“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of Elizabeth Taylor In Vain When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the Fifteen Commandments, as depicted in Mel Brooks‘ History of the World Part 1, there were five commandments that never saw the light of day. (Watch this short clip to learn about this little known biblical fact in Exodus 20:2–17.) httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5aO7sswvJo Anyhoo, one of those laws as commanded by the Lord himself was: Thou shalt not take the name of Elizabeth Taylor in vain. Sadly, we have become a society not dissimilar to those Israelite hedonists running rampant in the desert,… Read More »

Here’s a game that we can all play together. It’s pretty easy. I will show you a picture followed by a few statements. You select the answer that best fits the person/people and the situation. Easy and fun! A) Now what are we gonna do? B) Look, we’ve gotten this far, surely some stupid publicity scam will keep us in the public eye. C) All of the above. A) One sex tape, even sex tapes. What’s the difference? B) These boobs are all I have left. C) I should have lied to Perez Hilton, God damn it. D) All of… Read More »

Two snaps up to Katy Perry for landing uber-hottie, Baptiste Giabiconi during Paris Fashion Week. Now that is a solid ‘fuck you’ to her ex-nudnik, Russell Brand, a pairing was nauseating from the star. Eswpecially with their two-thousand-day wedding in India minutes after they met. That was kind of a PR scam coupling along the lines of the Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Maybe I am being too harsh on Katy. Not to be out-shined, Russell Brand also snagged a model toot suite. Some Canadian slag that ran to chat with Life & Style magazine. “He’s amazing, so funny; he’s… Read More »

Throughout all this talk of the debt ceiling, the Republicans are now officially beginning to look like cartoon characters. The release of The Smurfs movie frames this debate in a very insightful way. Will these weirdly colored creatures survive their situations? Oh, I am talking about the orange folks in the Republican party, lead by John Boehner. He and Donald Trump are like the Tom & Jerry of orange blabbermouths. Nothing would be more genius than if John Boehner started crying over this process, caught on tape. The tension must be so thick in his chamber, that you can cut… Read More »

Far be it from me to be a buzz kill, however, last time I checked we were still in the middle of two wars. Though the Afghanistan debacle is kind-of top-of-mind, we still have the Iraq situation, which gets very little media play…despite the fact that the July death toll there was the highest in two years. But, what do I know? Let’s just discuss the big news items of the day as though they are real hard-hitting news items. Hmmm, where shall I start? BREAKING NEWZZZ: Lindsay Lohan is able to smoke cigarettes while in rehab? How’s that for… Read More »