“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

There is a fantastic article on Christwire.org called Is My Husband Gay? Clearly, this was written by a fag hag or Michele Bachmann. The slogan for Christwire is “Conservative Values for an Unsaved World”. Knowing that will help you digest the article that starts with:

Right now in America there are over 2 million couples secretly struggling with homosexuality in their marriages. Are you one of them? Are you having intimacy issues? Are you suspicious about your husband’s late night activities? Or are you oblivious to a problem that could be putting your health and the livelihood of your family at risk? Don’t tell yourself that you’re simply being paranoid without taking a closer look!

How’s that for an intro. They continue with several great on-liners.

Homosexuality can pop up at any time during a long-term relationship. Pop, as in, goes the weasel.
Homosexuality can appear later in life when men crave some escape from the monotony of careers and home life. Talk about needing a head hunter.
Same-sex experimentation is also connected to drug or alcohol abuse. No argument there.

Christwire listed 15 commonly-accepted characteristics of men struggling with homosexuality within a marriage, or 15 Ways To Leave Your Lover:

Secretive late night use of cellphones and computers. This eludes to excessive use of porn, which is so, not restricted to gay. Let me get this straight, if you found out he was obsessing on big boobs, that would be OK?
Looks at other men in a flirtatious way. You mean the way Marcus Bachmann looks at the men he is going to change?
Feigning attention in church and prayer groups. What a ridiculous barometer for homosexual tendencies. Not interested in sitting through church riddled with damnation means he has an opinion of his own.
Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home. So, what, all male Virgos are gay?
Gym membership but no interest in sports. Anything to get away from you, clearly. This does not mean he is gay. Wise, perhaps.
Clothes that are too tight and too “trendy”. Manzies are definitely bi-curious. And if your hubby likes tight jeans, then oy vey.
Strange sexual demands. That is preposterous. Sex is supposed to be hot. And if the missionary position is all you are offering, then look in the mirror as to why he wants to go elsewhere, men or otherwise.
More interested in the men than the women in pornographic films. We are so accustomed to female nude imagery. Men like to compare the size of their penises. It’s only natural.
Travels frequently to big cities or Asia. I would say this applies if the husband works at the local bank or grocery store.
Too many friendly young male friends. If he is middle-aged and has too many of those, then yes. But I would run and check your bank account while I was at it.
Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends. Uh, oh. I am definitely gay.
Love of pop culture. Are you implying that only fags like Britney Spears and Beyonce? Perhaps he was “Born This Way”.
Extroverted about his bare chest in public. Needless to say, ALL members of fraternities are out and out right gay.
Sudden heavy drinking. Gee, and here I thought that syndrome was called alcoholism. So I guess everyone in AA is gay. Fun.
Have you dated men in the past who turned out to be gay? In other words, honey, you are a practicing fag hag. You have been all your adult life. It started when you were attracted to your Ken Doll and swore to your Barbie that you were going to marry Ken one day. So there you have it… wish came true.