“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Shutter at the thought. Over the past ten years, retailers became drunken sailors, opening stores like they were going out of business. Well, you know what I mean. But it was the act of opening so many doors that they are now faced with the perception that they are failing miserably. In an effort to keep their heads above water, they have no choice but to shut down these superfluous outlets. The list is pretty serious.

Saks Fifth Avenue is closing five department stores this year and the CEO hints that there might be more than that. They are experiencing a modest success with Saks Off Fifth, which is their discount outlet chain. And you tell me that Gilt isn’t contributing to the tarnishing of the Saks brand. Convince yourself I am wrong.

French Connection is closing 17 stores…but…then again…who was keeping track of their growth and have you ever purchased anything from them?

American Eagle is closing 28 stores. Boo hoo. Again…how many pairs of baggie cargo pants can this country peddle?

Bebe is closing 48 doors. At least now we know that the trashy look might be waning. Let’s here it for the Peter Pan collar.

Men’s Warehouse is closing a reported 50 – 60 stores. Might I suggest all 60? Who needs more boxy, style-less suits anyway?

Abercrombie & Fitch will shutter 60 locations. I am sure the bedbug debacle is not the main reason, but let’s face it…the best thing about A & F is Bruce Weber‘s photography. And that does not a mall store make flourish. Clearly not in the long haul.

Charming Shoppes…that, which scary people shop in…plans to shut down as many as 120 stores. Lane Bryant fatties will have to shop at K-Mart & Target, keeping America fat and un-stlylish.

Blockbuster…oy…those poor darlings are closing 500 plus stores. Talk about the end of an era.