“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

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Yesterday, I announced my newest nominee for Gross Baboon of the Year with the news of Jesse James and his uber-skank Michelle “Bombshell” McGee (a.k.a. Skanky McGee, in my book). But the competition continues to be fierce for that award. Today, it’s all about Joslyn James, from the quorum of bosomy broads who diddled with Tiger Woods‘ doodle…or is it doodled with his diddle. Actually, neither, if you go by the salacious texts that poor, little victim of poontang, Joslyn endured…then released to the media…really?!? Who can feel sorry for anyone that makes choices with open eyes and hires someone… Read More »

Just got back from Miami after an amazingly restful few days of R & R at the Fontainebleau Hotel. You would not believe the digs we stayed in. We were VIP Serviced to the tits into this beyond beyond penthouse. Not just some lame-ass penthouse suite. I am talking 4,000 square feet of stunning, with 20 foot ceilings, where Lady Gaga stayed when she was down there performing at LIV Nightclub for New Year’s Eve. Check out the view from the massive palais. Then check out this other view…yes…our humble abode stretched the length of the entire Tresor building. Move… Read More »

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Call me Frito-Lays. Call my sister Hershey’s. Call yourself Dell. Get the drift? In this age of globalization, internet marketing, reality television, and corporate takeovers we are all becoming a brand…one by one. No longer are we allowed to just flourish, we must apply the rules of corporate market-speak to every aspect of our lives. It’s tragic, really, because now you don’t know what is real and what is pre-fabricated to seem real. Don’t get me wrong, if I Mean…What?!? has to apply these rules of engagement in order to move forward towards monetization (did I just use that…HELP!) then,… Read More »

Remember when the Oscars meant something? Families would gather round their one television set, snacks piled high. It was the signature event of the movie industry, when actors still held a mystique because they were so inaccessible. Their lifestyles were imagined rather than paraded for the media, only few would speak out in support of injustices or charitable causes and we were kept at arms length from knowing too much what went on behind closed doors. Boy has that all changed. Now, we know so much about everyone that is nominated for each award, that by the time the Oscar… Read More »

I have been waiting for someone to break the story about the Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller sex scandal for weeks. My source told me all the salacious dish about their drug-induced, hyper-active sexcapades but asked me not to share it with my lovely readers. Well, now that RadarOnline has done so, I am happy to spill what I know. First of all, when the Christmas interlude between the two of them went down, there was something amiss about the whole incident. With twin babies nestled in their beds on Christmas eve, what could have possibly been going on downstairs… Read More »

Is the world bored? Whoever is interested in how Naomi Campbell treats her staff, please raise your hand. And with your raised hand, look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Why do I care whether Naomi Campbell whooped her limo driver or not?” And that the New York City police are looking for her is beyond me? Exactly how many cops have been assigned to this case? Or better yet, is this a job for Super-Cuomo? Now that Andrew Cuomo is investigating the alleged physical abuse case involving David Johnson, Governor Paterson’s crony, and Sherr-una Booker, why not add this… Read More »

So here you go….the riveting news…the following people will be on Dancing With The Stars. Starting with the most riveting women on Earth. Kate Gosselin. Next up is Buzz Aldrin. Yes, that Buzz Aldrin, the man on the moon circa 1969, and currently a fixture on the Beverly Hills social scene. One of my favorite people, Shannen Doherty is going to grace that stage of DWTS and do them the favor of the century. And here we have the obligatory sports star, Chad Ochocinco. And can you believe Jake Pavelka from The Bachelor is going to be on that show?… Read More »

Remember Christmas? So much drama happened this past holiday, and I don’t mean your traditional family dinner with cursing and yelling and depression. That is child’s play compared to the near fatal plane crash by terrorist slash underwear model Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab. And what about that nativity scene at the Charlie Sheen mansion in Aspen when Chuckles was charged with a felony menacing and misdemeanor assault after he allegedly attacked his wife, Brooke Mueller. He was reported to be drunk at the time. Who can wrap their minds around either of those situations? There are eery likenesses to the… Read More »