“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

The Energizer Bunny of the Tea Party, Sarah Palin, is in Israel, scraping around for votes. Votes you say? Jews don’t favor the Tea Party. True, true. But Evangelical Christians love Israel, after all, it is the birthplace of their reason for living. So, Sarah has scheduled this smoke and mirrors, Papal-like visit to Israel to con appease her right wing zealot following. Attention K-Mart Shoppers: Sarah “Cross-Hair” Palin is not ready to concede her bid for the presidency over to Michele “Cross-Eyed” Bachmann. Not without a good, old-fashioned, smack down, cat fight, a la Crystal Carrington and Alexis Colby… Read More »

They screw up the words. Christina Aguilera has been chastised for messing up a few words in The National Anthem. Big friggen deal. It sure beats screwing up the high notes. Meanwhile several states away, Sarah Palin did her usual spewing of nonsense comparing the Obama Administration to the old ad that Hillary Clinton ran about “It’s 3:00 Am, bla bla bla”. What’s great about Sarah Palin is that she loves guns so much, that she has taken to shooting herself in the foot every time she makes a public appearance. She has become her own moose. Speaking of words,… Read More »

Don’t you love people who shoot themselves in the foot? I sure do. It makes me very happy and few things make me very happy. Like a Percocet and a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. Or watching the snow fall from my bedroom window, which overlooks downtown Manhattan. Red Carpet arrivals make me happy, too, and last night’s SAG Awards was no exception. Winner is Mila Kunis. Let’s hear it for Alexander McQueen‘s busiest week. But in the case of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, their perfunctory need to yattle off at the mouth–spewing Tea Party nonsense–well,… Read More »

Sarah Palin‘s favorite Beatles song has to be Happiness Is A Warm Gun. This woman is so at home slaughtering animals, imagine how war mongery she would become if given the chance to be President of the United States. She would immediately be all guns blazing in Yemen. Yes, that place is a hot bed for terrorist, and who knows how to deal with those zealots. But surely, two zealots do not make a right. Or is it, two zelots from the right are all wrong? Sarah Palin is a Kim Jong-Il-type waiting to happen. An egomaniac coupled with Tea… Read More »

Of course Sarah Palin is obsessed with the notion of “death panels”. She coined the phrase, is single-handedly trying to keep the negative energy alive and in fact, is killing every animal in her path. So look in the mirror lady, because you are the death panel.… Read More »

No, I will not be watching Sarah Palin’s Alaska, a.k.a The Real Housfrau of Wasilla tonight. Will you? Let’s face it, those who tune into watch that down-market, animal killer will surely be enthralled with her phony “Gotcha (wink) Crap” . In a decidedly calculated move to engage the lowest common denominator of television viewers, Sarah Palin is doing a reality show while her promiscuous daughter Bristol Palin continues (not sure how) to flash her tits on Dancing With The Stars. This is all part of the diabolical plot to have the clueless American public fall madly in love with… Read More »

Last night’s debate between Delaware Senate hopefuls Christine O’Donnell and Chris Coons was as good as television gets, politically speaking. Who would have thunk that a face-off for the Delaware Senate would be the most talked about debate since Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? Any way you slice it, this was riveting television and what made it entertaining was O’Donnell’s facial reactions anytime Coons opened his mouth. We are at a moment in history where inconsequential people are setting the tone for the future of our democracy. If you string together Christine O’Donnell’s television appearances from her days on Bill… Read More »

There’s something fishy going on here. My guess is that the unexpected news of the pending nuptials between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston is really just a ruse and not even true. The whole story is a publicity scam generated out of Sarah Palin‘s office. Well, seeing that her publicist is Bristol Palin, BSMP, LLC, the idea was to show the world just how forgiving and generous Sarah Palin is. And given the sensitive, personal nature of this matter, Sarah will come off as a magnanimous force of nature, hence a great candidate for the Presidency in 2012. Here’s how… Read More »

The news of Sarah Palin‘s seemingly larger breasts almost overtook the BP Oil Spill as the most talked about item of the week. Once again, it shows how deep the American conscience runs. Dead birds…awww…can’t deal. Big, shiny new breasts…let’s discuss and re-Tweet. We must stop trying to act like the leaders of the free world when all we can think about are tits and ass. Our obsession with body parts has tainted our ability to see the forest from the trees. Or the war and the peace, frankly. To my point: Every men’s magazine has actresses in skanky positions,… Read More »

Let it be said that I Mean…What?!? called the Sarah Palin reality television show on June 12, 2009. So it was written, and so it shall be done. Today the Huffington Post reports that Sarah Palin and Mark Burnett are in cahoots with each other to bring you more endless nonsense from Wasilla. Here’s my next prediction, Mark Burnett becomes the leading campaign adviser for Sarah. This reality show will be the vehicle to slam her into the White House in 2016. Well, surely not 2012. I don’t care how many Tea Parties she hosts. And if I am right…which… Read More »