Mistresses Anonymous: 12 Steps For Whatever Ails You

Jul 17, 2010Breaking Newzzz

A while back I wrote a piece for The Huffington Post called Mistresses Anonymous. The inspiration for the article was in response to an item in Page Six about Jamie Jungers, the first in a series of hookers from Tiger Woods fame. Anyhoo, the gist was that Jamie was trying to hook up (for lack of a better term) with Sarah Symonds, the ex-hussy who Gordon Ramsey dilly-dallied (or is it diddle-daddled) with for seven years. Sarah had started a 12 Step Program called Mistresses Anonymous in an effort to help those who are powerless over rich, older men. Gotta love that. Granted, she was clearly beyond clueless to stick it out with him for that long…but hey…we all make mistakes in matters of the heart. Anyhoo, the story goes that Sarah read my piece in the Huff Po and Facebooked me. (SIDE BAR: Is Facebooked a word now, like Googled?)

The point  being…one thing led to another and Sarah was in New York on business, (no, not monkey business, she is retied from that) earlier this year. We sat down, rather, laid down in bed at the Hotel Gansevoort for an IMW-TV interview. To read the original article, click here.


Produced by Image Loading for IMW-TV.

The 12 Steps of Mistresses Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over unavailable men–that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Powerful man would make us feel complete and could restore our checkbook.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the rich, older, married man…even if we had to give head.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of the wife, that bitch, she doesn’t even give him head.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, to our girlfriends over Cosmopolitans the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have the wife removed from this Earth.
7. Humbly asked Him to give me a condo and a monthly allowance or I would tell the wife, rather than admit our shortcomings
8. Made a list of all past relationships of married men, and became willing to make amends to all the wives, now that we had great worldly possessions.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others, or get our eyes scratched out.
10. Continued to take personal inventory of all the jewels and gifts and when we were wrong promptly sold them.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us, and the power to land another Sugar Daddy.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other mistresses, realizing what a bunch of hopeless fools they are.

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