“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

It’s the weekend, and after a long ass week, the only thing I want to know or write about is cute news. Cute news are things that make you say “Awwww”. Chelsea Clinton is getting married this summer. Awwww.  Word is that she and long-time love Mark Mezvinsky will tie the knot in August in Martha’s Vineyard. Chelsea is marrying a Jewish boy. I am kvelling (Yiddish for filled with pride; mostly done by Jewish mothers when their sons become doctors). I cannot wait to see the photos of Hillary, Bill, Barak and Michelle dancing the Hora together. See how… Read More »

If I read one more article about the Big  Stupid Three, (stupid = U.S. automakers),  I am going to barf. This is not the first time these companies have been squeezed to the point of doom. Hello, the 80’s. I’ve been asking everyone if they remember the K Car, developed during the oil crisis, which crippled the industry. No one seems to have any recollection. Having been accused on many occasions of dreaming things up, I found in Wikipedia (my newest obsession) that the K Car series, which rolled out in 1981, was attributed to saving Chrysler from bankruptcy. Over… Read More »

This is a great news day for me, for all sorts of reasons. First being that the 100 Days are over and second because I can finally report that Carrie Fisher is coming to Broadway. Why am I so excited? Mostly because this town could use a good laugh. New Yorkers have got to get that stick out of their ass. So, we are having a bit of a financial set back. To quote Cher, “Snap out of it!” Carrie’s one-woman show, “Wishful Drinking” is friggen ha-larious. It’s a two-hour therapeutic, laughing session. Plus, Carrie’s my friend and I’ve seen… Read More »

There’s two things captivating the headlines. Swine Flu (you know how I stand on that issue) and Barak Obama’s 100 Days…which has now been celebrated for the 100th day. And just when you thought that there was nothing else to commemorate these 100 Days, comes fresh from the White House Press Office, 100 pictures of his 100 Days. Has anyone bought the commemorative plates yet? There’s a plate for every flush of the toilet…they are numbered…they’re amazing. Oh, and by the way, it’s not the only thing on Earth having a 100th milestone and to these other accomplishments, I’d like… Read More »

Now I have seen and heard everything. Yesterday, Air Force 1 flew over New York City, really low, scaring the beJesus out of thousands of office workers downtown who were in eye shot of this troubling visual. Buildings on both sides of the Hudson River were evacuated and many thought they were doomed. Come to find out that Air Force 1 is like Lindsay Lohan, complete with publicist. The seemingly out of control airplane being followed by a fighter jet was in the midst of a photo op for Barak Obama’s plane. I…mean…what?!? A photo op? So now everyone and… Read More »

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but the whole swine flu hysteria seems pretty iffy to me. What happened to the days when going to Mexico and coming back with Montezuma’s revenge (travel bug) was folly for the Late Night monologues? No, I am not a doctor, so take what I say with a grain of salt. But allow me to throw a couple of thoughts out there for you to mull over and then tell me you are still hiding under your couch with a face mask on. Could this be a ruse to get people off Barak Obama’s nine-trillion… Read More »

Here’s what we know: Rome was not built in a day. Here’s what we think: The Lord created heaven and earth in 6 days. And if you believe that, then I have a plot of land in the Poconos I’d like to sell you. I mean…what’s with this 100 Days nonsense and these phony benchmarks? Obama is doing the best he can given the situation he is in. What do we–the public he is trying to help–benefit by laying on more pressure?  Sure, I know the pundits, Republicans and bloviators need something to talk about. But turning over the 100… Read More »

It was inevitable. Susan Boyle was not going to stay looking like Dick Cheyney’s frazzled, long-lost, twin sister forever. Not with people pulling her from all sides. Yesterday, her new “look” was revealed and I am not convinced that it’s all that fabulous. I am a huge fan from the get-go. But when I first blogged about it I said, “not too much tinkering just yet”. Sure, a brush to the hair and some cream rinse was a must, and a subtle touch of eyebrow tweezing. But that’s it. Now with managers and agents and money-grubbing mother fuckers hoisting themsevles… Read More »

Poor Larry Summers. He has to attend endless meetings about the economy with bankers (zzzz) discussing the minutia of selling off bad debt to companies with bad debt. But, darling, wake up and smell the coffee. Literally. This photo taken yesterday (below, top left) shows just how compelling the arguments are to turn our economy around. Yowza, this is Obama’s main man? He’s our Director of National Economic Council?  Yikes. This is the guy who said women have lesser aptitude for work in the highest levels of math and science. Ladies, you can bitch slap him from here to kingdom… Read More »

There’s so much hub-bub about torture in the news these days. I’ve looked at the evidence, listened to the pundits and dickheads (Dick Cheney, who else?) and have decided that water boarding and all the other methods wouldn’t compare to what I have concocted as a far more effective and painless way to scare the bejesus out of any terrorist and get them talking.… Read More »