Lindsay Lohan vs Brooke Mueller: Celebrity Smackdown

May 13, 2013Gross Baboons
What these two Adderall addicts need is a swift kick.

What these two Adderall addicts need is a swift kick.

Lindsay Lohan and Brooke Mueller are together at the Betty Ford Clinic. Birds of a feather. Two of the tackiest hags that have relentlessly bitten the hands that feed them are sequestered in Rancho Mirage and Lord knows would it be fun to be a fly on the wall for a few minutes. Longer than that would be painful. Lindsay has threatened to escape the court ordered rehab due to the fact that the doctors @BettyFordCenter are not letting her do drugs. “No Adderall for you!” With @LindsayLohan stealing all of the celebrity thunder from wanna-be @BrookeMueller, one can imagine the following scene:


LINDSAY enters, yawning as though she has just woken up. Brooke is attentively watching the television screen taking notes. LINDSAY observes and grabs the clicker, changes channel.

BROOKE: Hey, I was watching that.
LINDSAY: Taking notes on the Jodi Arias case? That’s pathetic.
BROOKE: She is one smart cookie.
LINDSAY: Smart? Are you dumb? She’s been found guilty in the first degree.
BROOKE: She was smart enough to kill the guy.
LINDSAY: (Screams to attendant) I gotta get out of here. Where is my Adderall. I need my Adderall.
BROOKE: Don’t hold your breath. We’re trapped here.
LINDSAY: I’m a celebrity, I will get what I want.
BROOKE: You self involved piece of shit. Who do you think told Charlie to give you that money to pay Uncle Sam?
LINDSAY: Not you surely. You and your mom would steal the lollypop out of your kids’ mouths for a dollar.
BROOKE: Your mom is out there spinning her bullshit and using you all the way.
LINDSAY: Don’t you dare talk shit about my mother.
BROOKE: Your mother is shit.


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