To Groom Or Not To Groom

Oct 26, 2009Fashion
This is Elegant Chic.

This is Elegant Chic.

Men, we’ve come a long way since Fred Astaire and the Golden Age of Hollywood, when slicked-back hair, a clean-shaven face, spats, a top hat and tails were in vogue. Today that combination sounds more like a costume than a reality. Through the years our wardrobe has become much more casual, hair lengths went from the top of the ear down to the middle of the back, while beards and mustaches adorned our faces in countless variations. Fred was Elegant Chic and now we have Casual Chic, a term that is readily bandied about. This look could even be a pair of shorts, cropped blazer, sneakers and a “quirky man-hat”. Yikes. We’ve come a long way all right…all the way to Schleppy Chic.

Okideer.

Okideer.

No matter what your personal fashion style is, good grooming is critical and the best part of anyone’s look. Grooming behavior, when studied in monkeys in regards to mating, proved to be the critical element in behavioral expressions of social networks. In other words, if you want to attract a mate: scrub up, lather up, chin up or shut up. Here are five grooming do’s and dont’s to help you navigate through the road of looking good.

1. Creative Facial Hair Don’t.

Here we have Dexter, who does three Don'ts and one silly do...hair do that is. Don't #1: Draw on your face. Don't #2: Pin curl your hair and use a can of Adorn to keep the curls in place. Don't #3: Accessorize your face with goggles.

Here we have Dexter, who does four Don'ts and one do...silly hair do that is. Don't #1: Draw on your face. Don't #2: Pin curl your hair and use a can of Adorn to keep the curls in place. Don't #3: Accessorize your face with goggles and finally, #4 Don't color half of your hair with an unnatural color.

1. Creative Facial Hair Do.

A well-kempt beard is sexy.

A well-kempt beard is sexy.

2. Hair Grooming Don’t

Donlad Trumo is guilt of two misdemeanors: #1 The Comb Over and #2

Donlad Trump is guilty of two misdemeanors: #1: The Comb Over and #2: The lack of creme rinse or conditioner. Hair care is vital.

2. Hair Grooming Do

Brad Pitt sports this modified, choppy look with that winning smile.

Brad Pitt sports this modified, choppy look with that winning smile. His hair is perfectly groomed with gel and a touch of spray,

3. Creative Fragrance Don’t

King Charles II of Spain was known to have such a bad body smell, the court would douse him in fragrances as they readie him for marriage.

King Charles II of Spain was known to have such a foul body smell, the court would douse him in fragrances as they readied him for marriage. Nothing worked Though he married twice, he never produced an heir. In other words, if you stink, wash up and don't rely on a fragrance to make you whole.

3. Creative Fragrance Do

Thee's nothing like the fresh, clean smell of the outdoors. Or newly washed bedding. The combination of these two makes up Gendarme, a fragrance I ahve been using in the early 1980's. It's hard to find, but worth the search.

There's nothing like the fresh, clean smell of the outdoors or newly washed bedding. The combination of these two smells is Gendarme, a fragrance I discovered in the early 1980's. It's hard to find, but worth the search.

4. Modern Hair Cut Don’t

The lovelly mullet. How this guuy and certain lesbians go for that look is beyond me. Loook in the background, that man is breching, surly from The Mullet Man.

The lovely mullet. How this guy and certain lesbians go for that look is beyond me. Look in the background, that man is breching, surly from The Mullet Man.

4. Modern Hair Cut Do.

Once again, Brad Pitt shows us how a buzz cut is as good as it gets.

Once again, Brad Pitt shows us how a buzz cut is as good as it gets.

5. Keeping Clean Don’t

Look, a good buzz is human right. But if you are this far iinto drugs, chances are your overall grooming habits are lackluster.  Think about it.

Look, a good buzz is human right. But if you are this far into drugs, chances are your overall grooming habits are lackluster. Think about it.

5. Keeping Clean Do

Admit it, you aways thought that Mr. Clean was a homosexual...not gay, though. But when youre mom pulled out the Mr. Clean, you knew all was right in the world. Being clen is the key to all of this. I know certain celebrities that simply do not wash, a stink up a room two seconds flat. On film they are hot and it ends there.

Admit it, you aways thought that Mr. Clean was a homosexual...not gay...homosexual. But when your mom pulled out the bottle of Mr. Clean, you knew all was right in the world. Being clean is the key to all of this. I know certain celebrities that simply do not wash, a stink up a room two seconds flat. On film they are hot and it ends there. Gross-a-tosis.

Other important tips include: slathering on endless amounts of facial moisturizers, keeping your fresh breath at all times, trimming nose and ear hair, and my fave…pedicures.

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3 Responses to “To Groom Or Not To Groom”

  1. Barblin says:

    Funny definition of mullet that I heard the other day:
    Business in front, party in the back!

  2. Annika says:

    oh yeah i heard the same thing! It made me laugh hysterically

  3. You guys really seem to know your stuff this blog of information was very useful.:)

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