“I Mean…What?!?” – Abe Gurko

Courtney Stodden is a real housewife. Really.

Boy how quickly the landscape changes when skanks rule the media roost. Creatures like Courtney Stodden usurp the limelight of a Rachel Uchitel while a Kim Kardashian replaces Kim Kardashian by merely sleeping with another black man, putting her back on the top of the heap. Heap as in pile of… I wrote this piece a couple of years ago and recently received an email about it by a woman, Reema Zaman, who made this video which speaks to the content titled, I Made A Sex Tape. Gotta love a gal for appreciating the art of skankhood.

Written  February 10, 2010

Monica Lewinsky was the tip of the iceberg. It is not an exaggeration when I say that all you must do is let your orifices (orifii) run free and a media career is in your future. We now have Elliot Spitzer‘s hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold Ashley Dupre as the New York Post’s Carrie Bradshaw. Jamie Jungers, the hussy that spilled the beans on Tiger Woods and Loredana Jolie, who between them, have been paid to talk about their sex-capades with Tiger to anyone that has a camera…including a Flip Mino. The newest media superstar is Rachel Uchitel, the self-proclaimed socialite slash celebrity, who has just been offered a job at Extra-TV, to cover all the latest “hot spots”…not G-spots…hot spots. Not that there is much of a difference between the two, once she reports on them.

What ever happened to Rachel Uchitel?

The careers of these women were spawned from the act of illicit sex. Cases in point: Paris Hilton for her layered, moving performance in the sex tape, One Night In Paris and Kim Kardashian whose similar fare, Kim Kardashian Superstar  Featuring Hip-Hop Star Ray J, caused massive media frenzies and hence, careers. Then there are The Girls Next Door, Hugh Hefner‘s “pussy” cats, with their hit reality show on the E! Channel. And let’s not forget the Italian porn star, Ilona Staller, better known as la Cicciolina, who was voted into the Italian Parliament. She became even more famous for delivering her political speeches with one breast exposed and went on to marry world- renowned artist Jeff Koons. So she got a career and stature.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have Jenny Sanford, who by virtue of NOT having illicit sex, has become a megawatt media star because her husband did the nasty with someone else. Mark Sanford’s indiscretions rendered Jenny a major book deal and being honored on Barbara Walters’ Ten Most Intriguing People of 2009. We also have Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol Palin, who had…well…maybe not illicit sex, but hypocritical pre-marital sex with Levi Johnston, who we can add to this list as well. As you know, Bristol Palin has become a Public Relations maven. Then there’s the Miss America platform where Vanessa Williams would have never made world headlines had she not done that nasty photo shoot. And Carrie Prejean, whose breast implants coupled with those videos of her diddling with her diddle, made her the spokes-model for straight sex, while stumping for Republicans on the campaign trail. We must include Jon and Kate Gosselin for the sheer fact that they had enough sex to birth a Brady Bunch of babies, and in turn, careers as media whores. Somehow Octomom, Nadia Suleman has to be included, even though she only had sex with a turkey baster.

As you can see, the list goes on and on. Who can forget Amy Fisher, whose attempted murder of Mary Jo Buttafuoco not only garnered her a long-standing media career, but also provided her ex-lover Joey Buttafuoco with a career as a major sleaze bag. And finally, the lovely Tila Tequila, who endless affairs with anyone that would breathe, keeps her going and going and going…like the Energy Bunny of Skankiness.