“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Are you ready folks? The reality showdown begins. Move over Bravo and all your overly Botoxed, Nine West wearing Real Housewives of New York City, Atlanta, Orange County, Washington DC, Beverly Hills, New Jersey and where else…oh…right…No Where Special. The New York Times reports on the new show in town that is poised to take those bitches down. Geritol presents Sunset Daze, a reality show starring 900 year old women who call themselves The Hos’s. (Yikes.) Not sure what the men on this show refer to themselves as…except, maybe, just happy to be alive. Sunset Daze, set in a retirement village in Surprise, Arizona, makes its debut on Wednesday night and pushes every button as it tries to hold its own in the boozy, oversexed reality TV genre. The first episode deals with vibrators and going “commando”. Are you breching yet? ‘Cause I sure am. Like I need to see low swinging breasts after a ride on their rubber thingie? Feh! Nails on a chalkboard is more appealing. The WE Network positions this series as The Golden Girls meets Jersey Shore. Whereas I like to call it, Lawrence Welk meets The Hills. Wouldn’t it be genius if they cast Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag‘s grandparents? OMG as in O MY GRANDPARENT. Anyhoo, Sunset Daze proves that all you need to be is…literally…alive…and you, too, can have a reality show. Let’s meet some of the cast, shall we:

Gail Liebowitz, a retired New York actress with candy apple-colored hair in a giant flip (styled by her (you think he is gay) son, calls the look “Lesley Gore on crack”), has high hopes for the series. It’s going to be a hit, she said over lunch, “I can feel it in my bones.” Her son, Cary, quickly interjects, “That’s your arthritis, Ma”.

Jack Zells, 72, goes by Mr. Romeo, rides a stunt plane — something that results in projectile vomiting. “Maybe in the second season they can ask me to do something easy, like unscramble an egg,” he said.

A sassy blonde named Sandy Miracle-Jones, whose nickname is Hi Ho. This 68-year-old widow goes on dates when she is not busy drinking wine. (Her line is a “I’ll have a double pinot grigio.”)

LaWanda Price, 74, a California retiree who moved to Surprise and took up dancing. She goes by the nickname Hot Legs.

Sunset Daze is sure to be a smash hit. Upcoming episodes will undoubtedly deal with issues like hip replacement surgery, hernia operations and dentures. I am surprised that CBS didn’t pick this series up. Am DVR-ing as we speak. But does anyone know what channel the WE Network is on?