you thought it was safe to come out of the closet, both literally and figuratively, comes yet another fashion week that tops ‘em all. It is called Couture Fashion Week, which happens while New York Fashion Week is under way yet, does not get the attention is deserves. Before I get too bitchy, there is technical mastery in many of these pieces shown by a baker’s dozen of designers. However, the overall presentation feels tranny galore. NEWSFLASH: Johnna Escobedo, who works in my office, was at dinner the other night and couldn’t help overhearing a group of really… Read More »

And now, for your viewing pleasure, the 2nd edition of Last Five Minutes Of Fame ®, the new weekly installment of people that truly belong on this list. With a nod to Andy Warhol, being on “the list” puts members of this most exclusive club in the center of the media glare…kind of like a deer in the headlights just before…KABOOM. One can’t help feeling sorry for them since they mean so well, not as in well-meaning, rather, mean so well to be famous, not matter what, at any cost, uber alles. The great thing about the Last Five Minutes… Read More »

There are certain people that are permeating the airwaves that make me say more than I MEAN…WHAT?!? They are a combination of all-wrong, void of social consciousness, and truly annoying. I pray for them to fade into the sunset (’cause I am so spiritual), but that doesn’t seem to help. Someone needs to put them out of their media-blaring misery. So, I’ve started the I MEAN…WHAT?!? Hit List. No, I do not wish them death…rather…complete and everlasting obscurity. Ohmmmmm.… Read More »