“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

UPDATE March 8, 2011: It’s official: black IS back! Don’t believe me? Check out the dark mood at Chanel. We all know that Karl Lagerfeld rules the fashion roost worldwide. So, if Karl says “Black uber alles” then so it is. And, from the looks of his somewhat over stuffed collection, black is here and hopefully to stay. When I say overstuffed, I mean the quilted, unflattering jumpsuits that will never live on the streets, but just in the magazines. For now, I am reveling in Black Power! March 7, 2011: For the past few seasons, fashion editors have been… Read More »

We have had more Lindsay Lohan court appearance outfits than episodes of  Jersey Shore. If MTV would piece together the amount of footage and hearsay related to Lindsay Lohan’s court appearances, they would have a Roots-long docu-drama that would garner endless ratings because whether you love her or a hater…Lindsay Lohan is fascinating. Quite honestly, Lindsay should have taken my advice as mentioned in Crushable, when asked how she should handle her post jail comeback. But what do I know? FROM CRUSHABLE: As for her post-prison plans, Abe advised her to keep a low profile, attend theater classes or maybe… Read More »

Last season I reviewed Jersey Shore and somehow this season’s review is eerily similar. Could it be because nothing has really changed besides their location? The Return to the Jersey Shore is actually a better title for season three. Do we even call them seasons? They are more like outings. Perhaps even a series of mini-series. Jersey Shore is like Roots without the class. In Thursday night’s season opener, we met an even tackier version of Snooki, her friend Deena. What can I say besides Jersey Shore is chock-full of cursing chubby people. OK, so The Situation has good abs,… Read More »

NEW ALERT: SAMMI “SWEETHEART” JUST LAUNCHED A JEWELRY LINE. You know that I was not letting this ditty go by unnoticed. Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola, yes, the bitchy one from MTV’s Jersey Shore, is actually launching a fragrance. Dangerous will be out in stores in time for those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer at the Jersey Shore. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out what kind of girl wants to smell like a cat, with Katy Perry’s Purr or Kate Walsh’s (ex)Boyfriend. Oh, and let’s not forget Jennifer Aniston’s Lolavie, whatever the hell that means, that she… Read More »

The Daily Beast features the Best of Jersey TV today. Sure, Jersey Shore, The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Jerseylicious, are fan favorites, but what do these annoying people do to represent the many other Jersey residents that are not Guidos and Guidettes? Let me tell you first hand….NOTHING. Rather than focus on the wonderful people who hail from New Jersey like Meryl Streep, Count Basie and Bruce Springsteen, we are now hyper focused on the Goombas like Snooki, Teresa Guidice and The Situation. A permanent blemish has scarred the Garden State. We can identify the turning point when… Read More »

Eric Wilson from The New York Times Style did a great piece on an experiment called Six Items Or Less a while back. Heidi Hackemer, an advertising executive and total groovy chic, decided to limit her wardrobe to six pieces, not including undergarments, accessories and workout gear for an entire month. She created a website and challenged friends to join her and within no time 250 people participated in the experiment, which was a massive success in that it was picked up by the mainstream media. Six Items or Less became a statement on where we are in relation to… Read More »

Finally, men can come out of the closet…and we are not talking about their sexuality here, rather, that men can openly say they use cosmetics and still maintain their butchness…ish. The New York Times Style section has an article about the rapidly growing market of cosmetics created exclusively for men. I love that the evolution of man boils down to his desire to maintain his youth and beauty. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. On the contrary. When men became admitted metrosexuals…though I prefer the term Manzies for this purpose…all bets were off. Suddenly, “straight” men were allowed to… Read More »

After a very heavy weekend of serious issues hanging over our heads…Ground Zero + Mosque = Nightmare, let’s take a respite from hard news. Today the airwaves are filled with a bunch of nobodies. In light of our failing economy, endless wars, catastrophe in Pakistan, we could use a dose of mindless blather. No? Let’s see who rates as major nobodies. Follow I Mean…What?!? on Twitter.… Read More »

Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of Elizabeth Taylor In Vain When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the Fifteen Commandments, as depicted in Mel Brooks‘ History of the World Part 1, there were five commandments that never saw the light of day. (Watch this short clip to learn about this little known biblical fact in Exodus 20:2–17.) httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5aO7sswvJo Anyhoo, one of those laws as commanded by the Lord himself was: Thou shalt not take the name of Elizabeth Taylor in vain. Sadly, we have become a society not dissimilar to those Israelite hedonists running rampant in the desert,… Read More »

… Read More »