“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

What do Mitt Romney and Donald Trump have in common? Correct. They are both Gross Baboons, for different reasons, yet gross nonetheless. This has been a busy week for The Orange Donald since his television show the Celebrity Apprentice crowned Arsenio Hall the biggest ass-kisser to The Truupmeister. The way Arsenio talked with a bow in his voice to Donald begging for the job was reminiscent of that old…well, I am not going to say it because I will get stoned…. and not in the kind of way that I like. But you get my point. If cow towing to… Read More »

Bummer! AMI, that high-brow publisher news sources such as the Star and Radar Online have backed off the Kardashian Khronicle. Just when I was so looking forward to curling up in my leopard print, fire-retardant Kardashian Snuggie from Sears to catch up on all the lovely (fake) stories that Kris Jenner wanted me to read. Shucks, back to Joan Didion and Chelsea Handler. The news is that Kris was acting like the Momager Bitch From Hell and demanded 100% control of editorial content. “AMI chief David Pecker made it clear that there was no way he was going to tell… Read More »

Alas poor Donald… I knew him when he was white.… Read More »

Remember Joey Lawrence from Blossom? Yes, he was a cutie but now, look at him. Dyed black hair with shoe polish and clearly desperate for a paying gig. Joey, (out of obscurity), came to the defense of  Donald “Orange” Trump about how right he is about stuff. Well, clearly, the Celebrity Apprentice has been renewed for 3 seasons, and Donald Trump is NOT going to run for President and Joey Lawrence will be in the next season’s line-up. If I am wrong, sue me, but wanna bet?… Read More »

NEWS UPDATE (April Fools, no joke) – Before you read yesterday’s story, the big story today is that Donald Trump will get a “morning chat” kind of spot on Fox News, during Fox and Friends. Bold, brash and never bashful is his slogan. Hot. He will appear every Monday, kind of like a Monday morning quarterback. (MARCH 31, 2011) – Anyone that cannot see that Donald Trump is taking the birther stance in regards to Barack Obama does not understand the politics of the Nielsen Ratings. Donald Trump has no interest whatsoever in becoming President of the United States. The… Read More »

We knew that Rachel Uchitel would not fade into the woodwork forever after taking the alleged millions of dollars from Tiger Woods in exchange for shutting her uber-collagen enhanced lips about their illicit sexual affair. The good news is, who needed her to tell us anything, my sources told me plenty. In particular, Tiger would demand sex AT LEAST three or four times a day, that she would have to drop what she was doing and run to his side…no questions asked. Clearly, the slogan “Tiger in his tank” has new meaning. Woodsy also preferred a different orifice each time,… Read More »