“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

What do Snooki and JWoww have in common with Ashley Dupré? Who is Ashely Dupré you ask? How quickly we forget our hookers with a tongue of gold. Ashley was embroiled in the Eliot Spitzer debacle. After that mess, she had a short-lived career as a columnist for the New York Post, naturally, called Ask Ashley, which dealt with everything you wanted to know about being a hooker but were afraid to ask your mother. That lasted long. So after you get booted from the Post, what’s a hooker to do? Open a lingerie shop, of course, and where better… Read More »

The Jersey Shore kids are gross. Not Gross Baboons necessarily, just gross. They are so wrong in so many ways. Have you been to Florence? It is by far one of the most beautiful cities in the world. They needed to have a pack of steroid-ed gumbas trouncing around the Ponte Vecchio like I am going to the moon. Reports from Italy have the locals cringing from horror that this somehow represents Italians in the United States. And then everyone wonders why Europeans turn down their noses down at Americans. The worst part is now that the Jersey Snore kids… Read More »

As New York Fashion Week looms and celebrities are being schnorred up for front row, the topic of the Jersey Shore cast was bound to come up. The New York Post‘s Page Six reports today that the cast is demanding tickets to shows. The only viable candidate for my money is Jenni Farley (JWoww), but only if she would agree to a complete IMW Makeover. As much of a fan that I am, these kids are way too Jon Gosselin for anyone in the fashion industry, besides Ed Hardy, that is. Shedding their image would be the only way to… Read More »

Beyoncé Heat by trentisthenewpink“> Check out this uber-sexy dress that Beyonce is sporting for her new fragrance, Heat. And heat there is. JWOW heat, if you ask me. Is there any difference between these two items of clothing? NO! The JWOW Blouse is beyond. I am not clear if she designed it or is just selling it on her website…but I say to you…run…now…click on her site. I love that she calls this one item her clothing line. You just have to love her for that. Because, really…what else do you need in your wardrobe besides a half-yard of a… Read More »

OK…I am going to say it. I was dead wrong about MTV’s Jersey Shore. My proclivity to defend New Jersey and how it is represented in the media took top spot to actually sitting down and watching all three episodes. Oh, my freakin’ God is it hilarious! First of all, let me start by saying that my three favorite characters, DJ Pauly D, Snooki and Mike “The Situation” are not even from New Jersey, so all is well in the world. So, with that, I have to give props to this group of goumadas. Now, do yourself a favor and… Read More »

Who didn’t love the first season of Jersey Shore? MTV hit pay dirt with their updated Big Brother starring Goombas and Goombettes—a peek into the lives of those Bridge and Tunnel types that you otherwise turned your nose up at. It was a hoot. Snooki, The Situation and Pauly D were refreshing characters in all their low-brow, innocence and simplicity. Anyone in their right mind (we are talking about the MTV viewing audience here) would not give these folks the time of day beyond observing how they live and act. Like some kind of sociological experiment gone awry. Somehow, this… Read More »

One is pregnant, one is off to rehab, one is freelancing with Britney Spears, one went home to recover from depression, one needs to shut up. Can we just say that MTV’s Jersey Shore is over? So what, Season Six will be filmed at Dr. Drew Pinksy’s Celebrity Rehab with The Situation who discovers that this is a bad situation? Will Snooki be fist-bumping with Giuseppe at Lamaze Classes, or whatever her fiance’s name is? Will JWoww and DJ Pauly go to a singles dance to find new friends? Will Ronnie and Sammi tie the knot, only to find out… Read More »

Last season I reviewed Jersey Shore and somehow this season’s review is eerily similar. Could it be because nothing has really changed besides their location? The Return to the Jersey Shore is actually a better title for season three. Do we even call them seasons? They are more like outings. Perhaps even a series of mini-series. Jersey Shore is like Roots without the class. In Thursday night’s season opener, we met an even tackier version of Snooki, her friend Deena. What can I say besides Jersey Shore is chock-full of cursing chubby people. OK, so The Situation has good abs,… Read More »

The Daily Beast features the Best of Jersey TV today. Sure, Jersey Shore, The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Jerseylicious, are fan favorites, but what do these annoying people do to represent the many other Jersey residents that are not Guidos and Guidettes? Let me tell you first hand….NOTHING. Rather than focus on the wonderful people who hail from New Jersey like Meryl Streep, Count Basie and Bruce Springsteen, we are now hyper focused on the Goombas like Snooki, Teresa Guidice and The Situation. A permanent blemish has scarred the Garden State. We can identify the turning point when… Read More »

Announcing the newest candidates for Gross Baboon of the Year Award, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa and Joe Guidice. Reading about their spendaholic, bankruptcy-inducing shenanigans made me really angry. As someone born in that fair state, the recent bevvy of Gross Baboons with New Jersey blazoned on their foreheads is enough to make anyone lie about where they hail from. We now have The Real Housewives, that lame show Jeseylicious, and even the cast of Jersey Shore, though none of them are from there, but MTV has managed to muck it up anyway. Until recently, it was Woody Allen… Read More »