“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Awwww, poor Michelle Bachmann. She’s running neck and neck with the losers Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman for Biggest Loser in recent polls. Now, look, I am the first one to call that woman a crackpot and her gay husband Marcus Bachmann, a closet case. But to refresh your memory, I started the Michelle Bachmann for President campaign in May (see below), knowing full well that she guarantees Barack Obama’s second term. Well, I am still happy to support Bachmann for President. Please join me. Listening to old bug eyes yattle on and on how she would stop giving food… Read More »

No one really celebrates Labor Day. Sure, we take off that Monday, but since Labor Day represents the end of summer and the return to school, who is celebrating? Mourning is more like it. Since kindergarten, the “End of Summer Stomach Ache” began on the Sunday afternoon before Labor Day. Though I am generations away from school age, this year I am sick to my stomach a few hours earlier than usual. Between the economic news and the political climate, I am nauseous from what I see and hear. According to Wikipedia: Labor Day became a federal holiday in 1894,… Read More »

Now that the S & P has downgraded our credit rating, I would like to mention that this is the same organization that approved all the credit swaps and hanky panky that lead to the demise of the Free World as we know it. The Standard & Poor (whose name is apropos) took this position based on our contentious political theater during the debt ceiling debate. This is unprecedented and shocking because those who sit in judgment shall not judge. And if the Lord didn’t actually say that, well, he did now. With the downgrade in place, the Democrats, yes,… Read More »

Now that Anthony Weiner has resigned and will soon vanish from the headlines, as the paparazzi and all the haters melt into the sunset leaving him and Huma alone to redefine their relationship, should Weiner still attend Horndogs Anonymous? Let’s face it, there is a 12 Step Program for every possible ailment, from Narcotics, Marijuana, Food, Sexual Compulsives, you name it. See the A-List below from Wikipedia. For some reason, however, Horndogs Anonymous was not included onto their list, probably because there are so few members. I started HA around the time of the Tiger Woods Skank-a-thon, making Tiger the… Read More »

Frankly, I am breching (vomiting in Yiddish). First of all, I am so over thinking about the sexual escapades of our politicians. It is just nauseating. Like I want to see Anthony Weiner‘s bare chest plastered across my 24″ monitor first thing in the morning? I almost puked…and I’m gay. I have never been a fan of tiny nipples and am still not. Especially when the nipples belong to the person who is supposed to be setting an example in our society. Remember when Obama was caught on camera in that bathing suit? He has tiny nipples, too. We would… Read More »

What’s with the teary goodbyes to Oprah? OK, so her afternoon chat show is going dark after 25 years, but surely Oprah is not about to pull a Greta Garbo and veer off into obscurity. Trust me, she does not want to be alone. On the contrary. Be prepared to see more of Oprah in the weeks, months and quarter centuries to come. Unless you have been living under a rock, you will know that Oprah has created her OWN Network, which is her own network, a.k.a. Oprah Winfrey Network. When you create a network like when Ted Turner started… Read More »

They screw up the words. Christina Aguilera has been chastised for messing up a few words in The National Anthem. Big friggen deal. It sure beats screwing up the high notes. Meanwhile several states away, Sarah Palin did her usual spewing of nonsense comparing the Obama Administration to the old ad that Hillary Clinton ran about “It’s 3:00 Am, bla bla bla”. What’s great about Sarah Palin is that she loves guns so much, that she has taken to shooting herself in the foot every time she makes a public appearance. She has become her own moose. Speaking of words,… Read More »

I went to a parochial school and remember one of my tougher teachers yelling at a little kid who was crying for some reason or another to, “Stop that blubbering”. No, it was not directed at me. Though I distinctly remember that the use of the word “blubbering” made me so uncomfortable because I was a chubby kid. Blubbering stings. I have not heard that term used since then, but it seems most appropriate to describe the new leaders of the Republican Party. Could you just imagine what these born again Tea Baggers, Mitch McConnell and John Boehner would say… Read More »

Roy Teeluck announced today that his eponymous hair salon, located across from the Four Seasons on E. 57th Street, will move closer to Fifth Avenue, nestled between Yves Saint Laurent and Chanel, at 5 East 57th Street. The theme of the new salon is a throwback to 1970’s glamour and will be a total beauty experience from head to toe…literally. Roy Teeluck and the salon have a diverse clientele including Olivia Palermo, Bar Refaeli, Tinsley Mortimer, Sigourney Weaver, Neve Campbell, Hillary Clinton to name a few. Check out the new website designed by Ben Lord of Soft Limit. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_YOpC4pnwI… Read More »

Three million to be exact. Is it me or has there been a massive influx of discount fashion online boutiques flooding your in-box, too. Bloggers are becoming e-commerce mavens, retailers are marking down their leftovers, Google has become the latest schmatta peddler, and every designer has launched their own e-commerce outlets…when will it end? What’s Next? A merger between Facebook and Ebay where everyone will have their own Shop page so we will never leave Facebook again? Shall we spend the rest of our time on Earth chatting with people we left behind in grade school while browsing through their… Read More »