“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Here’s a game that we can all play together. It’s pretty easy. I will show you a picture followed by a few statements. You select the answer that best fits the person/people and the situation. Easy and fun! A) Now what are we gonna do? B) Look, we’ve gotten this far, surely some stupid publicity scam will keep us in the public eye. C) All of the above. A) One sex tape, even sex tapes. What’s the difference? B) These boobs are all I have left. C) I should have lied to Perez Hilton, God damn it. D) All of… Read More »

Now that we have gotten through New York Fashion Week, and speaking of fashion, I wonder how the filming of Sex and the City 2 is coming along. In the midst of all the mayhem and fabulousness of the week, I saw images from the set of the film and just needed to get through the shows and my doubled up work-load before I addressed them. Look, I am a gay man, so naturally I am looking forward to the sequel…or I am afraid prequel…as these images show. I love these ballsy independent woman. I can also appreciate the fawn-like… Read More »

I absolutely loved The September Issue starring Grace Coddington and Anna Wintour.  It’s the feel good movie of the summer. Anyone who walks away without rethinking Anna, has a bigger bug up their ass than she supposedly does. She is a woman obsessed with her work. Anyone that is, knows to what degree they will fight for what they think is best for the situation at hand. In this case, Anna is holding on for dear life to what may well be…the last amazing moment in fashion…perhaps never to be seen again. Did Anna have precognitive dreams about the economy… Read More »

Here’s what we know: Rome was not built in a day. Here’s what we think: The Lord created heaven and earth in 6 days. And if you believe that, then I have a plot of land in the Poconos I’d like to sell you. I mean…what’s with this 100 Days nonsense and these phony benchmarks? Obama is doing the best he can given the situation he is in. What do we–the public he is trying to help–benefit by laying on more pressure?  Sure, I know the pundits, Republicans and bloviators need something to talk about. But turning over the 100… Read More »

Now that Alan Greenspan has left the main stage, after fucking up our economy, word is from his new book, “The Age Of Turbulence” (or How I Fucked Up the World Economy) that we can gauge the state of the economy by looking at the sales of “male underpants”. I mean…what?!? Greenspan was known for his “quirky, proletariat metrics to judge the temperature of the economy”, but the male underpants thing sounds a bit kinky…no? Do you think he studied all the men’s underwear ads in an effort to garner inspiration for his economic philosophies? You know, just lay out… Read More »

One thing is getting to Hollywood; the other is staying here. You can’t just stay here in the hopes of becoming a celebrity and take a job at a bank or some other menial office job in the Valley. Heaven forbid. … Read More »

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GAY WHEN…
You know what color chartreuse is.
You have used chartreuse in a sentence.
You wear chartreuse. … Read More »

To what lengths does one have to go in order to achieve fame? It wasn’t until years later that by simply sucking on someone’s cock (Monica Lewinsky and Kim Kardashian) that the distance one had to go to achieve fame was not that far at all. The only distance they had to go…was down.… Read More »

  LAST FIVE MINUTES OF FAME is a novel novel by Abe Gurko, who stupidly believed Andy Warhol’s edict, “In the future everyone was going to be famous for fifteen minutes.” “It was 1973; I was short, fat, and four-eyed with no immediate hopes of having a life worth living. By no means was I a candidate for becoming a jet setter, and no foreseeable signs of hobnobbing with the lanky Mick Jagger, the groovy Penelope Tree or the beautiful, haunted Marianne Faithfull. Nope. Not from the barely upper middle class upbringing I was experiencing far from that madding crowd. Somehow the… Read More »

Whether you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim or all of the above, we can see a trend, and not one as good as the Little Black Dress. … Read More »