“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Help…I am drowning in a pool schmattas designed by celebrities. Someone throw me a line…and not a line designed by a celebrity. Unless you have been living under a rock, you would have noticed that a slew of celebrities have taken to multitasking, branding, adding layers to their illustrious careers by cultivating their secret childhood fantasies of becoming fashion designers. Literally every week I report on another astonishing member of this new clan of celebrities, who we can lovingly call brand whores. Every entertainment management firm is out there selling their talent to anyone that will pay anything, in an effort to brand them, which in theory, hopefully, helps their clients avoid the dreaded obscurity. Need a few examples? How about Madonna, The Olsen Twins, Kim Kardashian, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kate Moss, Nicole Richie? And let’s not forget this lovely bunch:

Avril Lavigne, don’t even start with me.
Cheryl Crow, seriously?
Nicki Hilton, is that still so?
Jessica Simpson, CFDA here we come.
Eve, no comment.
Gwen, luv hu, but prefer her music career.
Lauren Conrad, who will inspire the Real Housewives.
Mandy Moore, no comment.
Jennifer Lopez, is that still happening?
Whitney Port (every piece is a must-have)
Victoria Beckham, or is it Roland Mouret?

Next victim is Faith Hill, who just sat in as judge for the Project Runway finale last week. If an appearance on a reality show is enough to inspire you to say you have always wanted to be a designer…well…somebody help me…throw me a line…and not one designed by Ms. Hill. “If the right opportunity presents itself, I can guarantee you it would be my passion, and I would put my heart and soul into making it the best it could possibly be,” Faith recently said to Associated Press. “I would design for the women I know and their kids … busy moms with great style.” So here’s what I am scratching my head about…the opportunity breeds the passion? I always thought it was the other way around. Ms. Hill’s philosophy is kind of like the chicken and the egg theory, just a little less clear. Every designer I know has it in their blood…it is their life’s work…their mission. It makes me wonder if Faith Hill‘s music career happened the same way. So, she never sang a song, but the Grand Ole Opry banged on her door one night and said, “Faith Hill, how would you like the opportunity to sing with Minnie Pearl on the Grand Ole Opry stage on Saturday night?” Hence launching her career? I am confused. All I am saying is that Faith is beautiful and hopefully will stick to her singing career. Hey, do what your hubby Tim McGraw does, act in movies. But please, leave the designing to designers. And that goes for most of the aforementioned celebrities.