“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

The news of Sarah Palin‘s seemingly larger breasts almost overtook the BP Oil Spill as the most talked about item of the week. Once again, it shows how deep the American conscience runs. Dead birds…awww…can’t deal. Big, shiny new breasts…let’s discuss and re-Tweet. We must stop trying to act like the leaders of the free world when all we can think about are tits and ass. Our obsession with body parts has tainted our ability to see the forest from the trees. Or the war and the peace, frankly. To my point: Every men’s magazine has actresses in skanky positions,… Read More »

Last night I watched my first episode of The Hills. Yikes. There is not one redeemable character on that show. The way Kristin Cavallari drones on and on in Valley Girl speak makes my skin crawl. Has she been shot up with too much Novocaine? Kristin does not close her mouth to enunciate complete words. Moving on…to Brody Jenner…who is a hottie no doubt…but do you think he loves himself a bit too much? He is surely the kind of character that gets killed off early in those teen horror movies. Audrina Patridge is OK, but her choice in men,… Read More »

Are you ready folks? The reality showdown begins. Move over Bravo and all your overly Botoxed, Nine West wearing Real Housewives of New York City, Atlanta, Orange County, Washington DC, Beverly Hills, New Jersey and where else…oh…right…No Where Special. The New York Times reports on the new show in town that is poised to take those bitches down. Geritol presents Sunset Daze, a reality show starring 900 year old women who call themselves The Hos’s. (Yikes.) Not sure what the men on this show refer to themselves as…except, maybe, just happy to be alive. Sunset Daze, set in a retirement… Read More »

The reveal. Heidi Montag shows off her new body like they do at an Auto Show. – NY DAILY NEWS Engaged, enschmaged. La Liz ain’t walking down the aisle any way you slice it. – US The late night war just got more intense…Conan O’Brien will go up against Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. Think Afghanistan with giggles. – NY TIMES Demi Moore says laughter is the best way to keep from aging. That is the funniest thing I have ever heard.    – HUFFINGTON POST Elin Nordegren Woods was seen flying solo in a private plane…sans kids…crying. Yeah, crying all… Read More »

Here’s a game that we can all play together. It’s pretty easy. I will show you a picture followed by a few statements. You select the answer that best fits the person/people and the situation. Easy and fun! A) Now what are we gonna do? B) Look, we’ve gotten this far, surely some stupid publicity scam will keep us in the public eye. C) All of the above. A) One sex tape, even sex tapes. What’s the difference? B) These boobs are all I have left. C) I should have lied to Perez Hilton, God damn it. D) All of… Read More »

Here we have another edition of Last Five Minutes of Fame. This is an odd week because some of the people on this list are the current obsession of the media. Maybe it is wishful thinking. But I am testing my witching powers to see if by virtue of putting them on the list, if that has an impact on what we will see in the press going forward. Which is such a sad state of media affairs. I heard that Access Hollywood told a publicist that they only way they will cover an event if Jon Gosselin attends. Like… Read More »

And now, for your viewing pleasure, the 2nd edition of Last Five Minutes Of Fame ®, the new weekly installment of people that truly belong on this list. With a nod to Andy Warhol, being on “the list” puts members of this most exclusive club in the center of the media glare…kind of like a deer in the headlights just before…KABOOM. One can’t help feeling sorry for them since they mean so well, not as in well-meaning, rather, mean so well to be famous, not matter what, at any cost, uber alles. The great thing about the Last Five Minutes… Read More »