“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Last season I reviewed Jersey Shore and somehow this season’s review is eerily similar. Could it be because nothing has really changed besides their location? The Return to the Jersey Shore is actually a better title for season three. Do we even call them seasons? They are more like outings. Perhaps even a series of mini-series. Jersey Shore is like Roots without the class. In Thursday night’s season opener, we met an even tackier version of Snooki, her friend Deena. What can I say besides Jersey Shore is chock-full of cursing chubby people. OK, so The Situation has good abs,… Read More »

The Daily Beast features the Best of Jersey TV today. Sure, Jersey Shore, The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Jerseylicious, are fan favorites, but what do these annoying people do to represent the many other Jersey residents that are not Guidos and Guidettes? Let me tell you first hand….NOTHING. Rather than focus on the wonderful people who hail from New Jersey like Meryl Streep, Count Basie and Bruce Springsteen, we are now hyper focused on the Goombas like Snooki, Teresa Guidice and The Situation. A permanent blemish has scarred the Garden State. We can identify the turning point when… Read More »

Fortunately, I am not one of the 23 million people tuning in to watch Dancing With The Stars. Never have, never will. As far as I am concerned, it is the place where sad hags go to pasture. It is The Biggest Loser set to music. There’s nothing stars about DWTS. A star to me will always be something greater than who the media touts as being a star. Angelina Jolie is a star. Brandy is not. Robert Downey Jr. is a star, The Situation is not. Another non-star is Bristol Palin. Excuse me, but having a child out of… Read More »

Eric Wilson from The New York Times Style did a great piece on an experiment called Six Items Or Less a while back. Heidi Hackemer, an advertising executive and total groovy chic, decided to limit her wardrobe to six pieces, not including undergarments, accessories and workout gear for an entire month. She created a website and challenged friends to join her and within no time 250 people participated in the experiment, which was a massive success in that it was picked up by the mainstream media. Six Items or Less became a statement on where we are in relation to… Read More »

Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of Elizabeth Taylor In Vain When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the Fifteen Commandments, as depicted in Mel Brooks‘ History of the World Part 1, there were five commandments that never saw the light of day. (Watch this short clip to learn about this little known biblical fact in Exodus 20:2–17.) httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5aO7sswvJo Anyhoo, one of those laws as commanded by the Lord himself was: Thou shalt not take the name of Elizabeth Taylor in vain. Sadly, we have become a society not dissimilar to those Israelite hedonists running rampant in the desert,… Read More »

These two queens will star in the new Bravo car wreck, Gay Housewives of New York City. We’ve come this far only to get set way back. – GAWKER Anna Wintour must be gagging. Carine Roitfeld channels Elvira meets Bat Girl Hag. – THE CUT Kathy Griffin will literally do anything on Earth for publicity or to prove her D Listed-ness. Yes, bedazzling your hoo-ha (which IMW discovered ages ago) for cancer is honorable…but… -DLISTED Here the situation that The Situation was in. – TMZ I gotta hand it to Kim Kardashian. As much as I tend to goof on… Read More »

I have been waiting for someone to break the story about the Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller sex scandal for weeks. My source told me all the salacious dish about their drug-induced, hyper-active sexcapades but asked me not to share it with my lovely readers. Well, now that RadarOnline has done so, I am happy to spill what I know. First of all, when the Christmas interlude between the two of them went down, there was something amiss about the whole incident. With twin babies nestled in their beds on Christmas eve, what could have possibly been going on downstairs… Read More »

After that final episode of Jersey Shore, watching Snooki dance alone on the boardwalk, having been rejected by that “white guy”, then snooking up to The Situation in the hot tub and totally losing all self-respect, who wouldn’t want to see the Snooks get her day in the sun with a man that is all about her? Well, I am happy to report that she has met a guy, no less a Guido, Emilio Antonio and that she is happy as a pig in shit…or something like that. “He is freaking banging. We’re the sexiest couple I have ever seen… Read More »

The celebrity-turned designer situation has turned into a real situation and I don’t mean that “The Situation” situation, but a real situation that brings new meaning to the word situation. I just read that CAA, Creative Artists Agency, the powerhouse talent firm in Los Angeles, has jumped into the fray of the schmatta business.  Women’s Wear Daily reports today that CAA is buying into J Brand Jeans, that hot denim brand that probably grew too fast for its own britches. Since every celebrity is designing their own line of clothing or accessories, and celebrity capsule collections are falling off trees,… Read More »

OK…I am going to say it. I was dead wrong about MTV’s Jersey Shore. My proclivity to defend New Jersey and how it is represented in the media took top spot to actually sitting down and watching all three episodes. Oh, my freakin’ God is it hilarious! First of all, let me start by saying that my three favorite characters, DJ Pauly D, Snooki and Mike “The Situation” are not even from New Jersey, so all is well in the world. So, with that, I have to give props to this group of goumadas. Now, do yourself a favor and… Read More »