“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

I would hate to be retailer right about now. Forget the fact that the economy is still in the doldrums. Only the luxury brands are cleaning up now because Wall Streeters and their wives are shopping like they have just been told that the end of the world is really nigh. Meanwhile the rest of the world who misses shopping and spending, has been reduced to “just looking” and trying on…the poor man’s retail therapy. Brace yourself, the retail environment is about to go through yet another shift…if not slump. Google announced their foray into the schamtta business joining the ranks of Madonna, Kim Kardashian and Sarah Jessica Parker. So why not Google? I knew that Google was getting ready to launch “something major” from an acquaintance who works with their advertising agency. But as much as I tried using all my powers of persuasion, there was no way in hell she was divulging the secret. And now that the cat is out of the bag, well, I feel sorry for retailers who have to pay Madison Avenue, Fifth Avenue and Lower Broadway rents. Oh, and while we are at it Rodeo Drive, Miracle Mile, Worth Avenue…heck…Main Street, too. Boutiques.com brings to life just how easy and personalized shopping at home or work can be. Credit card companies must be dancing on the ceiling. Though if you take a closer look, it is sad how they have established a celebrity popularity contest already. I sure would hate to be Kim Raver right about now.

The Google Shopping Syndrome, a phrase psychologists will coin soon enough, will impact shopaholics the same way men obsess on downloading porn. Like Glee and American Idol, families with gather around the desktop to shop for Christmas presents to avoid being trampled to death on Black Friday. I tried shopping online but find the process frustrating and not fulfilling. I once bought a pair of Toms Shoes, you know, that guy who plays on your heart strings, like a Sally Struthers infomercial. Once they arrived, I was horrified how they made my feet looked like The Mummy meets ballet flats. Back they went. I did not care that some needy child would be deprived of a year’s worth of food, or whatever that Tom guy promises he does with each purchase of horrendous slip-ons. Whenever I see someone wearing Toms Shoes, it makes me giggle because I know that they are wearing them purely out of guilt NOT because they want to look like King Tut.