“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Mayor Levi Johnston. Now that has a nice ring…huh? Fresh off the heels of his super-public split from Bristol Palin, baby-daddy Levi Johnston has announced from the Teen Choice Awards Blue Carpet that he will seek a run for the mayor-ship of Wasilla, Alaska. You know, that fair little town in our 49th state where Sarah Palin professed to see as far as Russia. Good old eagle-eye Sarah. It must be quite mountainous there. What is odd is how quickly Levi was able to announce the new reality series, working title: Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor’s Office. From… Read More »

Surely you are anticipating the I Mean…What?!? Gross Baboon of the Year Award, which will be granted later this year. Yes, move over Razzies, because the Gross Baboons are coming. For you newcomers, the GBOTY Award honors those annoying people that have graced monopolized the media to the point that it makes me say, “I don’t need to see that”. Nominees to date include: Mel Gibson, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, Joselyn James…get the picture? Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the latest nominees and their new-found togetherness has even created a new category,… Read More »

So, there you have it. Levi and I have both now gone on record to say that Sarah Palin resigned her post as Governor, due to financial reasons. All these bloviators and regular folks too, I might add, who said with conviction that she will go for the 2012 presidential run are out to lunch. I wasn’t kidding when I quoted Deep Throat, “Follow the money”. And now, it’s official, since Levi Johnston said so. Levi and I…blood brothers…fraternal twins…life partners. Naturally, the Huffington Post did not post my story from last week. No, only Levi’s pearl of wisdom get… Read More »

So help me if they cast Tom Hanks as General Petraeus, I will scream. Paula Broadwell could be cast by Diane Lane, since she wishes she were her, and Jill Kelley can be played by Kim Kardashian. Well if the illicit sex fits…… Read More »

Seems like whatever BP Oil did to close up the hole in the Gulf of Mexico a couple of summers ago did not take with Mel Gibson. Back then I wrote once BP capped the spill to use that same technique on Mel Gibson, when he would not shut up and ranted on and on. Well, perhaps BP knows oil wells but cannot contain Mel “The Nut” Gibson. How on Earth does Hollywood keep hiring this guy? Is there no other talent out there? The fact is, there is, and to support insane lunatics like Gibson is being equally responsible… Read More »

Happy New Year! I am still down in Tulum having Internet issues coupled with a hangover so all I can do is re-post this entry from two years ago about the Mayans and their nonsense about the end of the world. Just so happens that I am in spitting distance of the Mayan Ruins and am going to take this nonsensical conversation up with the Gods directly tomorrow, after I finish nursing this hangover. … Read More »

“He’s 89 years old, so of course he could be very right about the end of the world being on May 21. Or very close to that.” So said Jon Stewart on Harold Camping, the Christian radio kook on his claim that then end of the world is nigh, actually today. As in any minute now. Sure wish I had a couple of Percocets to wash down with my coffee and then slink into a Calgon bath to be taken away, finally, once and for all. The idea that this was the last day on Earth and I am still… Read More »

Now that’s a coupling made in heaven. One desperate, unwed, teen mother, Bristol Palin, who uses the media to compete with her skanky ex-baby daddy, Levi Johnston, coupled with The Situation, a Staten Island goombah who is the most talked about character second to Snooki from MTV’s Jersey Shore. Coupling? Yes…because they will both be on Dancing With The Stars. Well, they won’t be dancing with each other…but trust me…we will see plenty of paparazzi shots of those two leaving the DWTS studio. So, what ever happened to Bristol Palin’s public relations business? Guess she decided to become her own… Read More »

Let’s compare the daughters of the royal families of our two political parties. The Democrats have The Clintons while the Republicans are stuck with The Palins. In this corner we have Chelsea Clinton who is educated and sophisticated and over there is Bristol Palin, a loose-lipped (and otherwise), press whore. This summer, talk of matrimony was at the center of every dinner table conversation in both homes…each with different tones. I MEAN…WHAT?!? thought it would be fun to eavesdrop on both families. INT. CLINTON DINING ROOM – EVENING HILLARY: That Marc is such a sweet boy. CHELSEA: I know, I… Read More »

There’s something fishy going on here. My guess is that the unexpected news of the pending nuptials between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston is really just a ruse and not even true. The whole story is a publicity scam generated out of Sarah Palin‘s office. Well, seeing that her publicist is Bristol Palin, BSMP, LLC, the idea was to show the world just how forgiving and generous Sarah Palin is. And given the sensitive, personal nature of this matter, Sarah will come off as a magnanimous force of nature, hence a great candidate for the Presidency in 2012. Here’s how… Read More »