This is the least interesting update on the planet Earth. Earlier I wrote about the pending homosexual announcement of a major star on the cover of People magazine. Well, TMZ, (Lord knows they are the go-to site for realness) is claiming that they have solved the mystery and the person coming out of the closet is none other than…drum roll please…Chely Wright. Who? Chely Wright. Who? Chely Wright. You are kidding me that someone with such limited national appeal is making this tragic, overblown PR scam. Chely Whatever-Her-Name-Is is a friggen country western singer. Now, if she was coming out in the new magazine People Country, that’s one thing. But for her and her publicist to think that anyone is going to give a damn, and for that matter what she does ever again on Earth, including singing…think again. People better not have paid her more than one dime for this abomination, because if that is the case, they were hoodwinked. When Tom Cruise finally comes out, then I think that’s gonna be a big story for People. But besides him or Oprah….fotz.
HERE IS THE ITEM FROM EARLIER THIS WEEK…
There is some big hub-bub publicity scam in the winds related to a celebrity coming out of the closet on the cover of People magazine on May 5. The poetic decision to come out on Cinco de Mayo might mean that the mystery queen or mystery dyke might need to slam a couple of margaritas, fast, which makes perfect sense. Whoever this person is that hired Howard Bragman (15 Minutes Public Relations…if that) to make a mockery of their sexual preference can only mean that they are either:
A) Hard up for cash.
B) Looking for meaningful gay roles.
C) Looking for meaningful straight roles.
D) Looking for easy hook-ups.
E) All of the above.
The last time we had such a flurry of coming out-ness was in April 1997 when Ellen DeGeneres outed herself on the cover of Time magazine. Have we not evolved since then? Is coming out of the closet cover story news…still? Or just little kernels of dish for the blogosphere? What is so disheartening about this hoopla is that people are actually caring about who is coming out. And boy, wait till we see all the backlash, no matter who it is. There should be no judgment related to coming out because it is such a personal culmination. I just pity the celebrity that feels they are best served by slamming their puss on the cover of a magazine as opposed to just living their life with quiet dignity. And then if the press picks up on it…so be it. The gay community has several positive role models like Doogie Howser Neil Patrick Harris and Rosie O’Donnell. And after all this hub-bub…this better be a good celebrity or my list of choices above would be really, sadly obvious. And while we’re at it, truth be told, though Lindsay Lohan is a piece of work, she did not shy away from her love for Samantha Ronson…as psychotic as that relationship seemed. Lindsay never sold her coming out story to the media. Bad mouth her all you want, but that is the fact. So, let’s just see who comes marching out of the closet next week on the eve of my birthday. I do hope their little plan pays off for them really. Because we all know how hard it is to hedge your bets.