“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GAY WHEN…
You know what color chartreuse is.
You have used chartreuse in a sentence.
You wear chartreuse. … Read More »

A couple of months ago, I made the declaration that I was longer gay…homosexual yes…gay no. Click here to refresh your memory of the 15 plus reasons including: I don’t go to discos on weeknights, well, or most weekends for that matter. I don’t cruise the internet, just write for it. Don’t own any Diesel anything.… Read More »

Whether you are a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills or think that you are on an A-List in Dallas, which frankly is an oxymoron, don’t invite me to lunch.… Read More »

Officially, I am taking this long weekend to sit quietly and contemplate my navel. Having been invited to the beach on Long Island, it seemed like a great idea. Several weeks ago I did a piece listing the 12 reasons why I was not gay anymore, homosexual yes, gay no. Surely there are more reasons that I chose to omit from that list, but now, sitting here at the Bay Cafe in Fire Island Pines, the list grows…by the minute. Let me start by saying that I have not been out here to the Pines in over 20 years. My… Read More »

Policy shmolicy. Who wants to join a group that doesn’t let you be who you are and cultivate the best in you? Gays want to be in the military? For what? The clothes? I am confused. Are you trying to tell me that grunting along some dusty patch of Middle Eastern soil is what you really want to go for? What about shopping on Madison? Or happy hours in Chelsea (NYC). The term “gay” kicked in the 1960’s and since then, the reference to homosexuality has shifted to a light, frothy, sexy lifestyle filled with booze, drugs and dancing. No?… Read More »

One thing is getting to Hollywood; the other is staying here. You can’t just stay here in the hopes of becoming a celebrity and take a job at a bank or some other menial office job in the Valley. Heaven forbid. … Read More »

It’s hard to find humor in tragedy, especially before any healing has taken hold. But humor has always been my armor, my solace, my Woobie since I was a toddler and I needed to find my funny fast. I was crestfallen, felt so helpless and numb to the news of the day, which would go on to becoming a seminal moment. … Read More »

Clearly I am not a Jennifer Aniston fan. Not since last century when Friends was one of my favorite shows and I pined for “The Rachel” hairdo. I still do, but that is because I have no hair so I’ll take anything. No, after observing Jennifer in certain situations (lush) when I lived in Los Angeles, it took the wind of out the sail of loving Jennifer Aniston. Besides, the show was canceled by then and she changed up her hair. When she married Brad Pitt, I wondered if this was a Hollywood gay cover-up because they had the same… Read More »

Remember when Alec Baldwin allegedly threatened to leave the United States if George Bush Jr. got elected in 2000? I believe Barbra Streisand said something similar. Clearly they never left but that’s not why I am bringing this up. Rather, I am dumb struck watching and listening to the horrendous crop of candidates running for Senate and Congress. The reality that our country might be taking the kind of turn to the right…and I mean far right….I mean so far right that I can not breathe…is making me rethink living here. I lived in Los Angeles during 9-11 and it… Read More »

Nothing, besides that friggen mosque, has gotten more attention by the (clearly bored) media than the valiant stewardess, Steven Slater. Look, I am sure in his delusional mind, he had good reason to throw a hissy fit and jump out of the plane through the emergency slide. We all hit our limit at work where we just want to scream. But let’s just sit back and consider what else is at play here. After reading a few articles and reports on what really went down, let’s not eliminate the possibility that Mr. Slater could be a bit of a twit… Read More »